Lifetime Movies Get Red Carpet Premieres, Apparently
No, this is not a picture of international supermodel Phoebe Price declaring war on Gotham City after falling in a vat of toxic waste. This is freckled coke booger Lindsay Lohan flexing her 8-ball cheeks at the Hollywood premiere of the comedy event of the year Liz & Dick. Yes, they have premieres for Lifetime shit shows and no, the premiere wasn't held at a $3 movie theater in Simi Valley, CA and the after-party wasn't held in the back room of a discount strip club that's known for its world-class potato bar. The Liz & Dick premiere was held at The Beverly Hills Hotel. Bitch is moving up!
Wearing a stole made from the living room carpet at her favorite local crack house and a Windsor Fashions gown the slutty girl in your high school (aka you) wore to prom in the mid-90s, the Meryl Streep of basic cable posed for something other than a mug shot for once. Leave it to LiLo to teach us that no $8.99 stripper dress from the Flirt Catalog can be labeled as a work of elegance unless it has a whory hole cutout for your belly button. You can hiss at LiLo's nails all you want, but "dirty crack pipe water" will be the nail polish shade of the season. Looking like the trophy girl at the AVNs is the look.
And since no LiLo post is complete without a delusional cherry on top, here's this priceless gem:
"Elizabeth was drunk on sets. I've never been drunk on set, ever. I did my time and I respect the law."
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! As RuPaul would say, "That's funny! Tell another one!"
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Submitted by WendyNerd on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 5:56pm.
I'm going with your number 3! There are quite a few I'm sure. I think SamRo was the only real relationship she ever had.
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Submitted by Dog on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 5:30pm.
I think men, even through beer goggles, instinctively know she's a STD-ridden psycho nightmare and only paid tweakers will touch her. Tweakers she pays.
Yes Doggie, there was a time when I found her sexually attractive but lately she just grosses me the fuck out!
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I was actually thinking about her lack of a dating life the other day. I came up with a few reasons:
1) Image is everything. Lindsay Lohan is known for being a train wreck and crazy. Any guy in showbiz who dated her would find himself instantly the subject of gossip about him being on a downward spiral/on drugs/going crazy. After all, he's dating Lindsay Lohan. Remember when Britney was going nuts? What really got people worrying about her was when she started partying with Blowhan and Parisite Hilton. No guy would risk that sort of damage to his career. Not even a dumb one. It would do nothing to help his career and everything to damage it.
2) Remember the Samantha Ronson craziness? Lindsay went so crazy stalker I think Ronson even had a restraining order at one point. No one wants a part of that.
3) She's either actively hooking or has some secret older sugar daddy.
4) Whenever she gets into trouble, she always scapegoats someone else. She'd definitely do it to a boyfriend or girlfriend. No one wants any part of that.
5) She's Lindsay Lohan, her mother is Dina Lohan, and her father is Michael Lohan
Although several weeks ago, during that failed intervention mess, I think a boyfriend might have been mentioned.
Butterfly in the sky
I can go twice as high
Take a look
It's in a book
Pig-fucking movie
Pig-fucking movie
Wow, she's a hot mess. Those titty bags look atrocious, ever heard of a bra bitch?
Unfortunately I think this tv movie will rate through the roof and all for the wrong reasons. She will then be rewarded for her fuckery with more work and the cycle will continue.
She is repulsive.
Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 2:23pm.
OT - I just bought my first pair of Miss Me jeans.
*faints from price*
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M.E......I have a great pair of Miss Me Pants that I can no longer wear (fucking menapause) only wore them 2X. Black cargo-ish type pants with embroidery Size M. Wanna buy them?
OT: Who the HELL has a premiere at the BHH?? Did they book a room with a slide projector and a pull down screen?? And why is Snortcake the only one in the movie to appear? Guess Grant was too embarassed to show his face.
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Why some turds evade the whirlpool...god only knows. They are survivors. The fittest.
- Hysteria
I don't know where to begin. The dress looks like a Fredrick's of Hollywood clearance night gown. The hair, the lips... Does she have any one around her who can tell her she looks horrendous? Or do they all kiss ass for a check? I think Lindsay has now entered her fat Elvis phase, and I'm not talking about her weight. I'm starting to feel sorry for her because it's getting really pathetic.
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 5:33pm.
Bitch looks like she should be brushing her hair with a Dinglehopper
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I love it... one of my favorite Disney characters... Buddy Hackett was the SHIT!
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Now where the FUCK is OP?
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 5:33pm.
Bitch looks like she should be brushing her hair with a Dinglehopper or whatever the hell Scuttle the seagull called it.
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I FUCKING LOVE YOU FOR PULLING QUOTES FROM THE LITTLE MERMAID OUTTA YOUR ASSHOLE FOR THIS THREAD!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU!!!!
Hahahaahaaaa, Jack!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 5:33pm.
What? Jack, you dont want to run your hand down her creamy torso?
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Of course I do, if I was holding a chainsaw.
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Bitch looks like she should be brushing her hair with a Dinglehopper or whatever the hell Scuttle the seagull called it.
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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."
What? Jack, you dont want to run your hand down her creamy torso?
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
I think men, even through beer goggles, instinctively know she's a STD-ridden psycho nightmare and only paid tweakers will touch her. Tweakers she pays.
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www.charitywater.org
www.theanimalrescuesite.com
www.modestneeds.org
i am going to say something nice. in the commercials for this atrocity, she DOES look good as 80's liz, with the big hair and sunglasses. thats all i have.
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
HER GODDAM BELLY BUTTON IN PIC 8 IS HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLL WORTHY...! FUCK
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"A Muppet and his money are soon parted." ~ Lu32Cy (aka Lucifer Sam)
"I'm back. You're Welcome." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by vsminimoose on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 3:47pm.
All jokes aside about how she probably can't get a date but does anyone find it weird that she NEVER dates anymore? I mean.....almost every girl in hollywood finds someone to date within a 2 year span or more.
Is she such a mess that finding a person is just not on her radar or is it the other way around?
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Hooking for that Vikram (sp) dude makes it hard to be in a loving relationship. So hook she must!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by missskitttin on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 4:57pm.
lol Lrose people don't do coke anymore. This ain't the eighties.
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Riiiiight.
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That's a very expensive chardonnay you're not drinking...
Submitted by missskitttin on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 4:57pm.
lol because of course coke is the only thing that ever gets snorted in the not-80s
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
lol Lrose people don't do coke anymore. This ain't the eighties.
Submitted by MissDior on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 4:40pm.
Parisucks,
Of course she has no regrets! She doesn't ever think she's done anything wrong!!! She's a victim ( in her own mind). What kills me is the part where she says she'll fall in love after she wins her Oscar! That's why she's turning tricks, gotta save up emotional energy for her eventual Oscar role!
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I can't even bring myself to click on that fuckery, but the part about the Oscar is mind-bending.
The only Oscar she'll ever clutch in her speckled, thieving claws is a pack of head cheese from Oscar Mayer.
God, she's all sorts of hideous in that pic. Her oversized fake bolt-on titties look terrible in that dress, and that face make-up... blech. She reminds me of the fat chicks in high school who thought they were hot & dressed like your circa 2005 myspace teen sluts...
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"Dammit, Pam, I've seen that, and now I can't unsee it. There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
Her gunt extends out as far as her boobs do in the side pic .. That blush situation scares me .. Maybe she realizes how fucked up her cheek situation is and was trying to minimize them .. Backfire !!!
Anyone else notice the white powder in her nose in the first thumbnail????
What' the fuck is up with her face in thumbnail 10? It looks like some character from Avatar or something!
Thoughts?
Oh, hang on! On closer inspection, the hem of that dress reveals its former life: a set of cheap satin sheets. Or satin drapes discarded by the local brothel.
Submitted by dorian_graye on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 1:31pm.
Sorry, but that gown looks like it was made from a Simplicity dress pattern.
Hey, now! That's "a Simplicity pattern sewn by someone who can't sew!" Simplicity on it own may be plain, but for the most part the designs are solid. Someone added the cutouts & jewels, which would never appear in a Simplicity design. Flirt or Frederick's of Hollywood ca. 1972, yes.
On topic: This doesn't look like Hohan. Could she have had even more plastic surgery in the last two days?
What in the cracked out Little Mermaid hell? I.....just....no.
When is this shit on TV? I can't wait to watch the epic trainwreck.
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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."
Parisucks,
Of course she has no regrets! She doesn't ever think she's done anything wrong!!! She's a victim ( in her own mind). What kills me is the part where she says she'll fall in love after she wins her Oscar! That's why she's turning tricks, gotta save up emotional energy for her eventual Oscar role!
No date, no friends, no family not even spectators. Who came to that "premiere"? The paparazzi??????
"I can see your freckley dirty Pillows!"
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That's a very expensive chardonnay you're not drinking...
Thumb #5 is the stuff of nightmares.
The dress ("Carrie" for sure) also reminds me of the Mary Tyler Moore episode when the former inmate/aspiring dress designer made a cut-out dress for Mary that Ted was drooling over. It was at least as tacky and ill-fitting as this.
Submitted by vsminimoose on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 3:47pm.
All jokes aside about how she probably can't get a date but does anyone find it weird that she NEVER dates anymore? I
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I never thought of that, you're right she doesn't date ANYONE and she use to be linked to all sorts of people hmmmm!
It's not that uncommon for TV movies or even TV shows to have premier screenings. Tons of shows do it every year when the new season starts.
Submitted by sushi on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 1:25pm.
Submitted by REDMOND on Wed, 11/21/2012 - 1:16pm.
Shithan was NEVER a great actress. Yes, she was good as a little girl in the Parent Trap. She was fine in Freaky Friday. People always cite Mean Girls as if it was some acting triumph, which it certainly was not. The movie wasn't that great, and it didn't demand she show any range. She was no better in it than Amanda Seyfried, Rachel McAdams, or the Party of Five girl. Anyway...
THAT DRESS! Barf. What a shitfest. It's starting to look like her face is permanently fucked too. Hoping for a Shithan Thanksgiving holiday overdose this weekend!
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Exactly! Her best roles were as a child when you were surprised how good she was. I thought Rachel McAdams walked away with Mean Girls. She was incredible in that.
I think were it not for her trainwreck of a life she would've faded into the "where are they noww" files and not able to get work at all.
And man, she jacked up her face with those fillers.
~!~!~!~!~!~
Thank you, thank you, thank you. She had the most boring, least funny role in that whole film. She was just a stand in while everyone else was funny around her. That's why it drives me nuts when people talk about what a "great actress" she is. No, sorry, you're only a great actress if you have actually done great acting.
WHY DO PEOPLE INSIST ON SAYING SHE'S SUCH A GREAT TALENT? WHAT HAS SHE DONE TO PROVE THAT???
She had charisma. Not talent.
Butterfly in the sky
I can go twice as high
Take a look
It's in a book
Pig-fucking movie
Pig-fucking movie
Looks like she was so serious about the part she grew herself a distended abdomen. Sorry, worm lips, only interested in seeing you in jail.
You guys stop giving her such a hard time! I absolutely believe she's never been drunk on set. Maybe high on coke, yes. But they didn't ask her that, and it is SO different being drunk than being high. Besides beverages are a hazard because if she spills, someone can slip and get hurt. : /
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I like to smile, smiling's my favorite! : )
The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
All jokes aside about how she probably can't get a date but does anyone find it weird that she NEVER dates anymore? I mean.....almost every girl in hollywood finds someone to date within a 2 year span or more.
Is she such a mess that finding a person is just not on her radar or is it the other way around?
Absolutely Whorid! While perhaps Miss Taylor was drunk on set at least she was not behind the wheel, nor was she ever in court weekly. Nor did she steal cheap jewelry. She was given monumental gems by men that loved and worshiped her. I would think you might have learned a few things...
She looks awful.
"...and a Windsor Fashions gown the slutty girl in your high school (aka you) wore to prom in the mid-90s,..."
SO TRUE! Mine was red
And since when do TV movies get red carpet premieres, much less a premiere at all?
I cannot in my life ever recall a TV movie ever getting one before, ever.
lifetime premier? ha ha the jokes on her.
this ho is now looking like emma stone. maybe jim carrey will fapp over her too.
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♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
FUCK! I knew I recognized that dress. She stole Sissy Spacek's "Carrie" dress, cut some holes down the middle, added some dangling rubies and, VIOLA!
"Red carpet?" Doesn't that mean that the other stars of the movie AND stars invited to the "premiere" should also be there? Uh-huh.
The Beverly Hills Hotel is no longer what it was - it's a place where 65-year-old rich men smoking cigars hang out with their plasticized blond tricks. Not exactly the Kodak, Nokia or the old theatres in Westwood, all the places where REAL movie premieres are held in LA.
Lohan is just so ropey looking. That dress! Her boobs are all over the place and that fuckin hem! She looks like a Project Runway reject. The only reason this bitch gets work is for the tabloid factor. Take that away and what have you got? A big shapeless giant freckle wandering around in a satin rag pulled from Jenna Jameson's donation bag to Goodwill.
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"You wait. They gonna get everybody on twitter, facebook, doing everythin' online and then they gonna pull the PLUG and we all gonna be FUCKED!"
What is going on with her face?
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"I think my butt looks too big in these jeans."
"Red Carpet" should be dialed down for Low-han's character. Busted Bath Mat or Old Dog Towel is more like it.
"I've never been drunk on set....just really buzzed....and high on smack or coke or meth, but never drunk."
I see she's toned down the self tanner, good for her, but she really needs to choose the right colors for her skin tone. Silver (or is there gold mixed in there too?) doesn't seem to be doing her any favors. The dress is also horribly fitted.
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What would Jesus do for a Klondike Bar?