Lindsay Lohan has taken her stalking game international by following The Wanted to the UK, so she wasn’t in court in Los Angeles today when a new judge she hasn’t met, Commissioner Jane Godfrey, snatched probation away from her. LiLo is still on probation for stealing that necklace and it was revoked because she was officially charged for lying to the cops after she crashed her Porsche into an 18-wheeler on PCH. A hearing has been calendared in for January 13, 2013 and on that day, Judge Godfrey could throw LiLo in jail for 245 days for violating probation. Bitch should want to go to jail for 245 days, because you don’t have to pay rent in there!
TMZ says that prosecutors think LiLo has had one million and four chances to stop fucking up and they should finally lock her up in a cell and stick the key up White Oprah’s culito. But apparently, Judge Godfrey doesn’t love sending messes to jail. Judge Godfrey presides over Drug Court and Homeless Court and she’s known for sending people to therapy and rehab instead of jail. Judge Godfrey even has a special graduation ceremony for people who complete their therapy program and she uses her own money to buy them a Starbucks card for a graduation gift.
If LiLo is sent to jail, which she won’t be, she’ll be released due to overcrowding before she can even christen her cell by letting out a vodka-infused fart on the mattress. And if she’s sent to a therapy program and gets a Starbucks gift card as a graduation gift, Judge Godfrey will regret the day she started giving out Starbucks gift cards. We all know what happened the last time a Lohan had a store card in their paw. They abused the power of the card and Fudgie the Whale almost got the fudge punched out of his ass. A Starbucks employee will know what it feels like to get slapped in the face with a Zac Brown Band CD when they refuse to trade LiLo’s gift card for everything that’s in the cash register and three cases of Starbucks Cabernet.