Today, my beloved Uncle Mark and my beloved Aunt Sandy (I AM related to them somehow, I just know it!) accepted a check for $293,750,000 from Lottery officials for having one of two winning Powerball tickets. After taxes, they’ll get around $136.5 million. Yes, Ancestry.com just crashed, because we’re all on there to confirm that we’re Uncle Mark and Aunt Sandy’s niece or nephew.
The second winning ticket was bought in Arizona and the winner hasn’t stepped forward yet, but apparently the winner is a dude from Maryland. Surveillance footage from a gas station in Maryland shows a guy walking in to check his lottery ticket. The clerk checks the ticket, which was bought in Arizona, and dude starts freaking out. Then he asks everyone if all six numbers match. We’re not only possibly watching a lucky ho find out that he’s just won more money than he knows what to do with, but we’re also watching several people contemplate hitting him over the head with a blunt object, grabbing his ticket and running off to the local lottery office to collect the winnings in unmarked bills. You’re not supposed to tell everyone you just won! That’s now how you do it. You’re supposed to quietly slip away and go home to delete your Facebook account, quit your job, quit your family, disconnect all your telephone lines and disappear. #getmoneyandrunbitch
I don’t know if dude is wearing a work uniform or not, but either way, he should use some of his winnings to buy the company that makes that outfit. Because that IS the look.