The Time MMA Fighter Ryan Elbe Broke His Dick During Sex Times
I had no idea who Ray Elbe was up until five seconds ago, but I can't resist a good dick story, even a good dick story that ends in tragedy. Ryan Elbe is an MMA fighter and he's probably had his peen kicked hundreds of times, but not once has a fight ended with his dick being thrown onto a tiny stretcher and rushed to the penis hospital (Side note: If a penis hospital exists, point me to it so I can apply for the position of wet nurse.). But out of the fighting ring proved to be a much more dangerous place for his dick. In the video confessional below, Ray says that earlier this month in Malaysia, his girlfriend was riding him something good when she bounced too high and came down hard and broke his boner. So that's why earlier this month it felt like my no-no made a frown face. It sensed a boner breaking in Malaysia.
Ray says that blood started squirting everywhere. Now if this happened to a veteran man whore like Gerard Butler, he would've put a makeshift splint on his peen and kept on a' fuckin'. But Ray passed the hell out. Health care workers showed up to his condo in Malaysia and immediately took him to the hospital where his peen underwent surgery to repair a tear in his urinary tube. Ray says that the pain in his dick was so bad that he now knows what dudes go through when they wet hump on Paris Hilton without wearing a condom made of armor. Ray's peen is going to make a full recovery, but they did hook him up to a catheter and he has to swallow anti-erection pills for a little while. Somebody should tell Ray that a holistic way of keeping his dick soft is to watch this video three times a day.
Ray also said that his girlfriend's days of riding him are over and to make up for breaking his dick, she's going to give him a threesome with a lady of his choice when they get to the Philippines (insert eye roll here). Ray said that he only came forward, because apparently this happens a lot and sometimes dudes don't go to the emergency room for it:
“I came forward with, because I really want people to understand the significance of the emergency. As I Googled this online, a lot of guys actually get to the point where there is no repair because they’re embarrassed and don’t go to the emergency room right away.”
The lesson here is that dick riding isn't for amateurs. It takes skill on both parts and you have to synchronize your thrusts and bounces perfectly. One false move and you could end up with a bruised coochie and/or a piece with an out-of-service peen. And there's nothing sadder than an out-of-service peen. Seriously, what are you supposed to do with an out-of-service peen? Feed it Jell-O and watch Lifetime movies with it? Actually, that sounds strangely adorable.
Here's Ray Elbe talking about his peen trauma:
via TMZ
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Oh no! Now I'm scared I'm going to break my tits! D :
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I like to smile, smiling's my favorite! : )
The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 12/18/2012 - 12:15pm.
Submitted by beakers bitch on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 10:58pm.
who can fuck him facing him when it looks like his mom is tattooed on his chest?
WORD!!!!
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^^^ Exacular! Who wants to fuck a guy while staring at his mom's face?? Creepy!! This dumbass should have thought of that before tatting up his chest wih his mama's mug. His gf probably broke his dick on purpose bc she was tired of looking at her face. Lol.
I can't believe he showed the pee. NASTY!!!
Is that tattoo on his chest Bea Arthur or Natalie Cole?
There was BLOOD? Holy sheet, I fainted just reading that...
I would not want to have a bandaid put on a papercut so far away from home, let alone such (ahem) delicate surgery. He is very lucky the damage wasn't permanent.
I must be doing it wrong. This has never even come close to happening to Mr. Aphid and I. No pun intended.
Who the hell is this douchebag?
WAS THERE PEE IN THAT CATHETER!?!?!?!??!?!
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Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 10:19am.
Bitch, you are not better then Keanu Reeves!
The joke's on him. What his girlfriend really said was she was going to give him a threesome with the LadyBOY of his choice when they get to the Philippines.
Submitted by beakers bitch on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 10:58pm.
who can fuck him facing him when it looks like his mom is tattooed on his chest?
WORD!!!!
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Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 10:19am.
Bitch, you are not better then Keanu Reeves!
Thank you for this warning my friend. My penis is precious to me and I will protect it with my liiiiiife. Nothing wrong with a bro trying to help his brosephs out lol.
Submitted by girlfromipanema on Tue, 12/18/2012 - 9:23am.
My friend broke her boyfriend's penis in college. She said there was blood everywhere.
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*passes smooth the fuck OUT*
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Portrait tattoos are the worst. You want to honour someone, spend time with them or if they're dead, visit their graves, do something that would make them proud and maybe maintain some dignity and don't tell stories about your penis and your girlfriend owing you a three-way.
Mabel, your Erin Moran comment made me to laugh so hard that I have a small glimmer of hope that we can let bygones be bygones (after the other night). Who know, maybe we can be BFFs and braid each other's hair, or at least be cordial with one another.
Ol' girlfriend needs to simmer down. A nice deep, slow ride can be all sorts of fun. And a threesome as a gift? These sound like a couple of winners.
AAAAAAAAHHH! Dull as it was, he's a brave boy for talking about it. I've heard of this before but any guy I talk to about it is like "naw, that's impossible". I will be more careful and forgo the reverse pile driver on my boy next time I'm on top. Rockin's nicer anyway...
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"When in doubt, freak 'em out" -- Sharon Needles
My friend broke her boyfriend's penis in college. She said there was blood everywhere. All her friends hated him, so we all had a good laugh about it. SO glad she married someone else (luck be with his penis).
the one night I have insomnia and we've got Chachi here yappin about breakin his dick on a bad dismount... fuckin amateur.
*goes back to bed*
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
I used to work in a Hospital ER. A fractured penis is not a pretty sight. Take care of it dude and don't talk about it so much.
Ryan is a gorgeous homosexual!
(Are there nude photos of Ryan presenting bung-hole?)
Well I'm glad his penis is alright.
not sure why but Smell Yo Dick is now playing on repeat in my head
OUCH, What a horrible injury! Doesn't this dude know to thrust UP? Why risk her coming crashing down and breaking his peen? Oh no no no, bad form mister, bad form ;S
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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a Joanie Loves Chachie fan?
Submitted by TexnDoc on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 11:20pm.
Funny link, gross photo. The main thing I took away is "Vaginal intercourse and aggressive masturbation are the most common causes." In this guy's case, I'm betting the latter.
Also loved the court case: "The case of Doe v. Moe, 63 Mass.App.Ct. 516, 827 N.E.2d 240 (2005) tested liability for a penile fracture caused during sexual intercourse. The plaintiff complained that his ex-girlfriend had caused his injury while she was on top of him during sexual intercourse. The court ruled in her favor, determining that her conduct was neither legally wanton nor reckless." IMNSHO, it was more assumption of the risk, like skydiving.
Joanie Cunningham? WTF
Submitted by KA on Tue, 12/18/2012 - 2:04am.
Lol, that's all I heard when I looked at his picture. Hearing him speak was more like zzzzzzzzzzzzz. _______________________________________________
"I don't think anything can separate anything that's super-connected. "
-LeAnn Rimes
i didnt read this, nor did i watch the video because all i hear when an mma fighter is talking is DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
Submitted by Daniee on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 11:08pm.
Anycock, I felt real bad for the guy until "she's going to give him a threesome with a lady of his choice when they get to the Philippines".
Cosigned. A-hole! I felt sorry for him and his wounded dick until he revealed that he WAS a dick.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Really? Does he expect a recognition for this, or is he simply trying to make a name for himself at his broken dick's expense, since he's not winning that many titles? Why then is that video playing in the TV? So if he loses his next fight, he can always argue that he was more concerned with protecting his privates due to his "accident". I'm not certain there was anything informative about this except that he and his gf were bragging about having an exciting, aggressive sex life. Blah!
He doesn't deserve to have his dick repaired until he visits Dr. Tat-off first...
"Is your name Michael Diamond?" "Naw, mine's Clarence..."
Submitted by cocoebert on Tue, 12/18/2012 - 1:26am.
I anxiously await penis fracture awareness month and a flesh-colored ribbon to accompany it.
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tie a yellow cock ring on that old oak tree... what?... it's a catchy tune!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
SO what? Dick breaking is for amatuers, try getting fucked up the ass with no lube, now thats pain.
Ps. Is that a tat of Sophia Loren?
Submitted by CashewTime. on Tue, 12/18/2012 - 1:23am.
They both sound like idiots.
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well, we are talking about a dude that realized his goal employment is to get punched in the head, and a chick that can't aim on a doodle, so... yeah.
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
I anxiously await penis fracture awareness month and a flesh-colored ribbon to accompany it.
They both sound like idiots. And agree with girl about town below-he probably got a weepee.
_______________________________________________
"I don't think anything can separate anything that's super-connected. "
-LeAnn Rimes
My husband loves his penis so I want to know what man wouldn't break the land speed record getting to the ER after this happened. Even if he passed out, I'm sure the neighbors would have heard Me screaming all the way down the hall at the sight of a peen gushing blood thanks to my ineptitude.
***************************************
"If you're going through hell, keep going" ~ Winston Churchill
Is that a tattoo of Erin Moran from Happy Days? Who the hell is that?
Oh, and yeah, his dick story is tragic I guess. They should do an Afterschool Special on that shit - The Girl who Couldn't Ride a Dick Properly starring Erin Moran. Seriously, is that her?
Submitted by Mani6 on Tue, 12/18/2012 - 1:07am.
kinda makes a sex swing look like amateur hour, right there!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
The girl didn't know what she was doing AND he must have a short peepee cuuz ladies y'all know dick riding is a serious thigh workout and unless you're built like a horse you just simply don't have the strength to go over 4" above the dick, now remember we are already off about 4"-6" above the bed as we are on top of him. She must have been either high on E and cocaine combined to be that hyper or he got a short chubster, whatever it might have been I feel for him and glad everyone involved is ok. How horrifying!
______________________________________________
Don't start none and they'll be none.
People just ask for it sometimes...ouch!
http://makingloveinthemilkyway.tumblr.com/post/1376657068/trampoline-sex
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Submitted by TexnDoc on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 11:20pm.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penile_fracture
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Very enlightening indeed. Apparently, there was a lawsuit where a man sued his woman for breaking his dick. She won.
AND....you can crack your dick for fun. It's some Kurdish practice. You can crack it like you crack your knuckles. Who knew?
Tranny Chaser.
most kickboxer, boxer, pro wrestlers are.
trust me on this one .
Its not plastic surgery , its a medical condition!!
Submitted by Katieh on Tue, 12/18/2012 - 12:27am.
if splitting hairs to that degree is your greatest complaint, i envy you... i'm still waiting for Klingon to be recognized!
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"I could listen to a babbling brook,
and hear a song that I could understand.
I keep wishing it could be that way.
Because my world would be a Wonderland."
re: that tat - it says "Veda Elbe", so I'm guessing mom? Still goofy.
Now I know what Kanye's been talking about in that song... "...but she ain't messin' with no broke..."
why do American's always say, "they don't speak English, " when they visit another country? How about, "I didn't speak [insert language of the country you are visiting]." I always find this so arrogant.
Submitted by TexnDoc on Mon, 12/17/2012 - 11:20pm.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penile_fracture
__________________________
That picture is the yin to the blue waffle yang.
Who the hell rides that hard?? I thought they just did that in porno's to try and make it seem kinkier.
Riding on top 101....Short, slow and sweet for him, back and forth for her. Jeezus.
* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *
www.poopreport.com :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
1.I don't have a penis and that causes me pain to think about.
2. He's waaaay cuter without the facial hair and glasses.
3. Is that Erin Moran or Natalie Cole? Either way, bizarre tat!