“DENIED, BITCH!” is what the cash machine will scream at White Oprah today when she tries to use a skimmed copy of Lindsay Lohan’s ATM card. Lindsay Lohan apparently owes the IRS more than $233,000 for not paying taxes in 2009 and 2010, and even though Charlie Sheen tried to save her by giving her $100,000, it wasn’t enough. The IRS seized all of her bank accounts, which means that every member of the Lohan family will be at the soup kitchen asking where the open bar is.
TMZ, of course, says that the IRS tried to work with LiLo, but they’re stick of waiting around for her to pay up and she hasn’t even paid her 2011 taxes, so they froze her accounts to try to get paid. One source says that LiLo is freaking out about how her financial situation is rushing down a gutter river headed straight for a storm drain. LiLo is doing whatever she can to pay off her debt with the IRS.
That means we can expect the following headlines from TMZ:
1. LINDSAY LOHAN ARRESTED FOR ORGAN TRAFFICKING – TRIED TO SELL BROTHER’S KIDNEY!
2. FBI BUSTS LINDSAY LOHAN’S GERIATRIC PROSTITUTION RING – SHE TRIED TO SELL NANA LOHAN AND ALI LOHAN!
3. LINDSAY LOHAN ARRESTED FOR ALLEGEDLY STEALING HOMELESS MAN’S $100 BOOTS!
The IRS is so shameless. They’re obviously using Lindsay Lohan to get their 15 minutes of fame. They’re going to hire Gloria Allred, give interviews to The Insider and start tweeting about how she called them a racial slur. They obviously set LiLo up. They’re nothing but publicity whores.
It’s a good thing that like every good mess, LiLo keeps all her money in the toilet tank.