The Trollsens Have Really Outdone Themselves This Time

December 4, 2012 / Posted by:

Last year, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s fashion line The Row put out a backpack that looked like a giant, pregnant roach and it cost $39,000. It sold out, because sometimes extremely rich bitches get bored with burning their money in copper fire pits, so they spend it on caca instead. Then this past summer, the Trollsens made an anti-PETA fur purse that sold for almost $17,000. A bargain! But now they’re taking overpriced foolery all the way by selling this crocodile backpack covered in fake prescription pills. They want $55,000 for a backpack that looks like Neely O’Hara barfed all over it. If you want to spend $55,000 on Leatherhead’s dead mom, then please spend an extra few dollars to fly to Los Angeles so I can slap the shit out of you. You can choose the airport I’ll meet you at (Note: Please choose Burbank or Long Beach, because I don’t want to deal with LAX traffic. Thank you.)

The Daily Mail says that artist Damien Hirst, the one who killed Jaws, collaborated with the Trollsens to make a bag that costs as much as a car. I like how they use the word “collaborated.” Please, you know they were all sitting around a coffee table, doing lines and getting drunk when Mary-Kate dropped a bottle of Vicodin on a bag and they’re all like, “FASHION! ART!”

Only twelve will be sold (because there’s only twelve dumbasses in the world who will spend their money on this) and proceeds will go to UNICEF.

In all seriousness, if you really want this, let’s just go to Wilson’s Leather together, buy the cheapest backpack there and then Super Glue some pills on it. It’ll probably look better than this shit. But why would you want pills on your backpack anyway? Do you know how many Lohans will be chasing after you, trying to nom nom nom on your bag? Do you really want to turn around and find Dina Lohan chewing on your pocketbook? That’ll ruin your day.

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