“She Could Be A Farmer In Those Clothes”

November 24, 2012 / Posted by:

Because Chad Kroeger and Carly Rae Jepsen were unavailable, Canada gave the Diamond Jubilee Medal to the last Canadian on this planet who deserves any kind of medal. CTV News says that the Diamond Jubilee Medal is given to Canadians “who have made a significant contribution to a particular province, territory, region or community within Canada, or an achievement abroad that brings credit to Canada.” Giving that shit to Kon Kan would’ve been a better decision. Who was ever in charge of making this decision probably realized they made the worst decision ever when Justin Bieber showed up to the award ceremony looking like if Spanky from The Little Rascals was a character on The Boondocks. There’s nothing worse than a cocky toddler in a backwards cap and overalls.

Justin’s mother must’ve been scrubbing the skid marks out of his diaper leggings, because he wore some OshKosh B’Gosh overalls instead. I’m surprised the helmet of silver thread on Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s head didn’t melt from all of the #SWAG bombs that Justin dropped. And by “#SWAG bombs” I mean the poopies he dropped in his diaper during the ceremony.

Yes, Justin could’ve dressed up by wearing a tuxedo onesie from Babies ‘R Us, but I’m more concerned about how this junior douche keeps putting on the worst in 90s fashions. We should close and lock the door to the 90s fashion vault before The Lesbeaver starts wearing shit from Cross Colours and SKIDS.

And I don’t know if that yarn wig on Stephen Harper’s head is a work of NO or a work of YES. I’m leaning toward the latter, because it looks like it was made by the same people who make the hair on the Baby Abuelita doll.

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