The Time MMA Fighter Ryan Elbe Broke His Dick During Sex Times

December 17, 2012 / Posted by:

I had no idea who Ray Elbe was up until five seconds ago, but I can’t resist a good dick story, even a good dick story that ends in tragedy. Ryan Elbe is an MMA fighter and he’s probably had his peen kicked hundreds of times, but not once has a fight ended with his dick being thrown onto a tiny stretcher and rushed to the penis hospital (Side note: If a penis hospital exists, point me to it so I can apply for the position of wet nurse.). But out of the fighting ring proved to be a much more dangerous place for his dick. In the video confessional below, Ray says that earlier this month in Malaysia, his girlfriend was riding him something good when she bounced too high and came down hard and broke his boner. So that’s why earlier this month it felt like my no-no made a frown face. It sensed a boner breaking in Malaysia.

Ray says that blood started squirting everywhere. Now if this happened to a veteran man whore like Gerard Butler, he would’ve put a makeshift splint on his peen and kept on a’ fuckin’. But Ray passed the hell out. Health care workers showed up to his condo in Malaysia and immediately took him to the hospital where his peen underwent surgery to repair a tear in his urinary tube. Ray says that the pain in his dick was so bad that he now knows what dudes go through when they wet hump on Paris Hilton without wearing a condom made of armor. Ray’s peen is going to make a full recovery, but they did hook him up to a catheter and he has to swallow anti-erection pills for a little while. Somebody should tell Ray that a holistic way of keeping his dick soft is to watch this video three times a day.

Ray also said that his girlfriend’s days of riding him are over and to make up for breaking his dick, she’s going to give him a threesome with a lady of his choice when they get to the Philippines (insert eye roll here). Ray said that he only came forward, because apparently this happens a lot and sometimes dudes don’t go to the emergency room for it:

“I came forward with, because I really want people to understand the significance of the emergency. As I Googled this online, a lot of guys actually get to the point where there is no repair because they’re embarrassed and don’t go to the emergency room right away.”

The lesson here is that dick riding isn’t for amateurs. It takes skill on both parts and you have to synchronize your thrusts and bounces perfectly. One false move and you could end up with a bruised coochie and/or a piece with an out-of-service peen. And there’s nothing sadder than an out-of-service peen. Seriously, what are you supposed to do with an out-of-service peen? Feed it Jell-O and watch Lifetime movies with it? Actually, that sounds strangely adorable.

Here’s Ray Elbe talking about his peen trauma:

via TMZ

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