Nick Cannon was on Howard Stern’s Sirius show this morning and this is what we learned about his fuck life with the butterfly rainbow queen of the lambs herself Mimi:
- Nick Cannon and Mimi kept their panties on while dating. Mimi never hit that shit before they got married. The furthest they got was second base. Nick never fingered her butterfly box and she never took his peen for a test drive. When Howard asked Nick how could he marry Mariah Carey without knowing if she’s good at giving blow jobs, he said something like, “She’s Mariah Carey! I just knew she’s good!” I don’t know what that means. Porn star Mary Carey is known for sucking dick the right way, but I didn’t know Mariah Carey was too. Maybe what Nick Cannon means is that since Mimi is a champion yodeler, she must be a champion beej giver too. When she puts a peen in her mouth and lets out one of her garage door-opening yodels, the vibrations hit the right spot so hard that the dude cums his ballsack out. That’s probably what he means.
- Nick Cannon and Mimi bump genitals to her songs all the time. Nick told Howard that his sex time soundtrack of choice is filled with nothing but Mimi songs. This actually isn’t surprising. What Nick didn’t tell Howard is that Mimi also makes him wear a Mariah Carey mask and they do it on a bedspread with her face airbrushed on it. There’s mirrors covering every wall in the room and right before they get it on, she sticks a multi-colored glitter pill in his peen hole so that he cums a sparkly rainbow. And I don’t even want to get into what they do with the hoards of butterflies she keeps in cages down in the basement.
- Nick Cannon is so excited about being married to Mariah Carey that when she’s gone, he faps to her songs. Nick’s favorite song to hand hug his dick to is “Hero.” That actually makes sense. Because every time Nick listens to a Mariah Carey song, he thinks of all the millions she’s made from that song and then he thinks about all the millions that’s in their joint bank account. When you listen to “Hero,” you hear “AHAHAHAAAAOOOOOHA HAOHAHAAAAOOORRRHHAA” and Nick hears, “cha-ching cha-ching cha-ching.” That’s definitely a sound to fap to.
And can we retire “Hero” forever now that we have the image of Nick Cannon fingering his b-hole and squeezing his foreskin to the lyric “look inside you and be strong“?
Here’s a clip from TMZ of Nick telling Howard all about his and Mimi’s kinky fetishes: