In the previews for This Is 40, the only shots of Megan Fox show her in a bikini or in a bra, because the producers think that if Paul Rudd sitting on the toilet isn’t going to sell that shit, then Megan Fox in a bra will. Megan Fox tells The Mirror (via DM) that you better stare long and hard at her chichis in a bikini, because that’s probably the last time you’ll ever see them on the big screen. Megan is somebody’s mom now and feels like she has a moral responsibility to not embarrass her son by putting her tits on display. Mickey Rourke’s favorite actress and my favorite philosopher said this about taking her clothes off for the cameras:
“It changes your perspective about being overly sexual in a film when you have a baby. I’m going to be more cautious about choosing films because I’m already thinking about when he’s in school and his friends are going to be showing him my photo shoots with me in a bikini and he’s going to be horrified. So that will deter me from making some of the choices I made before.”
Megan Fox washed Michael Bay’s Ferrari in a bikini for her Transformers audition and she stripped down to her panties in Jennifer’s Body, How to Lose Friends & Alienate People, Jonah Hex, Passion Play and Bad Boys II. What I’m getting at is that Megan Fox is obviously not hired for her body, but she’s hired for her natural acting talent. Megan so doesn’t have the acting skills of a plastic rutabaga. It’s a damn shame that Megan is no longer going to take her clothes off in front of a camera. Because when Terrence Malick casts her opposite Daniel Day-Lewis in a big-screen version of the Shakespeare classic Macbeth, she’s going to refuse to do the “out damn spot” scene in a bikini. And doing that scene in a bikini really would’ve made that moment come alive like it never has before.
But really, I’d rather some kids show me pictures from 10 years ago of my mom in a bikini than suffer the embarrassment of my mom picking me up from school while looking every shade of busted. In every school, there’s always that one mom who picks her kid up with a plastic bag covering her rolled hair, torn sweats, stained house slippers and zit cream on her face. You know who you are and you know you ain’t right for that.
Because every celebrity who just had a baby has to talk about how much weight she gained during pregnancy, Megan Fox talked about how much weight she gained during pregnancy:
“I only gained 23 pounds when I was pregnant and I’m still 10 pounds heavier, but I don’t want to kill myself trying to get back into shape because it’s not a priority right now. I’m too in love with Noah and I don’t want to be away from him. I just want to be home.”
A whole 23 pounds. I’m pretty sure Jessica Simpson’s pregnancy farts weigh more than 23 pounds.