That high-pitched squealing most of London heard last night, wasn’t from George Michael playing in the park again. It was from Morrissey fangirling over his royal idol Duchess Kate making her first appearance in front of public eyes since she checked out of the hospital. I’m sure Morrissey has already printed this picture out, pasted a picture of his face over Becks’ face, drew a heart around Kate with a sparkly gel pen and glued it to the ceiling over his bed so every morning he can wake up and look at the beautiful reason for why he opens his eyes.
If I was laid up on a princess canopy bed and Prince Hot Ginge was hand-feeding me pieces of crystallized ginger while Prince William rubbed my tummy with a silk glove on, I’d stay sick forever. But Duchess Kate has a job to do! Somebody has to wave, smile, stand, wave, smile, stand, wave, smile at events and that somebody is Duchess Kate. So she pulled herself out of her sick bed for a quick second to wave, smile and give out trophies at the Sports Personality of the Year Awards in London last night.
I wish that while Duchess Kate was standing next to Becks and staring at his shiny ass forehead, she saw her reflection and realized that she should stop doing her hair like an Angel of Charlie and stop stealing clothes from Tootsie’s dirty laundry basket. The Breck Girl look is not for her. But she probably didn’t see that since the sparkle rays from her bright shiny white teeth ricocheted off of Becks’ forehead and hit her in the eyes, leaving her temporarily blind. Damn!