Over the weekend, Brooke Mueller almost slow danced with the Grim Reaper when she overdosed on some kind of bad shit. Brooke’s assistant called 911 after she wouldn’t wake up while passed out on her bed, and at the time she played the “I JUST HAD THE TIREDS!” card. But we all knew that she wasn’t tired, because it’s hard to be tired when you don’t work, have a full-time nanny and a full-time assistant who will light your crack pipe so you don’t have to.
Brooke is now admitting that she has a problem, but it isn’t with crack, coke or Wet ‘N Wild black eyeliner. Brooke has got it bad for Adderall.
TMZ says that Brooke admits that she’s been eating too many Adderall pills and she just can’t stop eating them. Brooke is back in rehab for the 19th time to try to kick her hunger for them. Brooke’s lawyer tells TMZ in lawyer talk that bitch is an Adderallhead:
“Brooke was uncomfortable with the way Adderall was making her behave. Brooke continues her lifelong battle with drug addiction by taking these steps herself to prevent a further drug relapse.”
“Brooke was uncomfortable with the way Adderall was making her behave” is really a nice way of saying “Brooke was uncomfortable with the fact that she almost motherfucking died from eating too much Adderall.” Brooke had a few drops of the sweet nectar in her body when she overdosed and she’s currently on probation and isn’t allowed to drink booze of any kind, so going to rehab could be a way of trying to avoid some time in the chokey. A tip for Brooke for next time: another good way to avoid spending time in the chokey is to be Lindsay Lohan. It works every time.
Yeah, being in rehab for the 19th time is nuts. But if at one point in my life I regularly sucked on Charlie Sheen’s grilled sweet baby sausage dick after he blew crack smoke into my sex parts, I too would be reaching for mind-numbing substances at all hours of the day. It’s a medical fact that whores who suck on Charlie’s peen suffer from PTSD. Just look at that picture of Brooke above. Bitch is having a terrifying flashback.