Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 16, 2012 / Posted by:

Heinz EZ Squirt colored ketchup!


For what felt like only a quick second in 2000, Heinz wanted to make the lives of children and acid heads more exciting by putting out a line of squirtable, colored ketchup. Heinz EZ Squirt came in purple, green, blue and a “mystery color.” Heinz EZ Squirt was supposed to taste just like ketchup, but it’s funny how when you put your tongue on green ketchup, it doesn’t really taste like blended tomatoes. It tastes more like something that came out of Slimer’s peen slit. Strangely enough, ketchup that was the same color as Smurf snot wasn’t exactly a hit and Heinz stopped making it in 2006.

It’s kind of sad that Heinz EZ Squirt is in the fucked up food cemetery, because if it was around today, it would make a wonderful diet tool. When you’re stoned into the next dimension and halfway through devouring five orders of animal-style cheese fries from In-N-Out, the only way you’ll be able to stop is if you taint those delicious fries with purple ketchup that looks like Barney’s butt drool. Actually, that wouldn’t stop me. It would probably make me eat more. It’s like eating rainbow jizz!

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