Lindsay Lohan Is Drinking All The Vodka
Lindsay Lohan's assistant Gavin Doyle dramatically quit yesterday morning after she kicked him out of her SUV and he immediately jumped on Twitter to tell her to get help. Everyone assumed by "help" he meant "REHAB!" But one of LiLo's lawyers Mark Heller says that alcohol never touched her lips the morning she punched one of Dionne Warwick's psychic friends. Well, TMZ is basically calling Mark Heller a liar, because they say LiLo was drunk on booze when she fisted that psychic in the face, because she's always drunk on booze.
Several sources tell TMZ that for the past few months, LiLo wakes up in the morning, pours vodka in her coffee cup, brushes her teeth with vodka, gargles with vodka, cleans her pits out with vodka, fills her neti pot with vodka and buttchugs vodka. LiLo starts drinking vodka in the morning and keeps drinking vodka throughout the day. LiLo guzzles down as much as 2 liters of vodka a day. Either I prolapsed again or my liver just slipped out of my ass after I typed "guzzles down as much as 2 liters of vodka a day."
LiLo's friends (and even Michael Lohan) have all thrown up their arms and given up on trying to help her, because she won't listen to them and becomes a real mean bitch when she's drunk. LiLo's daily drinking grew to SANTO DIOS proportions when her money and legal troubles got worse.
If LiLo keeps sucking down 2 liters of vodka a day, it won't be long before most of her internal organs raise a white flag and/or the entire vodka industry tells us that there's a vodka shortage. Should I make A Vodka Message To Lindsay Lohan video or do you want to do it?
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Submitted by annobanano on Fri, 11/30/2012 - 4:26pm.
Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Fri, 11/30/2012 - 4:13pm.
I hate this bitch, but I don't want her to die. I'd loooove to see her do a couple years in prison. I think that would be her only chance at sobriety. She'd probably come out looking way better than she does now.
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I don't want her to die mainly because the "it's such a tragedy" and "she died too soon" tributes will be intolerable.
I don't want her to die because her fuck-ups are so entertaining.
I wonder if Michael Lohan will write a tell-all after she dies. Or will it be her mom? or both?
Vodka makes her mean? Take that away and give her some gin!
I didn't realize Pinnacle Vodka is only 35-50% alcohol by volume. Huh.
Edited because I'm an idiot. Smirnoff is also 35-50% ABV.
Did learn though that Pinnacle has a Pumpkin Pie flavored vodka. (sounds good, but most likely waaaaaaay too sweet)
Submitted by NOT IMPRESSED on Fri, 11/30/2012 - 4:13pm.
I hate this bitch, but I don't want her to die. I'd loooove to see her do a couple years in prison. I think that would be her only chance at sobriety. She'd probably come out looking way better than she does now.
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I don't want her to die mainly because the "it's such a tragedy" and "she died too soon" tributes will be intolerable.
As much of a waste of DNA she is, hoping she would die is a little harsh and morbid. Sadly, there's a good chance it will happen, or like I said yesterday, she will probably get institutionalized. She clearly has some mental issues that's beyond addiction.
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
I hope she sees jail time for real and for a good while. I just can't seem to drum up much sympathy for her. She seems to have no redeeming quality whatsoever, and has had a grossly unfortunate upbringing, but others have been in similar or worse situations and fail to become the menace she has. I can't stand her lying, scapegoating, and getting away with things others would be swiftly punished for.
She's a fuck up because ultimately she wants to be. I do believe there are/were people in her life that care for her wellbeing and warned her. But she's one of those who doesn't give a flying fuck.
@mefungirl
I agree, but I don't think she should go back into acting if she ever does get clean. Her career is kaput and I just dont think she has the mental fortitude to withstand all the good and bad that comes with fame and would eventually end up right back in her old habits id she ever started acting again.
She needs to get clean, step out of the limelight and just live a normal, well managed life....
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe energy. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
This woman is going to be dead within the next year.
I hate this bitch, but I don't want her to die. I'd loooove to see her do a couple years in prison. I think that would be her only chance at sobriety. She'd probably come out looking way better than she does now.
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Douchechill!
Submitted by mefunigirl on Fri, 11/30/2012 - 4:08pm.
This girl needs a good 3 years out on some Montana farm completely away from the limelight. No cell, no cable tv, no internet.
get healthy of body, mind and spirit then make a "comeback" of sorts. I can see a healthy her playing the sidekick in RomComs.
But the window of opportunity for that is SLAMMING shut quickly.
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Someone on another thread a while back said that she got kicked out of rehab. Something about her having a personality disorder, basically being incurable and the staff realising that all she'd do is mess up other peoples' chances.
It's disturbingly believable to me. *adjusts framed armchair psychology degree* So I'm not sure that a change of scene would help her. Not unless she really wanted it, and I don't think that will happen.
Submitted by Event Horizon on Fri, 11/30/2012 - 4:05pm.
You can look at that prematurely aged, water balloon face and tell she's a binge drinker, duuuh!
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Absolutely. Reminds me of the puffy mess Melanie Griffith was circa Working Girl.
Let's hope this is true, because if she's drinking that much she won't live much longer.
I smell a legal ploy here. She dramatically fires her drug dealer Gavin, I mean assistant, in front of cameras. Some "anonymous"(Gavin)insider drops the story about her drunky drunky ways. A trip to wonderland rehab can't be far behind, to prove to the court she is getting help (for the hundredth time). I don't doubt Lohan guzzles all the booze in town, I don't think she ever stopped drinking and snorting judging by her looks and her voice. But I hope the judge pulls the rug out from under her entitled ass.
So.....she hangs out at nightclubs until 3 or 4 in the morning on weeknights but isn't drinking?
Riiiiiight.
Submitted by que cochina on Fri, 11/30/2012 - 4:05pm.
The same way she manages to evade jail time will probably apply when she develops hepatic cirrhosis and will go to the front of the organ recipient list. I think I'm gonna change the organ donation on my driver's license to read "my organs may be donated to anyone but Lindsay Lohan."
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*follows suit*
Can we add every member of the Kardashian Family to the 'No liver for YOU" list? Although Kim probably will need someone`s eyeballs, if she continues to let people piss in hers...
This girl needs a good 3 years out on some Montana farm completely away from the limelight. No cell, no cable tv, no internet.
get healthy of body, mind and spirit then make a "comeback" of sorts. I can see a healthy her playing the sidekick in RomComs.
But the window of opportunity for that is SLAMMING shut quickly.
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Success is a great deodorant ~ Liz
She'd better not die at 27. 26, or after 28. She does not deserve to be in that club.
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Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
2 liters of vodka a day? I guess I was wrong. She really was the perfect choice to play Liz Taylor
The same way she manages to evade jail time will probably apply when she develops hepatic cirrhosis and will go to the front of the organ recipient list. I think I'm gonna change the organ donation on my driver's license to read "my organs may be donated to anyone but Lindsay Lohan."
You can look at that prematurely aged, water balloon face and tell she's a binge drinker, duuuh!
And ew, MK anus prolapses!!!!
b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b~j~b
"I'm doin hoe activities, with hoe energy. Hoes are my friends, hoes are my enemies."
My brother was only 24 when his alcoholic body gave out last year. His drink of choice was a heavy dose of vodka as well. He did the rehab thing a few times as well. Either they get the help and fix their shit or they don't. But they definitely can't blame anyone but themselves...
Is she 27 yet??
I HOPE LINSAY LOHAN DIES!!!
BAWAHHAAAA!!
Aside from her attention whoring, lying, stealing, drugging and slutting it up, add unstoppable boozing to her list of major accomplishments. She's accomplished so much for someone so young...
She so desperate for attention that she thinks being infamous or notorious is the same thing as famous. Time to say goodbye real soon; everyone is bailing from her (friends, employees, family) because she's a sinking ship.
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Submitted by perky on Fri, 11/30/2012 - 3:51pm.
I was thinking, as payback for "Liz and Dick", Lifetime should do a Lindsay biopic starring Joan Rivers as Lindsay. If Joan is unavailable, then Harvey Fierstein.
hahahahaha
She should get clean and sober as a big FU to her parents.
Why did the toasted marshmallow taste like fish?
LIES! Everyone knows Blohan neither brushes her teeth nor washes her pits!
Cosign with Vern about Amy.
P.S. When you pack your nose like this girl does, the vodka helps keep her from going into orbit. But it becomes a vicious cycle of "Too gakked, need a drink," to "too drunk, I need a bump".
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Fri, 11/30/2012 - 3:46pm.
no way does she have the body weight to drink like that without also doing coke etc to keep herself awake. no way.
Probably true. See recent fisticuffs.
She is not long for this world. The other members of the 27 Club will laugh in her face when she gets to the Pearly Gates of St. Peter and expects entry, though. Because the rest of them had this little thing called talent.
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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."
All of those cigarettes have already killed her taste buds.
Submitted by Mel-Tang on Fri, 11/30/2012 - 3:52pm.
I don't believe any sober bitch would voluntarily drink vodka all day. She has to be numbing her taste buds and mind before downing that much. Vodka is NASTY.
I can drink almost half a liter of Pinnacle Vodka (which has less alcohol than regular vodka) in one binge--but it gets me black out drunk and I only do it once a month or less. Plus I'm ALOT heavier than Lindsay Booze han.
I suppose if you were drinking all day long, sun-up to sun-down, 2 liters would just keep you steadily blitzed. But no body can keep up that pace for very long before their body gives out...stomach, esophagus, liver.
Here is my version of the firing of Lindsay's assistsnt:
Lindsay: But you have to tell the court in LA that you were driving! I will pay you $??? to take the fall for me. (notice that I only used 3 question marks cause she is broke)
Gavin: Look, if I get charged with perjury..
Lindsay: With what??
Gavin: Lying under oath! I could get charged and end up in real people jail. Not celebrity jail, where a 6 month sentence ends up lasting 15 minutes. In real people jail where 6 months lasts six months. No way in hell I am lying for you.
Lindsay: Get out of my car!! Whoa, do not take that vodka poured inside a water bottle with you! I am not a drunk.
I don't believe any sober bitch would voluntarily drink vodka all day. She has to be numbing her taste buds and mind before downing that much. Vodka is NASTY.
* 100% hotness verified by WHAMO. :P *
www.poopreport.com :)
<3-------------------------------<3
RIMADYL KILLS
I was thinking, as payback for "Liz and Dick", Lifetime should do a Lindsay biopic starring Joan Rivers as Lindsay. If Joan is unavailable, then Harvey Fierstein.
Submitted by Few Words on Fri, 11/30/2012 - 3:35pm.
next stop: porn or armed robbery.
I remember when Dana Plato robbed a video store and the clerk telling the popo I just got robbed by that girl from Different Strokes.. then she made a porn with a similar title.. and now she's worm food.. Lindsay, you're right on schedule.
Submitted by Vern on Fri, 11/30/2012 - 3:23pm.
I miss Amy Winehouse.
The one-year fans are always the staunchest <3
Makes me wonder how much real vodka was in those glasses on the Liz and Dick set.
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Fri, 11/30/2012 - 3:42pm.
no way does she have the body weight to drink like that without also doing coke etc to keep herself awake. no way.
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by Lisbet459 on Fri, 11/30/2012 - 3:34pm.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Fri, 11/30/2012 - 3:33pm.
Nu-UH! She is SOBER! STOP SPREADING THESE LIES ABOUT HER!!!!
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Look at you, with your little shoes.
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*snort*
You can slap all the makeup and lip plumper in the world on her, but it just goes to show you can't polish a turd.
Submitted by Granny Clampett on Fri, 11/30/2012 - 3:37pm.
I correctly predicted Amy Winehouse's joining of the 27 club and I'm calling Lindsay Lohan as the next major inductee (she turns 27 in July).
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She's not worthy. 26 is a good age. Hell, I can't believe she's still around.
its a ploy to avoid jail & go to rehab instead.
just watch. bitch gonna skirt out jail again.
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
Well, it's cheaper than coke, more readily available, and legal (if you're not driving). On the other hand, it's fattening and leads to liver disease. I bet all her Poland Spring water bottles have been full of vodka.
My uncle drank 30 years vodka every day after work and was worse on the weekends and holidays. Basically had to have it first thing and last thing of the day. Vodka fucks ppl up! Wtf? Its like go get medical help dude. That shit is killing her. She needs jail and rehab and to totally be an ambassador for sobriety if she ever gets there. But, i think that shit takes a hold of u and kills u and there nothing u can do.
Of course she wasn't drinking in a nightclub at 4 am on a weeknight. That's just where her book club meets.
That would explain the bloat. Nobody believed she was sober anyway, not for an instant. Bitch fucks up all the time because she's high all the time.
i texted my friend about this, and told him about the 4 charges on 2 coasts in one week. he said Lohan should start dating Katt Williams.
l.m.f.a.o.!!!
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
I correctly predicted Amy Winehouse's joining of the 27 club and I'm calling Lindsay Lohan as the next major inductee (she turns 27 in July).
"When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better." ~Mae West
well, I belive she is a major trainwreck, and it is super convenient to blame alchol for your life problems, hell I do, and I don't even drink every day, but this cunt had everything handed to her on a silver spoon that she conveniently filled with coke and chased it with booze and created her own hell on earth. All addicts and alkies cry the same sad song, I know after 30 years of drugs and alchohol, yes I still drink but I need to lately cause of this little rage issue I am trying to contain, but listen, all she had to do was stay and home and drink her blues away, that is the only way you can cope then cope that way, in public she will always be a raging alchoholic, in private you can cry and scream and puke and beat up a pillow, but for God's sake don't end up in handcuffs over your venting rants....I keep trying to sort of feel sorry for her and then I remember all her free legal passes, all her arrogance and all her stupidity, and just cannot do it, even with her pathetic sperm donor and egg carrier, I just can not. Get clean or die...that is the only way out for your Hohan.