The “Sexiest Man Alive” Is Going To Be The Sexiest Dad Alive

December 17, 2012 / Posted by:

The Charming Potato who broke out of his little patch, moved to Hollywood and later became Steven Soderbergh’s muse, twerked a baby right into his wife’s body. Channing Tatum and his wife of 3 years Jenna Dewan-Tatum tells the magazine that gave him the “Sexiest Man Alive” title that sometimes when a husband rides his wife’s pony bareback-style, a baby is made. People gave us the news like this:

The actor and his wife Jenna Dewan-Tatum ”are pleased to announce that they are expecting the birth of their first child next year,” reps for the couple confirm to PEOPLE exclusively.

Some source tells UsWeekly that Carol O’Neal and Jenna were actually surprised that one of his jizz fishes headbutted its way into one of her eggs, but they’re happy that they’ll have a baby friend next year. Channing is going to take a year off to be with his wife and newborn.

You might be wondering why a couple who does it bareback-style is surprised about getting pregnant, but I’ll have you know that they were using condoms all the time. This is how their baby was made. One night, Jenna was coming out of the shower and as she was standing there naked, she looked across the bathroom and saw Channing Tatum trying to twerk out a stubborn shit on the toilet. If you’re wondering what that looks like, here you go:

BOOM! Baby. Anybody who watches Channing pump his crotch into the air live and in person, gets pregnant. Half of his fortune is spent on the child support he has to pay all the men and women who got knocked up with his baby during the filming of Magic Mike.

Here’s Jenna looking pregnant at VH1 Divas last night. No, I don’t know what the hell she’s wearing. She’s dressed like a pregnant 15-year-old at her quinceañera.

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