Anybody who follows comedy writer Jenny Johnson on Twitter knows that she’s always throwing shit bombs at the likes of Kim Kartrashian and Chris Brown, and every now and again one of them throws shit bombs back. Yesterday afternoon, Jenny called The Difficult Brown by his official name (“worthless piece of shit“) and he responded by barfing out a series of tweets that belong in a book of romantic sonnets. They are that poetic. Here’s how their shit fest of words went and I put it in script form so you can perform at the PTA talent show at your kid’s school:
CB: I look old as fuck! I’m only 23…
JJ: I know! Being a worthless piece of shit can really age a person.
CB: take them teeth out when u Sucking my dick HOE.
JJ: It’s “HO” not “HOE” you ignorant fuck.
CB: see.. I don’t even have to tell u what u already know. Thanks HO! #bushpig
CB: I should fart while ur giving me top.
JJ: Your mom must be so proud of you.
CB: mom says hello… She told me not to shart in ur mouth, wanted me to shit right on the retina,
JJ: YOU FLIRT!!! Okay. I’m done. All I got from that exchange with Chris Brown is that he wants to shit and fart on me. I have zero respect for a person who seems unapologetic for the terrible crime he committed and shows no signs of changing.
CB: Just ask Rihanna if she mad??????
JJ: Get some help. Seriously.
Aaaaand scene! Chris Brown hit the delete button on his Twitter account a few hours after this happened and soon as he finishes pouting so hard that his butt plug falls out of his ass, he’ll be back. Jenny Johnson says that she’s been getting death threats from Team Breezy on Twitter. But a death threat just isn’t that scary when you know that an extra slow 12-year-old is tweeting it while sitting in the back of the detention trailer at school.
What I’ve learned from this mess of a Twitter fight is that Fist Brown is a charming romantic and a SCAT QUEEN. And Chris Brown doesn’t need to shit in your eye to show you what it feels like for him to shit in your eye. Because every time I look at a picture of him, it feels like someone just dropped one on my retina.