Mike Rowe Is Out Of A (Dirty) Job

November 22, 2012 / Posted by:

You probably already heard this news last night when your mom, or who ever is hosting Thanksgiving dinner, called to tell you that they’ve put the frozen turkey on the front porch and you can come pick it up and cook it your damn self, because they aren’t getting out of bed today. There’s no reason to go on. It’s just going to be them, a bottle of wild turkey and a box of raw Stove-Top in bed, because they need some time to get over the fact that the Discovery Channel ruined their lives. Mike Rowe announced on HuffPo last night that Discovery has done horny straight ladies and gays wrong by yanking Dirty Jobs. Blame Romney.

KY’s sales will drop and they have Discovery to thank for that. This is how Mike Rowe explained why he’s in the back of the unemployment line with Chevy Chase:

Whenever Dirty Jobs goes off the air for a few months, people start to wonder if the show has been canceled. Rumors begin to swirl, and questions about the show’s future fill my inbox. Over the years it’s been my pleasure to assure anxious fans that Dirty Jobs is coming back for another season. And indeed, we always have. Alas, this year, I’m afraid I cannot dispel the rumors. A few weeks ago, I was officially informed that Dirty Jobs had entered into a new phase. One I like to call, “permanent hiatus.” Or in the more popular industry vernacular, canceled.

My first instinct was to immediately pass the news on to you, but frankly, it’s taken me a few weeks to digest. Dirty Jobs is a very personal show, and it’s difficult for me to imagine a future that does not involve exploding toilets, venomous snakes, misadventures in animal husbandry, and feces from every species. Nevertheless, the future is here, and while it does not appear to contain any more Dirty Jobs, it will almost certainly include another Thanksgiving. So in the spirit of the holiday, I’d like to thank those people most responsible for reinvigorating my erstwhile career, and launching the most honest show in the history of reality TV.

You never thought you’d ever pinch your nipples to the sight of a man crawling through a tunnel of rats in the sewer , but Mike Rowe made it sexy. It’s the end of a fapping era. Well, at least Mike Rowe now has time to pursue his true destinies: the power top with all the lines in gay porn and a time traveler. I say “time traveler,” because Mike Rowe was destined to be a Playgirl pin-up circa 1982.

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