Everyone knows Lindsay Lohan was set up, even Lindsay Lohan knows this and she’s got coke mush for brains. LiLo’s mom White Oprah thinks she’s solved the mystery of who is the mastermind behind the set up. You can laugh all you want, but White Oprah IS a skilled-mystery solver. Every time she plays a drunken game of Clue by herself, she wins. She also once gave a lazy hand job to a bartender who acts in Murder Mystery Dinner Theater productions on the weekends. White Oprah knows her mystery-solving stuff.
A detective usually doesn’t reveal her suspicions until she’s solved the crime, but Radar offered White Oprah a half-bottle of gin, so she couldn’t resist. The new Detective La Toya had this to say about the fortune teller who is accusing her precious child of assault and battery:
“I am increasingly disturbed to be told Ms. Allred’s new client lives in Palm Beach just minutes from my ex-husband’s home. What else is there to learn about the circumstances surrounding this unfortunate incident?”
Keep raising that monocle, White Oprah! It’s extremely suspicious that two people have lived in the same city as each other. They’re obviously in CAHOOTS! White Oprah will say she told us so when a picture comes out of Tiffany Mitchell getting a black belt from Michael Lohan’s Karate School of Pussy Punting.
Michael Lohan, of course, responded to White Oprah’s subtle accusation:
“Dina’s comments are delusional and just go to show the lengths she’ll go to divide me from my children and pollute their minds. The public can see right through her. It’s a really sad situation when a mother doesn’t join hands with a father to help their daughter instead of
making up stories about him.”
White Oprah can’t hold hands with Michael Lohan, because one hand’s got a magnifying glass in it and the other hand’s holding a plastic cup full of her trusty sidekick, Dr. Charles Tanqueray.
And as Lindsay Lohan shits out potatoes from sucking down so much vodka, her parents are fighting in the media. White Oprah & Michael Lohan: teaching us how to be good parents since 1986.