Hot Slut Of The Day!
Finally, a Christmas song that speaks the truth. Santa Claus' official uniform is and will always be a brown cap and a sensible brown jacket. UPS man Ken Jones used his 15 minute break to let the children know through song that he's their Santa Claus, bitch. Santa Claus doesn't come down the chimney. Santa Claus drops the presents on your front door. If Santa Claus is the UPS man, then those motherfuckers who drive around and steal packages off porches are definitely the Grinch.
So don't bother leaving milk and cookies and shit in front of the fireplace. Leave milk and cookies on your front door instead. Better yet, leave the real Santa Claus a special thank you gift in the form of detailed instructions on how to shoot a cell phone IN LANDSCAPE!
via Vvv
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***slow clap***
A man in uniform who loves all the little chillruns. Bless his heart.
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Vanity is the price of fame.
!00% AWESOME!
love the "Scheduled break" disclaimer at the end.
Happy Holidays UPS Man! You Rock!
The Santa gig was up at my house when my oldest daughter noticed " Hey, Santa uses the same wrapping paper that they sell at DollarTree!"
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I've written a letter to MK...saying...I...love...youuuuuu.
Submitted by Orangina on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 6:46pm.
why don't they have a toy store yet called Santa's Workshop? And all the employees could wear elf hats and elf outfits? YES!
Trademark that shit, girl.
Haha! This guy is awesome! And it's true, Santa is the UPS man.
By the way, why don't they have a toy store yet called Santa's Workshop? And all the employees could wear elf hats and elf outfits? YES!
The Christmas scandal breaking across the country (copycats) are thieves following UPS trucks to take packages left on the doorstep. As MK mentioned I should add.
My Royal Mail guy is attractive. He looks at me a bit funny these days I think because he waved at me one morning and I wanted to look cool so I only returned a cool nod. He wears shorts in the summer and has nice legs.
Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 5:11pm.
Submitted by swarm-of-locusts on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:32pm.
My UPS driver at home is a hot, white, suburban dad type, and the UPS driver at work is a hot black guy.
Life is full of tough decisions, right?
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Invite them both over for lunch...and make a "sandwich" with plenty of cu...mayo. A slice of white bread, a slice of dark rye, and WHO will be the luncheon meat?
Submitted by mike on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:01pm.
Even if I don't see him, I can smell when he's made a delivery.
So many jokes so little time.
Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 4:53pm.
LOL see, I get fart jokes:)
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Well now, you're not so blonde after all...your brunette roots are showing, and only you and your hairdresser and Miss Clairol know if you got the joke. ;-)
Submitted by swarm-of-locusts on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:32pm.
My UPS driver at home is a hot, white, suburban dad type, and the UPS driver at work is a hot black guy.
Life is full of tough decisions, right?
Submitted by lilywhiteclass on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:04pm________________________________
Better it be lingering patchouli than a lingering UPS fart.
LOL see, I get fart jokes:)
Submitted by lilywhiteclass on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 4:24pm Thanks Lily:) Sorry I didn't catch the joke:( But feel honored you made an exception to the rule:) Have a bloody mary for me. Yum, I love a good bloody mary. Not those mixes--from scratch.
Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 4:12pm.
Submitted by lilywhiteclass on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:41pmI'll just bet she DOES, honey!
I don't understand. I think it's a joke.
Maybe I'm having a blonde moment.
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I make a rule of not explaining jokes, BUT, I'll bend here.
"She gives the dogs a biscuit"
Translated:
"She lets the men screw her."
Biscuit - Vagina
Now I need to go to confession and say an Our Father and finish off with a Hail Bloody Mary...with extra vodka.
Hey, you guys. Did you know that FedEx and UPS are merging? Their new name is FedUp.
sorry, could not help myself.
Go Verb Yourself!
Submitted by vsminimoose on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:50pm.
Submitted by lilywhiteclass on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:12pm.
Submitted by TOPANGA on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:06pm.
I am proud to say that I was never one of those kids who believed in "Santa". I always knew it was parents. Yea, I was that evil kid who dashed all the other kids dreams on the playground by telling them Santa wasn't real.
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Were you abused as a kid? Usually people who are so proud of their cynicism, which I've never understood, had a shitty time growing up.
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Some people are just assholes.
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Submitted by Darknight on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 4:27pm.
THE TRUTH. Making the world a better place.
ubmitted by CashewTime. on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:43pm.
Submitted by Boo1212 on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:31pm.
Especially this year, haaayyyy! No really, where did winter go?
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Winter? What is winter?
Go Verb Yourself!
I figured out that Santa wasn't real when I turned 5. One year I peeked at the name tags and noticed that the handwriting looked familiar. I asked my mom who wrote up the name tags on all the presents. She said Santa did. Then I asked her why Santa wrote just like her. She then said Santa's elves wrote up the tags, but Santa brought the presents. 20 years later and I still haven't let her live that one down.
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"'Those who danced were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.' We hear the music and we still think you're insane, bitch. For the record." [Michael K on Megan Fox]
This is the greatest Christmas music I have ever heard.
And the ONLY one that made me laugh. Props, UPS dude.
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Submitted by Darknight on Fri, 11/09/2012 - 4:27pm.
THE TRUTH. Making the world a better place.
@vsminimoose no I wasn't abused! LoL. I had a great childhood. This is DListed, its called sarcasm. Geesh!
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"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
Submitted by lilywhiteclass on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:41pmI'll just bet she DOES, honey!
I don't understand. I think it's a joke.
Maybe I'm having a blonde moment.
Submitted by Talkdirty2me on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 4:05pm.
Awwww man, lily. That story breaks my heart. Poor guy. Hopefully by now he's saved enough to afford a partial denture. Missing teeth can be so socially crippling.
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We both were MORTIFIED that he saw our reactions. We felt like shit for days after that, and I still cringe at the thought that we had unintentionally hurt him and made him feel embarrassed. I hope he did go for dental implants. He was a handsome man, and probably was so introverted due to his dental condition.
Awww that was cute! The UPS guys and Fedex lady at my work are all incredibly nice. I'm thrilled to see them over some of our asshole clients. But DHL can suck it!!
"I love how he's staring at the camera like, 'Someone call an AMBER ALERT, because you will get lost in these eyes.'" - MK
Awwww man, lily. That story breaks my heart. Poor guy. Hopefully by now he's saved enough to afford a partial denture. Missing teeth can be so socially crippling.
My best friend is a UPS guy & he's gorgeous too. Maybe it's a prerequisite :)
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"If you're going through hell, keep going" ~ Winston Churchill
Sadly, none of my UPS delivery men have been hot. :(
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What in the praying mantis crackhooker hell is this?! - MK 9/09
I found out about Santa when I was 7. It was Halloween and my parents were arguing about if I could go trick-or-treating. My momnwas against it, so in the midst of their argument she told ne the truth. I was devastated. I swore I would never tell my kids about Santa because it's wrong to lie. Both of my parents filled my daughter's head with that, and I went along with it. She believed for a looong time, though. I let her daw her own conclusions, but I do admit that it was cool seeing her eyes light up at Christmas.
The only thing is I wish the'd had that Elf on the Shelf when she was that age. Creepy as hell but effective from what my friends with littles say.
My business partner and I purposely set up UPS account so our office days would be set on fire by the SO FINE UPS delivery guys. We'd flirt harmlessly and like hell with them. A couple of years ago, there was a HOT Portuguese UPS guy. Jet black hair, blue eyes, tanned and muscled. My partner and I would anxiously await his deliveries. He never opened his mouth to talk, and would just smile and nod. One day, he made a delivery, and my business partner told him a "dirty" joke. The UPS guy laughed his head off and his mouth opened wide as he laughed...revealing NO upper front teeth! My business partner and I surely had a look of shock on our faces, as he quickly closed his mouth and made for the door in a flash. We never saw him after that, and we felt like shit that he saw our surprise, shock, and revulsion etched on our faces.
Talk about lunch bag letdown!
Submitted by louise_brooks on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:12pm.
Oh, Louise, that's so sad, lol! We have hot UPS drivers here in Maryland, too! Almost all of them have rippling muscles, firm butts and in the summertime.. shorts. Ooh, did it just get a little warm in here? Um, anyway, I prefer UPS over FedEx. UPS will actually take your package to the door. FedEx just leaves your shit wherever, like once they left a friggin' monitor on my wet lawn. Not so difficult brown for me!
I found out Santa Claus wasn't real when I was like 4 or 5 because when I asked my grandma, she told me NO! Then again, my grandma was a JW and didn't celebrate Christmas. Not that there is anything wrong with that. And looking back I do appreciate her honesty, but I felt disenchanted at a young age...Ahhh memories..
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"And it don't matter who you are, if I'm doin my job, its your resolve that breaks..Cause the hook brings you back, I ain't tellin you no lie. The hook brings you back, on that you can rely."
Submitted by lilywhiteclass on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:12pm.
Submitted by TOPANGA on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:06pm.
I am proud to say that I was never one of those kids who believed in "Santa". I always knew it was parents. Yea, I was that evil kid who dashed all the other kids dreams on the playground by telling them Santa wasn't real.
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Were you abused as a kid? Usually people who are so proud of their cynicism, which I've never understood, had a shitty time growing up.
Hope that's not the case for you but I'm just curious.
I have two UPS guys to deal with. One of them is fine the other one is a lazy piece of shit that always claims I'm not home to receive the package (he's ringing the wrong doorbell even though it's clearly labeled with my name) or he gives it to the wrong address. I hope his ass gets fired this Christmas and he can't afford presents for his family.
i say amazingly executed viral ad.
Submitted by lilywhiteclass on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:41pm.
UPS Man Baby
Take your package out by the tree
For me
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"I don't think anything can separate anything that's super-connected. "
-LeAnn Rimes
Submitted by Boo1212 on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:31pm.
Especially this year, haaayyyy! No really, where did winter go?
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"I don't think anything can separate anything that's super-connected. "
-LeAnn Rimes
True dat! I ordered everything through the sluts at Amazon this year and those HAWT UPS BITCHES have been ding-dong-ditching my teenagers' Christmas presents for the past couple of weeks now. And more to come.
Dat brown 'aint difficult!
Love,
Mabel
Nice change of pace to see someone enjoy their job.
Happy Sunday Dlisted elves!
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"Going to Burger King to eat healthy is like going to a prostitute for a hug." Dlister Supah 8.20.11
Submitted by can be a pushy broad on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:27pm.
She gives the dogs a biscuit.
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I'll just bet she DOES, honey!
Submitted by cocoebert on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:19pm.
Maybe the UPS is like the carabinieri in Italy- they only hire hot men.
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I want fake Santa to bring me a UPS driver NUDE calendar, and create an Italian TV show version of "COPS". Oh, those Carabinieri! *falls off her chair and grabs a banana on the way down* ARREST ME! CUFF ME!
This is why I love Texas! Our hot UPS guys wear shorts almost year round. lol
Go Verb Yourself!
My UPS driver at home is a hot, white, suburban dad type, and the UPS driver at work is a hot black guy.
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Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time."
— Haruki Murakami
This dude's pretty good, UPS should put the man in an ad! Love how he says this was done on break, hahaha smart.
Our delivery men are quite good looking too, always smiling and very chatty. lol
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Our UPS driver is a hot, tall, trim, blonde, 40ish woman! and she's great at her job and nice.
She gives the dogs a biscuit.
Submitted by Dawn Davenport on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:15pm.
I have a recurring fantasy involving the UPS man, I'd let that brown work for me!
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You and me both. There's a couple of hot UPS brothahs who I fantasize over their delivering their large packages to my shipping and receiving area, especially during the summer, when they wear their form-fitting brown short-sleeved shirts and their short shorts. YUM! Ha!
Our UPS guys are hotties, too. And in the summer they wear those shorts.
Used to have a hot FedEx guy at one of my jobs. He had terrible grammar and was married, so it was only skin deep.
@lilyehiteclass LOL! Yea, my non belief in Santa prob would explain a few emotional issues I have. *schedules appointment with therapist*.
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"I was half a virgin when I met him!"
-Mean Girl,Regina George
louise, our UPS guy is a HOT YOUNG LATINO. I cant wait til it warms up and he's in shorts again! I hope the hubs orders something soon! :P
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Maybe the UPS is like the carabinieri in Italy- they only hire hot men.
I guess I was one of those kids that didn't swallow the Koolaide on the Santa story, since Santa's handwriting was the same as Ma's and the same wrapping technique as dad's (LOTS O TAPE BADLY APPLIED). Yet, I kept it up for my little sisters and I told that yes there was a Santa and I had heard him on the roof one time. There's nothing wrong with preserving the magic when you are little. Kids find out that life is harsh soon enough.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I have a recurring fantasy involving the UPS man, I'd let that brown work for me!
Submitted by TOPANGA on Sun, 12/09/2012 - 3:06pm.
I am proud to say that I was never one of those kids who believed in "Santa". I always knew it was parents. Yea, I was that evil kid who dashed all the other kids dreams on the playground by telling them Santa wasn't real. LOL One of my friends literally cried one time. The idea of some fat old white man tiptoing into your home once a year to leave presents is a little creepy....UPS>FedEx.
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I believe this is how Stalin and Lenin targeted and indoctrinated the Russian people to the oppressive and unyielding communist mindset and life on the collective animal farm.
TOPANGA, you, my dear, are a Babushka! ;-)
Where do you guys live that you have hot UPS men? All ours could best described as looking like the creepy uncle who gets handsy with his 15 year old niece after a few drinks. I've seen a couple of good looking ones, but they are the exception.