FYI: Giuliana Rancic Loves Baby Poop
Giuliana Rancic waited forever to be somebody's mother and now that she has a baby, she's fully embracing all the shit that comes with taking care of his ass. Literally. You know those new moms who graffiti your Facebook wall up with pictures of their baby friend waving their shit-covered hands around while laughing? No, you don't know new moms like that? It's probably just me then. I need a new Facebook life. Anyway, the physical inspiration for Azteca from Antz told People that she loves poop and has a library of baby scat movies in her computer.
“This is so gross, but I love when he poops. They make these noises and I’m always like, ‘Bill, here he goes. Tape this, tape this!’ And he’s like, ‘Must we tape this?’ It’s such a good feeling because it shows that he’s healthy and he’s regular and things are looking good. I love changing poopy diapers. When I open a diaper and it’s poopy, I’m like, ‘Yes, score!’”
Cut to her full-time nanny/diaper changer making a piping hot "bitch, stop" face while wiping ass mucus off her hands.
Giuliana only eats tips of ficus leaves for nourishment, so her shits are probably the size of bunny butt balls. So no wonder she's excited about poop and obsessed with it. Being a mom is so weird. But being a blogger who writes about a mom being in love with baby shit might be weirder.
Fun fact: One of Giuliana's nicknames for her son Edward Duke is DUKIE. She really, really does love baby caca.
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she's annoying and (cough) homely
I am laughing so hard at the poop-related comments lol!
I am completely unfazed either way by my NephChunk's shitty diapers. It's just poop y'all.
It *is* kinda funny tho - I have to admit - when I notice he's making "that face." Hehe.
As a new mom I have made a point of not posting fb pics of my now 2 year old. Don't ever ever send pics unless asked to do so. I realize that other than grandparents and a few close relatives & friends no one cares to be inundated with this crap. Thats not to say im not madly in love with my little guy but was childless long enough to know hearing about it constantly from others makes one a bore. Also hasnt she ever realized that maybe she should have tried eating occasionally to get pregnant. She looks like she hasnt had a menstrual cycle in like a decade
Maybe I'm jaded or maybe its because I don't have kids but I am so over this new mom shit. Does anyone bother to look at the 50000 pics they post on fb?and im sick of everyone going off about how smart their 2 yr olds are. Also over having to cater to moms schedules at work. Not to be mean but I don't give a shit, no one caters to me. Sorry if I offended anyone I'm just tired of it.
If you're worried about criticism sometimes a diet is the best defense - Lucille Bluth
Submitted by SoulTaker :
I deleted a 'friend' from Facebook because the NEW MOMMY I'M A NEW MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!!!!!1 would constantly post 50,000 photos of her infant and its poop, barf, snot, piss, etc.
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Ugh, I have a friend that's pregnant and is already posting FB messages to her baby. I dread what the future holds. While I'm very fond of her, and happy for her new life, I'm already disengaging a bit and that saddens me. I'm not really child friendly (it's a case by case basis).
Ive seen their show and her husband has more motherly instincts than Guilana. She cant even hold the baby right it looks like sometimes
www.twitter.com/so_infamous
Submitted by mztee on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 4:41pm.
MmmmHmmm! lol
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Big Deal, who gives a shit. Call me when the kid shits a golden nugget, then I'll be impressed.
Submitted by Jeanneee on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 2:25pm.
As a new mom, I totally get this. We are all shit fetishists for some reason.
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uhhhhhhhh no not all of us.
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
LOL to the "half-poop" comments. I call those "second wave poops." You sit down for the first wave, everything's cool, you're done. Then, 10 minutes later, the urge hits you again and you have to expel the rest....And it really is ALWAYS when you're running late.
She's so full of shit! I didn't mind changing my daughter's diaper when she was a newborn because newborn poop doesn't really have a smell but I still didn't love it as she does. Who loves changing shitty diapers??? I can't stand this woman. I wonder how her relationship with her husband is when they cameras are turned off.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 11:59am.
yesss gurrll absolutely evil incomplete poops and there you are wiping away, shredding at your butt skin and anus insides to evict whatever poop you can, they are setting up shop in your butthole and not paying rent, that's bullshit.
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OMG Sucky that was so funny, made me spit up my breakfast from laughter. How come you haven't been asked by MK to guest blog? What the fuck is he thinking! :S
Yes it's almost 1 PM here and I'm having breakfast.
This bitch. The baby has not learned to walk yet but Pimp Mama Giuliana's already training him to be a famewhore.
And I always thought she was a dead ringer for an Antz character. Well spotted MK!
She wants Bill to take video of the kid shitting his diaper? She enjoys the "little noise" he makes while blowing out his butt?
God help the poor souls who get stuck watching their home movies..."Oh here comes a good part, this is where Dukie filled up his diaper...aww look at his face getting all red--turn the volume up Bill, can you guys hear that splat-splat as it's coming out? Isn't that ADORABLE?
There is something very, very wrong with that woman.
Submitted by stefystef on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 1:56pm.
I hope her baby will wipe her ass when she's old and scrawny.
It appears that she already is.
As a new mom, I totally get this. We are all shit fetishists for some reason.
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*tosses a bag of hot dicks into Jeanneee's trough* BON APPETIT BITCH! - Raul Duke, 1/26/11
I see this woman and her husband on TV, but I don't know who they are.
I don't want to know who they are.
I don't care about her surrogate baby.
I hope her baby will wipe her ass when she's old and scrawny.
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"That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit."- MK, 10/16/12
HBM -- hey, love! <3 In this case, it's more my hatred of Fugliana Rancid. And I hate when she's on "Fashion Police" and uses the non-word "amazeballs" -- aaaarrrgghhhh! Stupid twat!
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
Yay Twat Muffin, my comrade in child-hating!
SANS FARDS -- yes, I am late to this party.
THIS FUCKING UGLY BITCH!!! Shut the fuck up, you ugly preying mantis whore!!! Who gives a fuck? First of all, I doubt this twat has ever changed one diaper. She probably has a nanny named Consuelo changing her baby's diapers. I'm so sick of this vapid twat announcing stupid shit. Why didn't her husband weigh in on the diaper announcement? Oh, right, he was probably busy fucking his girlfriend in Chicago.
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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
Submitted by skinny fat on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 12:56pm.
Submitted by QueenVelveeta on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 12:19pm.
On another note, on Fashion Police, Giuliana and Kelly overuse the word "amazing". So and so looks amazing.....over and over and over again. And, of course, before they criticize someone, they talk about how much they love them.
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It cracks me up that fugly Kelly even gets to be on a show called Fashion Police since she usually looks heinous. Ditto for La Rancid who always looks a bony sickly mess.
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She is so incrediblly fake on that show!! Everytime she gets that stupid little astonished look when the crypt keeper says something scandalous about a celeb, I feel like punching the TV!!! Its like bitch, Joan says crazy shit all the time, why are you always fucking surprised when she does it?!?!?
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe energy. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
Submitted by QueenVelveeta on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 12:19pm.
on Fashion Police, Giuliana and Kelly overuse the word "amazing".
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That's annoying but not as annoying as their use (and over use) of "age appropriate". Shut the fuck up you hags! I fucking hate that term especially coming from a cunt rag like Kelly Osbourne.
"blah blah blah needs to be age appropriate blah blah blah she's age appropriate blah blah blah and amazing blah!"
I wonder if it's wonderful when Baby Duke pisses in her eye?
I was always really happy to hear those noises, too. It was usually because I'd find something really important to do all of a sudden and hand the kid off to Boo Boo and dash out of the room before he realized he had a diaper to change but I'm an asshole like that.
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If I see something I haven't seen before, I'll throw a dollar at it.
rotfl!
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
Submitted by QueenVelveeta on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 12:19pm.
On another note, on Fashion Police, Giuliana and Kelly overuse the word "amazing". So and so looks amazing.....over and over and over again. And, of course, before they criticize someone, they talk about how much they love them.
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It cracks me up that fugly Kelly even gets to be on a show called Fashion Police since she usually looks heinous. Ditto for La Rancid who always looks a bony sickly mess.
That's cool, because she looks like poop!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by QueenVelveeta on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 12:19pm.
On another note, on Fashion Police, Giuliana and Kelly overuse the word "amazing". So and so looks amazing.....over and over and over again. And, of course, before they criticize someone, they talk about how much they love them.
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And Kelly the Fug is always OBSESSED with a look and she knows EVERYONE personally. Ugh, hate her.
On the plus side, Giuliana looked like she got rid of her extensions on the last show. Maybe some poop got smeared in those long ratty things.
Submitted by WWJDFAKB on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 12:11pm.
I hate that too. Like yeah, it's great that you're so psyched about being a mom. But don't treat a human being like a fun pretend game played with a doll.
And srsly, nobody in the world except you and your baby cares about its poop, piss and vomit. And the baby only cares because of its own comfort.
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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.
Just what I need in my life, another bony narcissistic broad who thinks their kid is so important that his or her bowel movements are newsworthy. the world revolves around this woman, why shouldn't it revolve around her spawn.
I'm sorry but I can't with the "Duke".
Yeah, I saw her and the gay husband walking in downtown Chicago a few weeks after the baby was born. And of course they had a nanny/helper who was pushing the stroller doing all the work, while Giuliana in her workout clothes was bitching about how they had to do more walking and they've been eating out too much. She is soooo skinny on person.
Queen Velveeta, STFU Parents is comedy gold. I check it daily.
I only have one "mombie" in my FB news feed. She posts about eleventy billion pictures of her kids. Usually her status updates are harmless and talk about how cute her kids are but occasionally she goes into sanctimommy mode and it gets annoying. I would block her but it's strangely fascinating.
I've instructed my friends, if I ever reproduce, to slap me silly if I start doing that shit.
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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."
Submitted by QueenVelveeta on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 12:19pm.
Y'all should get familiar with the site STFU Parents. It's all about parent overshare.
LOL! It's great that there's such a site but I don't want to torture myself even more. Social media just feed modern narcissistic tendencies. Can you imagine a mom like Rancic braying about her kid's pooping skills and her interest in them a century ago?
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 12:20pm.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 12:10pm.
Girls don't poop, everyone knows that!
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MOM!!!!!!!????????
yea, my mom told me the same thing when I was little... when I was like 10 or 11 I was coming down the hall as she was exiting a smelly bathroom and was like YOU FREAKIN LIAR!!!!!!!!!!! she lol'd and said bless your heart and walked off...
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lol...my grandma used to tell me this too, but she said it was older ladies who didn't poop, implying that once I would get older, I would no longer go poop. Very confusing to a lil tyke like me because whenever she came out of the bathroom it stunk too...I just assumed she was farting and not pooping.
"My pug is smarter than your honor student."
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 12:24pm.
Dr Oz!??!???
;p
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Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 09/19/2012 - 10:19am.
Bitch, you are not better then Keanu Reeves!
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 12:30pm.
Hahahahahahahhahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
A lot of parents seem to forget that babies grow into adults. Yes, everybody poops, but shit on the internet doesn't go away.
Thanks to Facebook mommies, there is nothing about parenthood that interests me. Thank me the next time you find an open parking spot because that's one less human on the planet.
jack, that reminds me of a classic Family Guy episode:
Peter: Yeah, I'm looking for toilet-training books.
Bookstore Clerk: Oh, yes. We can help you there. "Everybody Poops" is still the standard, of course. We've also got the less popular "Nobody Poops But You."
Peter: Huh. Well, see, we're Catholic, so...
Bookstore Clerk: Then you want "You're a Naughty Child And That's Concentrated Evil Coming Out the Back of You."
Peter: Perfect!
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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."
UGH, I always unfriend these New Mommy TMI bitches.
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
Submitted by Bossy: "Seriously? I get the feeling that whoever dates your kids will be in for a surprise. "Hey babe, how's it going?" "Eh, my feces is kind of runny today" "Uh, oh, hmm, yeah...""
Seriously! We have our boundaries. Eldest keeps it to herself now that she's older, but the little ones still report if they have "rocks" so I know to give them more fiber.
Don't underestimate the information your poop gives you!
These comments make me LOL. And I need a good lol, my life is the stuff coming out of her bebe's ass at the moment.
I actually have a couple friends on FB who are really weirdly paranoid about their kids, and will not post anything about them at all, at most maybe like 2 pictures a year. Maybe they think everyone on their friend lists are pedophiles waiting to see pics of them or something. Whatever, it's less annoying that way anyway.
I don't have kids, unless you count my dogs, and don't want any either. I pay for a dog waste removal service to come pick up the poo from my yard, because I really hate poo.
Giuliana is cute because she wanted a baby so badly and has been through a lot. Good for her, but I'm sure the shit loving stage will wear off.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 12:10pm.
Girls don't poop, everyone knows that!
----------------
MOM!!!!!!!????????
yea, my mom told me the same thing when I was little... when I was like 10 or 11 I was coming down the hall as she was exiting a smelly bathroom and was like YOU FREAKIN LIAR!!!!!!!!!!! she lol'd and said bless your heart and walked off...
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Bwha!
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
Y'all should get familiar with the site STFU Parents. It's all about parent overshare.
On another note, on Fashion Police, Giuliana and Kelly overuse the word "amazing". So and so looks amazing.....over and over and over again. And, of course, before they criticize someone, they talk about how much they love them.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 11:53am.
lololololololollollllll or spinal tap poop that is delivered breach... no bueno
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Oh, god. This is oneupmanship, right? She can't just LURVE being a mom. She can't just LURVE her baby. Nope, she has to LURVELURVELURVE him so much that she's even loves shit because of her wonderful baby. Because she's such an amazing mom, don'chano?
The only consolation is that it's so OTT (for now) that it probably won't catch on. But I dread to think about what will happen to that little boy once his classmates discover this.
Submitted by Deb on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 11:57am.
The worst are the "half-poops". They usually occur when you are running late to be somewhere. You go to the bathroom, and only half comes out. You use up a roll of TP wiping, and wiping, and wiping....
TMI? ;)
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TMI? YES!!!!
And also: preach it, sistah! I hate that shit!
Submitted by SoulTaker on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 11:16am.
I deleted a 'friend' from Facebook because the NEW MOMMY I'M A NEW MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!!!!!1 would constantly post 50,000 photos of her infant and its poop, barf, snot, piss, etc.
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An old friend of mine recently had a baby, and changed her FB profile into her new sons profile, as if we asked to be her sons friend. She even does dumb posts like "mommy bought me this new hat" etc. *shrugs* She even messaged me the other day to vote for her son for something. Now they have baby rating systems, WTF?
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
Submitted by Hekki on Wed, 12/05/2012 - 11:56am.
Although I do agree that poop is a good indicator of lots of things, and I have spent much time discussing poop (among our little family, though - that's private!). Even now, the kids report and describe their businesses. Then I know who needs more fiber/water or some bananas.
Seriously? I get the feeling that whoever dates your kids will be in for a surprise. "Hey babe, how's it going?" "Eh, my feces is kind of runny today" "Uh, oh, hmm, yeah..."