I Don’t Know Who Olly Murs Is, But He Wants You To Know That He’s Got A Five Incher

November 28, 2012 / Posted by:

If you asked me a couple of days ago who I thought Olly Murs was, I’d guess and say that Olly Murs is the accidental love child Hoops & Yoyo made during a night of awkward drunken cat and rabbit gay sex. (They don’t like to talk about it.) But I would’ve been wrong (I think), because Olly Murs is a British pop singer type who was the runner-up on the sixth season of The X-Factor UK, and now he’s known to me as the dude with five fully functional inches of love.

Olly Murs is apparently known for his bulge (see: pictures below of Olly Murs shooting a video in Venice, CA on September 21st. That’s not an overfull diaper in Olly’s skinny pants. That’s his five inch carrot and two avocado seeds.) and so Heat World (via ONTD) asked him about it during an interview. Heat World not only asked him about his bulge, but they also reached new levels of TOO MUCH INFORMATION by asking him to get specific and shit. And Olly did get specific:

“Maybe 13 [cm]? That’s what I’d go with – it’s definitely not 20cm. It would be quite big. I think 13cm.

It [his bulge] doesn’t bother me. I have never, honest to God, tried to emphasise it. It has always been other people. I have never thought of myself as someone who has a big bulge. But this is probably the first time I will be arrogant by saying I have never had a complaint…it’s not about the size; it’s what you can do with it that counts. It’s not about quantity, it’s about quality. And I am all about quality.”

I love how Olly says “I think.” Ho, please. You know he measures it daily. Olly slaps his peen against a ruler and tries to stretch it as far as it will go the same way Tommy Girl stands on his tippity, tippity tip toes when John Travolta’s measuring him on a growth chart in the Scientology playroom. “I grew 0.00003 centimeters!” is a line both Tommy Girl and Olly’s peen have screamed out recently.

And I bet that when you put all of Olly’s 13 centimeters in your mouth, you can articulately say the name “Olly Murs.” That’s a selling point for 5 inch dicks! Think about that the next time you’re about to roll your eyes when a trick on Craigslist tells you that he’s only got 5 inches.

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