November 27, 2012 / Posted by:

Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez both have restraining orders against Gabriel Aubry, and yesterday he got his own restraining order against the French boxer who whooped the hot right out of his face. Gabriel gave these pictures of his post-Thanksgiving beat down face to the court and I’ll never understand why the authorities didn’t immediately run out and arrest Olivier for crimes against beauty. Gabriel looks like James Cromwell did experiments on him in the American Horror Story lab. Gabriel’s got the crazy running through each and every one of his veins, but he went from looking like a thing of natural beauty to looking like Chloe Sevigny’s AHS character with a beard on.

TMZ says that Olivier told the police on Thanksgiving morning that Gabriel came at him, but Gabriel says it was the other way around. In his declaration to the courts, Gabriel says that on the night before Thanksgiving, they were all at Nahla’s school to see her play and Olivier came up to him and whispered in his ear in French, “I wish I could beat the shit out of you right now. You’re lucky we’re in a school right now. We’re going to take Nahla right now and you’re not going to follow us.” Then Olivier ate 5 dozen eggs, bench pressed 3 blondes and won a spitting match. Bitch thinks he’s Gaston or some shit.

Gabriel says that the next day, he took Nahla to Halle’s house and usually the nanny greets them at the door, but this time it was Olivier. Olivier told Gabriel they needed to talk, but he wasn’t having it so he turned around to walk back to his car. Gabriel says that’s when Olivier jumped off the stairs, knocked him to the ground and started slamming his head into the concrete. Olivier kept screaming about how Gabriel cost him $3 million. I guess $3 million is what Olivier paid the lawyers to try to get Nahla to France.

When Olivier finished beating the French and the Canadian out of Gabriel, he told Gabriel to move to France or he’d kill him. Olivier also told Gabriel that the police were coming and he better tell them he started the fight or else. The “else” is code for “You be dead.” Gabriel never told the police about the threats and Halle’s “sources” still say he’s the one who started the brawl.

Gabriel will also go to court today to try to get the judge to lift the restraining order that’s keeping him from going anywhere near his daughter.

The moral of this story is: If you find yourself falling in love with Halle Berry and she’s falling in love with your ass, save yourself the drama, visits to family court and punches to the face by checking yourself into the nearest mental hospital. Because if you want to be with Halle Berry, then you are beyond insane. This is what happens to your face on Halle Berry!

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