Saturday, December 1st 2012

Detective White Oprah Sees You, Michael Lohan

Everyone knows Lindsay Lohan was set up, even Lindsay Lohan knows this and she's got coke mush for brains. LiLo's mom White Oprah thinks she's solved the mystery of who is the mastermind behind the set up. You can laugh all you want, but White Oprah IS a skilled-mystery solver. Every time she plays a drunken game of Clue by herself, she wins. She also once gave a lazy hand job to a bartender who acts in Murder Mystery Dinner Theater productions on the weekends. White Oprah knows her mystery-solving stuff.

A detective usually doesn't reveal her suspicions until she's solved the crime, but Radar offered White Oprah a half-bottle of gin, so she couldn't resist. The new Detective La Toya had this to say about the fortune teller who is accusing her precious child of assault and battery:

"I am increasingly disturbed to be told Ms. Allred's new client lives in Palm Beach just minutes from my ex-husband's home. What else is there to learn about the circumstances surrounding this unfortunate incident?"

Keep raising that monocle, White Oprah! It's extremely suspicious that two people have lived in the same city as each other. They're obviously in CAHOOTS! White Oprah will say she told us so when a picture comes out of Tiffany Mitchell getting a black belt from Michael Lohan's Karate School of Pussy Punting.

Michael Lohan, of course, responded to White Oprah's subtle accusation:

"Dina's comments are delusional and just go to show the lengths she'll go to divide me from my children and pollute their minds. The public can see right through her. It's a really sad situation when a mother doesn't join hands with a father to help their daughter instead of
making up stories about him."

White Oprah can't hold hands with Michael Lohan, because one hand's got a magnifying glass in it and the other hand's holding a plastic cup full of her trusty sidekick, Dr. Charles Tanqueray.

And as Lindsay Lohan shits out potatoes from sucking down so much vodka, her parents are fighting in the media. White Oprah & Michael Lohan: teaching us how to be good parents since 1986.

Posted by: Michael K


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Get Serious's picture

I swear, I want to bitchslap every single one of them. White oprah for being the world's worst parent, the dad for being such a publicity whore, Ali for dropping out of high school so she could try to be like her sister and blowhan for all her lies. But, mostly, I'd really like to belt white oprah for being such an insufferable enabling cunt...

--------------------------------------------
"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer

Meatblocks's picture

lovin the side by side pic choices.
but, you know, if i had to pick a douche in the douchefest, it'd be pops over dina-sore.

*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*

cmc311's picture

I'm extremely surprised that we never hear of Lindsay's brother...I wonder what he thinks of all this. He seems like the only normal one.

Anita Bidet's picture

is that lindsay's daughter?

Trudat. I could chase her down the street with an ax, and everybody would go, "I wish I could do that."

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

misslainey's picture

The only reason her parents make excuses for her is to cover their horrible parenting. They know she turned out bad because they suck, but don't want to admit it. I'd love for either of them to admit that they made huge mistakes raising this girl, but they won't.

Those two are so much alike I can't believe they're not still married.

Gardening Girl's picture

I bet you anything these two have angry sex with each other now and then.

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

salacious's picture

Oh FFS, this couple of assholes just love being on the spotlight and make themselves look good, don't they? It doesn't matter if their daughter got in trouble, so long as they have a chance to get on their respective soap boxes in front of the media.

I'm willing to give Hohan the benefit of the doubt this time, because I wouldn't put it past them to set her up so that they would get another chance to be on the news. Fuck these assholes.

livetotell375's picture

tolerancecompassionlove......I would hope at the end of the days/days, both Dina and Michael want what's best for their children.Love them, protect them,tell them you love them and....if they're going through hell...tell them to keep going...and stand by them(stop talking and just be there for them you fuckin fools..

Scott in NYC's picture

That fucking whore Dina Blohan could have stopped her statement at "I'm increasingly distrubed." Did someone already say that? I never read the comments on here.

Mani6's picture

Doing a lot of cocaine can make you paranoid and delusional...that is all.

............................................

Hekki's picture

Submitted by MissS: "Michael Lohan is a douchebag of the highest order... But he has the edge over Dina - it's not an edge of integrity, history, or wanting what's best for Lindsay...it's simply that he lives in reality."

Very well put.

Mani6's picture

If the gypsy Euroface lied to the cops about Drunkhan hitting her then she should be brought up on charges and sent to jail...hopefully the same jail that Lindsay will be sent to for...oh wait...lying to the cops. We will see.

............................................

Lucifer_Sam's picture

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Sat, 12/01/2012 - 10:03pm.
"the Girl Who Cried Sober".

LOL FOREVER.

Girl, you better copyright that!

parissucksliterally's picture

Lucifer, I call her "the Girl Who Cried Sober".

:)

***********************************************
Oh little baby, what we had was good
How come you don't call me anymore?

Lucifer_Sam's picture

Submitted by parissucksliterally on Sat, 12/01/2012 - 9:45pm.

She has become the boy who cried wolf, because, really, that oompa loompa nobody went up to her just to cause trouble and deserved to be fucking punched. But it's Lindsay - why the fuck would anybody take her side anymore?

parissucksliterally's picture

http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/73858928.html

HAHAHAHAHA...Too funny.

***********************************************
Oh little baby, what we had was good
How come you don't call me anymore?

killerswan's picture

I really needed a laugh today. Thank you for the "shitting out potatoes" comment because it did the trick.

Craigypants's picture

White Oprah is nothing but a Coke snorting, pill popping, Booze guzzling delusional Whore. She is a laughing stock. Thats all I got.

RandéSleepover's picture

Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Sat, 12/01/2012 - 7:45pm.

My great aunts and uncles live in Florida. They're not in cahoots with ML, unless he's running an underground bingo ring.

haaaaaaaaaaaa

freshfacestripper's picture

Whaaaat? U can't be this high?? Lives in the same neighborhood..so,therefore, she is the guilty one and provoked a fight? Regardless,bitch..never hit a person unless someone is about to whoop on u first. That is the fucking law last time i checked. She going to jail!

Michael Lohan is a douchebag of the highest order who would sell Lindsay out for a defunct twinkie if the weight he gained from eating it would get him on Celebrity Fit Club.

But he has the edge over Dina - it's not an edge of integrity, history, or wanting what's best for Lindsay...it's simply that he lives in reality.

What is she even trying to accomplish here? ML is a mess, too, but she can't really think he's recruiting random Florida residents to pick fights with Lindsay in clubs at 4am?

My great aunts ane uncles live in Florida. They're not in cahoots with ML, unless he's running an underground bingo ring.

MissJaneTexas's picture

The best punishment for all of them is if we never spoke, wrote or thought about them again. They would have to go back to normal people life and it would kill them.

I can't wish death on anyone no matter how vile (minus pedos and animal abusers) but I am tired of hearing about them

**************************************************************

Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012

KA's picture

"It's a really sad situation when a mother doesn't join hands with a father to help their daughter..."

ITA. michael is a fucking mess but he's right.

-----------------------------------------
"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK

WithinReason...'s picture

Submitted by Whamo on Sat, 12/01/2012 - 6:12pm.
--
MONAY moves around Lilo, Whamo. That's why these two in the picture! Short and simple. Just sad.

Happy Saturday! ;)

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░

ImpertinentVixen's picture

Dina would have us believe M-Lo is eeeeebilll, and perhaps he is a famewhoring bandersnatch, but he doesn't seem to be as enabling as White Oh. White Oh seems to enjoy partying with her daughter and they probably both have substance abuse problems.

Whamo's picture

@ Hockey Fan....agreed totaly, back when she was underage anyway but now that she's an adult all they can do is ask her to get help. I guess the bottom line is Lindsay is an adult and it's up to her alone to get the help she needs. She doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with her and until she wants to get better herself there is nothing anyone can do.

If both care about the welfare of their spawn so much, why can't both just handle their family bidness in PRIVATE?

MizRo's picture

News media: abstain from coverage of these 2 beyond-repair beings. Stop the attention and hopefully they will disappear.

IT Hockey Fan, ita.

Hockey fan's picture

You know, if their daughter wasn't a celebrity, these two would have CFS all over their asses. THey'd be in fucking jail and their kids living with Nana or a faster fam. These two are the problem. Fucking disasters.

Whamo's picture

@ Mike....ya I certainly won't defend how much of a POS he is that for sure. I guess my only point is he's willing to say Linds has a problem and needs help unlike White O, they are all a waste of humanity!

Hekki's picture

Agreeing with Whamo. Michael Lohan is Monday morning quarterbacking, but he has admitted that Lindsay has a problem. Dina is still denying all over the place.

Still, they're BOTH pieces of shit.

Submitted by WendyNerd on Sat, 12/01/2012 - 5:45pm.

AND his little tie and shoes! They're in on the plot too!

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Foxxy Brown's picture

at least we'll still have this fool to laugh at when Crackella DeLusion kicks it

agree w/you re:Michael, Whamo. he's a piece of shit too, but i think he's dead bang on when he talks about Crackella

ETA: lmfao @ WendyNerd! hahahahaha

"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12

WendyNerd's picture

I bet Dr. Phil was in on it too.

Butterfly in the sky
I can go twice as high
Take a look
It's in a book
Pig-fucking movie
Pig-fucking movie

ponchiks's picture

I once lived on the same street as a millionaire. According to this logic I should be one as well then. I am yet to find those millions! I now feel as if Dina cheated me.

I didn't know there was DNA in my ass!

JessicaGiovanna's picture

Unless its a post about this crackie doing some real time in the pokey, I dont wanna see it.

Whamo's picture

Submitted by Doll-Parts on Sat, 12/01/2012 - 5:32pm.
Hmmn... I wonder what Courtney Love is up to!
_____________________________________________
I think she's on her way over to pick up Linds for a night on the town.

But the way I didn't at first but now I really dig Courtney's version of Credit in the Straight World.

mike's picture

Submitted by Whamo on Sat, 12/01/2012 - 5:38pm.
Submitted by mike on Sat, 12/01/2012 - 5:17pm.
__________________________________
Hi Mike, don't you think though that he's at least admitting Linds problems though? I just seems to me White O is blaming everyone else and not admitting Lindsay has any problems at all.

At the end of the day I couldn't give a shit about any of them mind you and I too and tired about reading about all of them. Lol

 
Eh, he's beat his gf up (including punching her in the vag - who even does something like that?) for one. He also now claims to be all religious, in spite of the fact that he's still a fuck-up. Also, as some have you are probably aware, I cringe at the mere thought of fundies.

Whamo's picture

Submitted by mike on Sat, 12/01/2012 - 5:17pm.
__________________________________
Hi Mike, don't you think though that he's at least admitting Linds problems though? I just seems to me White O is blaming everyone else and not admitting Lindsay has any problems at all.

At the end of the day I couldn't give a shit about any of them mind you and I too and tired about reading about all of them. Lol

Esteem's picture

Is someone paying these jerks for these stories? Shut your damn mouths and keep the family business that involves your children behind close doors. Trash.

Doll-Parts's picture

Hmmn... I wonder what Courtney Love is up to!

"This world is a whore."

WithinReason...'s picture

Screw these two nobody relatives of Lohan and the lazy tabloids asking them questions. At least their f'd up daughter can carry a Lifetime film to 3.5M, hahaha I'll kick both their vaginas if I ever see them IRL Haaaa-YAAAAA MF'ers! ;)

"What else is there to learn about the circumstances surrounding this unfortunate incident?" - that is a suspicious mouthful WO!

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░

Lucifer_Sam's picture

Jesus Christ, yet another Lohan post?

ikoihiI's picture

Dina. Such a shining gem.

mike's picture

"lazy hand job"? : (

It's like saying one pile of shit is better than the other, but I'm Team Dina in this matchup. Michael is my least favorite Lohan.

That pic above is possibly the worst advertisement for Sundance in existence. Fortunately it jumped the shark about ten years ago.