Buttered Pop-Tarts For Everyone!
The last puddle on the streets of Los Angeles from the last great amniotic fluid flood that was Jessica Simpson's birth hasn't even dried up, but she might already be knocked up with her second kid. It was just seven months ago when Maxwell Drew rode her tricycle out of Chestica's coochie after being up in there for approximately 26 trimesters and now a source tells UsWeekly that another fetus moved into her womb 9 weeks ago. Well, I guess that's one way to get out of your Weight Watchers contract.
Jessica's rep hasn't opened their mouth about this yet, but they can take the day off, because some source is spilling all the details for them. The source says that this is one of those whoops-a-babies (Side note: "Whoops-a-babies" sounds like Kate Gosselin's favorite sport.) and Jessica and Whateverhisnameis didn't exactly plan to have another kid so soon after the first. But that's the funny thing about making babies. Sometimes when you take bare loads to the ovaries, a baby happens! This is Jessica's cue to start screaming at nature for lying to her by saying that you can't make a baby if you're squirting leche from your nipple knobs. Jessica found out the real way that sometimes breastfeeding isn't nature's birth control.
So this is why when I went to El Pollo Loco last night to order their entire stock of chocolate nachos, the lady at the window told me that a screeching tornado of blond hair came through and picked up every last delicious chocolate tortilla chip. Damn you, Jessica. Another 7 months of hos telling me that they're all out of chocolate nachos.
This is good news for so many reasons. Whateverhisname just won another 18 years of not working. Hostess gets to stay in business now. And thanks to Jessica blabbing about the joys of pregnancy sex over and over again, Papa Joe can frolic on all the twink butt he wants without nosy tabloid reporters sniffing up his ass. ("But I like it when they sniff up my ass." - Papa Joe)
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The diet was too much for her, but she would have been fined if she didn't loose weight with her weight watcher contract. Getting pregnant was a non-litigation way out of it.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 2:22pm.
I also think J Hudson had surgery. I think she follows the WW plan to not gain weight back, but she had surgery.
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I think this too.
Submitted by bridgjones on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 4:47pm.
Submitted by Green Tea Latte on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 4:40pm.
Hmm this actually reeks of K(well)Fed and BritBrit foolery (smells of cheeto dust and stale Fanta Orange...)
^^^^^^^^
Cosign
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Totally! Brit Brit's cheeto's are only one year apart.
Oh boy, I hope she's doing this for the right reasons. So soon after having one. Was this one of those 'oopsies, I really am that dumb' or does she want them close together? well, congrats to her I suppose?
I have a feeling that Chestica is going to be one of those hicks that has about 10 kids, Bitch loves being pregnant. At least it gives her an excuse to look like the side of a bus.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 9:07pm.
^^^^
Thank you! HR monitor puts me burning 3300 a week, but I'm not taking what it says as religion.
I *need* to run to stay sane, need the training plan because I can't make a decision on what to do when. I got a Muscle and Fitness Hers workout book, and they pretty much laid out "Do this for six weeks. Do that for six weeks and see what works." So far the whole body three times a week has been kind to me. I'm sore, but not so sore that I have to brace myself to sit and pee. I like to do weights because I like feeling strong. I *like* to feel my muscles working.
It's not as hard as it was when I started. It's easier to stay fit than to get fit, that's for damn sure. It took two years before I could run three miles without stopping.
It's helpful that the hub-unit is a fitness fanatic.
Submitted by bridgjones on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 8:34pm.
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My goodness you're doing everything you need to do. You know it already but all that muscle mass weighs more too. Only the waist on your clothes will tell you the truth about whether you're losing any weight, lol. But boy, I feel the calories a-burning from here! ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by CheeryBitch on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 7:52pm.
Submitted by bridgjones on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 7:27pm.
Sounds about right! I started plateauing when my activity went up. I'm not about to chunk back up, so that's why I said "kiss my ass" and went to Plan B: Sparkpeople.
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Myfitnesspal is another good one. WW is just one giant money-making scheme, like most of the diet plans. (Sorry, I'm a personal trainer and despise most of the quick loss scams.)
I REALLY hope Jessica is not pregnant again.
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****I agree on that. I like Spark People. Great suggestions for work outs, and it helps you gain new ideas for fitness.
It also shows you the sad reality in how calories just ADD up. I can be a true liquid sugar junky, and that is ALWAYS a downfall.
My boyfriend uses My Fitness Pal. He lost about 50 pounds on it. He is pretty skinny, which is kind of weird, but I am very proud of him. He is anal retentive to the MAX. So, that being said, it can be a little frustrating to count everything. You really have to be dedicated. I plan to start doing all that yunk (love it - with a y) as soon as I complete a few other things in my life. Uggh...back again!
Wow, I dont know. Having ANOTHER baby is kind of a severe way to get off the diet train. I mean, it is not a fun ride (at least according to my family members and friends). All that pain and discomfort just so she can eat? Makes no sense to me. I would rather sweat and struggle in workouts (BEEN THERE!) than go through labor!!
Sounds very intense and crazy.
Submitted by WithinReason... on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 7:39pm.
^^^^
Change every six weeks. Just started a 10K training plan that incorporates hill and speed work. Weight training changes every six weeks. I do bike, on weekends that I don't run. No swimming because of the expense and I don't want to drive 30 minutes to swim in some kid's piss.
Even though my weight is not changing, I know my body is with the weights, so that may be why I didn't completely give up. I just remembered how I felt 40 pounds ago and it kept me from stuffing my gob.
Submitted by CheeryBitch on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 7:52pm.
^^^^
WW was by no means quick, and I did learn (re-learn)measuring and portion control. That's what rubbed my ass so much over JS shaking it and calling it WW. Eating well for me wasn't the problem. I ate too much of it.
I think it's more for people who just walk and not for people who get hardcore. I am just getting back to where I was before I chunked up.
I'll keep that website in mind, it may be my Plan C.
One of my friend's is into Herbalife and I avoid all diet related talk with her. UGH.
Another is all into doing the next fad after fad. I avoid diet talk with her too.
Submitted by bridgjones on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 7:27pm.
Sounds about right! I started plateauing when my activity went up. I'm not about to chunk back up, so that's why I said "kiss my ass" and went to Plan B: Sparkpeople.
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Myfitnesspal is another good one. WW is just one giant money-making scheme, like most of the diet plans. (Sorry, I'm a personal trainer and despise most of the quick loss scams.)
I REALLY hope Jessica is not pregnant again.
Submitted by bridgjones on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 7:27pm.
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So long as it works for you. Have you tried changing up the activities to something like swimming or biking? Maybe that would help get your back on track and avoid plateauing. Change every few weeks to keep it interesting. Sounds like you have things in hand though.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Submitted by unemployed_bum on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 6:27pm.
WW is designed to make you plateau and go crazy. They want you to say "Fuck it" and decide that since you can't lose anymore weight, you will just eat whatever you want.
^^^^
Sounds about right! I started plateauing when my activity went up. I'm not about to chunk back up, so that's why I said "kiss my ass" and went to Plan B: Sparkpeople.
Submitted by bridgjones on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 3:46pm.
Because I have been doing WW for over a year now. I have been stalled for five months and have been banging my head against the wall
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My mom did WW back when they first introduced the points and shit like 20 years ago. It was way more confusing and ridiculous than it is now. Anyway, she had this theory that WW is designed to make you plateau and go crazy. They want you to say "Fuck it" and decide that since you can't lose anymore weight, you will just eat whatever you want. So then you start gaining lots of weight back and then pay to go through the program all over again. And then you will plateau and repeat the cycle until you just get old and die.
*I'm ashamed of what I did for a Klondike Bar*
LMAO! Her fat ass just didn't want to work out anymore and she loves food! What better way to get off the hook with that shit then getting pregnant again!
Homegirl just wants to return to stuffing her mouth with burritos and velveeta all day. Can't say I blame her.
Kidding aside, I like her and if she can afford to have another, then why the hell not?
That was quick...as she just lost the weight after her first pregnancy. Or was that at least a few months ago?! I think I've lost track of time.
'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'
Okay so she did lose weight and now she's preggo BUT why is her freaking face so weird looking. It's like lindsay lohan levels bloated. Even if she loses weight I don't think her old face is ever coming back.
http://cityrag.com/2012/11/jessica-simpsons-smoothie-diet/
Submitted by azgirl on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 5:06pm.
I don't understand how she is getting paid by WW when she isn't even doing the program. 3 shakes a day is not the WW program. What a major scam.
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Cuz they already invested a ton of money into marketing her before she dropped the weight, and the extreme diet is working so WW is ok with it as long as they get some kind of result and a return on their $$$.
She used to be cute but now her face is all tragically fucked up.
She used to be cute but now her face is all tragically fucked up.
I don't understand how she is getting paid by WW when she isn't even doing the program. 3 shakes a day is not the WW program. What a major scam.
Submitted by CashewTime on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 4:23pm.
I know a woman who kept popping out kids in order to avoid going back to work because her husband wanted her to get a job. It really isn't too far-fetched to think maybe Jessica would rather have another kid than stick to her WW contract, which was obviously difficult for her to maintain. The woman can't even eat solid food ffs.
Submitted by Green Tea Latte on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 4:40pm.
Hmm this actually reeks of K(well)Fed and BritBrit foolery (smells of cheeto dust and stale Fanta Orange...)
^^^^^^^^
Cosign
Hmm this actually reeks of K(well)Fed and BritBrit foolery (smells of cheeto dust and stale Fanta Orange...)
That "Fiance" of hers is getting his gold-digging on...Jessica your money's in danger girl!
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Someone by the bar keeps looking at us dancing. I see him starring at me, I see what he wants be
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>:- (
Mr. Mercury ♥
Luci,
her career is, selling her personality and fashion. She's a billionaire. She would have gotten attention a million other ways without this. Girl knows how to sell herself, and she has staying power. I also don't think she's bad people. Getting preg to stay big is just not something she would do. She's no teen mom or Kartrashian to me.
RESPECT THE SKETTI AND RESPECT THE PURTY!
- Submitted byTigerlilly on Thu, 11/22/2012 - 8:54pm.
Submitted by CashewTime on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 4:23pm.
^^^
I know, hubby did a half earlier this month and it was hardcore here since June. Glyogen stores and all that. I have cut back since I was training with him. That's just four miles four times a week. I could do more, but I'm a lazy bitch and don't wanna.
I am trying to stay off the scale b/c of that and the weight training. I know I chunk up a good seven pounds before it starts coming back off. It takes about a month.
Thanks for listening to me whine.
MK, you are really in lurve with those chocolate nachos! LOLOL
Shrugs at this lollipop and her baby gumdrops. Congrats?
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░
Submitted by CashewTime on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 4:23pm.
The woman was obviously losing weight, and I highly doubt she wanted another one with her career.
But her career IS gaining and losing weight and giving interviews about gaining and losing weight.
Jfc,
Saying a woman got pregnant just to stay fat is so fucking vile. The woman was obviously losing weight, and I highly doubt she wanted another one with her career. only a Kartrashian would get pregnant for such a disgusting reason. and what's wrong with having your crotch fruit back to back and looking pregnant while at it. Some of these comments are ridiculously shallow and bit sick.
RESPECT THE SKETTI AND RESPECT THE PURTY!
- Submitted byTigerlilly on Thu, 11/22/2012 - 8:54pm.
Bridgejones,
Running can pack on weight as your body stores stuff to help you run further. if you take a week off you might drop. And you're right-better to do sparkpeople; that ww food is nasty. I can't do shit without low carb high fat.
Edited to make sense
RESPECT THE SKETTI AND RESPECT THE PURTY!
- Submitted byTigerlilly on Thu, 11/22/2012 - 8:54pm.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 3:30pm.
^^
I think she meant that Snooki dropped the chunk and immediately got pg.
I will use this post as an excuse to get my rant on since JS is in it.
Bitch did NOT follow WW points. TMZ put out what that ho ate and it was three shakes a day with two small crunchy snacks. Pissed. Me. Off.
Because I have been doing WW for over a year now. I have been stalled for five months and have been banging my head against the wall. Chatting with my SIL who was also doing WW, I learned that ho quit SIX MONTHS AGO. She has been doing a program at work because WW wasn't giving enough calories since she is a runner. Apparently, if you burn more than six APs a day, you need to go get some "professional" help, that WW isn't for you. THANKS FOR THE INFO SIX MONTHS LATER.
So, I've been running 16 miles a week and weight lifting and doing yoga three/four times a week. They expect you to count cleaning the house and mowing and shit as APs too. I hit 42 APs by the middle of the week. All this shit and not losing.
Then this bitch prances in saying she lost 60 pounds doing WW when it was really a fucking liquid diet.
So, after talking to SIL, I'm back to Sparkpeople. WW helped b/c I am trained to measure everything. They did help me drop 40+ pounds, I guess I'm more mad at SIL for acting like she was doing WW when she wasn't. Hm.
Just started counting on SP this week and already down two fucking pounds.
Thank you, rant off.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 3:30pm.
WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
Snooki is pregnant again?!?!?
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No, I just remember Snooki losing some weight before she got knocked up.
With Jessica being pregnant again, I've learned that the term "Irish Twins" exists. Haha, I only find that amusing because my mom's family is totally Irish Catholic.
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
What a total dumbass. I hope Weight Watchers sues her soon to be even fatter ass for this one. It is so hard on your body to have kids so close together and it is tough on the kids too. They fight A LOT when they are close in age. But the real point here is that she is going to gain even more weight with this pregnancy considering she hasnt lost all the weight from the other one. I am taking bets...who wants to take "WEIGHT GAIN +100"? Last time it was +80...
Wow, what a shitty life.
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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK
Submitted by WWJDFAKB on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 2:59pm.
Ugh, all of that weight loss for nothing. I felt the same way when Snooki slimmed down and got pregnant right after. Sounds superficial of me, but as someone who's been and still kinda overweight I know how hard it is to lose the pounds. With all of that hard work (which Jessica may or may not have had to deal with) I would at least like to enjoy being fit for a while. Also I just believe there should at least be a 2-3 year gap between siblings, but that's just me.
On another note, I wish El Pollo Loco was still around in GA. Their chicken tortilla soup was awesome. It's one of the more healthier fast food joints out there :(
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WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
Snooki is pregnant again?!?!?
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 2:00pm.
In regards to pregnancy #2 and getting outta this WW's contract?
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This (which I do believe was intentional) but mainly her overall dumb-girl/airhead schtick.
When Newlyweds was on I couldn't believe how stupid she was on the show and she's even worse in interviews so I wrote her off as a total idiot.
Since then her "singing" career stalled, she left her hubby and cheated on him to go hump on BAM and other nasty dudes, bombed all of her "acting" attempts, got fat and basically has no talent. All of these things even individually have brought down more worthy starlets yet somehow she not only gets away with it but builds up a gazillion dollar empire. Plus she's still "endorse-able" because somehow people still like her.
And now she just trolled WW for more money than most people will see in a lifetime.
I think she's an evil genius.
Submitted by FaerieBad1 on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 3:25pm.
I beat all of you on the relatives having babies crap. My cousin had her first baby at 14 and then that kid got his girlfriend pregnant when he was 14. Yep, the cousin was a grandmother at 28! Not sure if she is a great grandma yet, but if the every 14 years thing continued, she is.
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Get TLC on the line there's a show there somewhere.
Seriously though... dang!
I beat all of you on the relatives having babies crap. My cousin had her first baby at 14 and then that kid got his girlfriend pregnant when he was 14. Yep, the cousin was a grandmother at 28! Not sure if she is a great grandma yet, but if the every 14 years thing continued, she is.
And Jessica is about as dumb as my niece. She got pregnant when her first was 6 weeks old. she just kept repeating "I don't know how this happened!" And yes, she is a product of the abstinence only education movement.
Jessica was always fighting the fat, and now that she's had a kid she's doomed to stay that way. She may as well stay pregnant for the duration of her fertility, like Michelle Duggar.
Awwmmm Maxie Pad will have a sister Tampax!
"This world is a whore."
Ugh, all of that weight loss for nothing. I felt the same way when Snooki slimmed down and got pregnant right after. Sounds superficial of me, but as someone who's been and still kinda overweight I know how hard it is to lose the pounds. With all of that hard work (which Jessica may or may not have had to deal with) I would at least like to enjoy being fit for a while. Also I just believe there should at least be a 2-3 year gap between siblings, but that's just me.
On another note, I wish El Pollo Loco was still around in GA. Their chicken tortilla soup was awesome. It's one of the more healthier fast food joints out there :(
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 2:40pm.
she lied... she said 6 months when he told her weeks... nevermind LOL
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Gardening Girl: "...My cunt niece was a bitch and a brat and only 16. She had the nerve to go around telling familywhat to get her...So I got the the little cunt a bible. You should have seen the look on her face."
HAHAHAHAHHA!! That made me LOL. Genius.
Submitted by jack-n-the-hat on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 2:08pm.
Translated for M.E. - so pretty....
Ex wife: THU DAHKTIR SAY-YED WE GUN HAFTA TUWATE SIX MUUUNCE 4 EWE KIN TUCH MAY WIH THA-YUT THANG UHGINN!!
"My Obstetrician advised me that we will need to wait a minimum of 6 consecutive months before you may insert your penis in me again."
Jacko: I SAID YER MOUTH SHER AIN'T BROKE EEZIT?!
"suck my dick"
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SIX MONTHS?
WTF KIND OF DOCTOR WAS YOU EX WIFE GOING TO?
@ Foxxy - I'm laughing because that's yet another photo where Nahla resembles her dad! I wonder if Halle sees it to? I hope not. That poor id already has an uphill battle, she doesn't need any more insanity in her life.
Submitted by CokeyBloke on Wed, 11/28/2012 - 2:19pm.
This should be tagged in Photoshop Awards based solely on the SMILE ON SURI'S FACE. Obviously fake.
since you're calling our attention to other things on that cover -- "Halle's Nightmare??!!!" how about "Nahla's Nightmare" fuck you US Magazine -- nothing but a paid publicity rag
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12