Anne Hathaway’s Coochie Hair Made An Appearance Last Night, But More Importantly What Are Those Boots?!

Anne Hathaway didn’t wear panties to the NYC premiere of Les Miserables last night, because panties weigh like 0.10 pounds and she needs to look as skinny and malnourished as possible to win that Oscar. If you really need to know what shape Anne Hathaway points to in the pubic hair styling catalog when she goes to the waxing salon, make sure your boss is okay with muffs in the workplace when you look at the NSFW un-Oscar’d version of that pic by clicking here. Yes, Anne Hathaway should thank her crotch fur when she wins that Oscar, but who cares about that. We should be throwing holy water and hissing at those brace shoe things on her legs.

There was this one kid in my kindergarten class who had a bad mom. She was a drunk, never packed his lunch and always yelled at him in front of us after school. On Halloween day, he came to school without a costume on his body. The teacher and some of us students made him a Superman costume using construction paper and a trash bag. Yes, the trash bag was his cape and yes, his trash bag cape looked better and more expensive than the crap Anne Hathaway had on her back last night. Maybe Anne is trying to make extra money and is hoping that people will drop their recyclables in her trash bag cape? I don’t know what’s worse: that Hefty balloon on her back or those brace shoes. I’m going with the brace shoes.

Those brace shoes make Anne look like a dominatrix paraplegic cyborg. I’m a piece of trash who’s always barefoot and even wearing socks make me feel like I’m being suffocated, so just looking at those leather leg warmers and belts on Anne’s legs is making me hyperventilate. On a positive note, at least Anne can keep her cell phone, condoms, extra pair of panties, lipstick and tampons in there.

Here’s more of Anne at last night’s Les Mis premiere with Amanda Seyfried (Note: I don’t know if that Star Trek triangle eyeliner is the look or not.), Eddie Redmayne, Samantha Barks, Hugh Jackman with his orange wife and Russell Crowe.