How To Turn Your Love Of Stalking Into A Real Estate Fortune By Taylor Swift

November 21, 2012 / Posted by:

Even though Taylor Swift has taken down every picture of Conor Kennedy from the stalker wall in her bedroom, she still closed on a $4.8 million house near the Kennedy Compound on Cape Cod, because she never knows when she’ll be in the mood to stalk his ass again. Now that Taylor “Alex Forrest” Swift has moved on to her next teenage victim, the mop-headed twink from One Direction, she’s looking to set up a stalking headquarters near his house in London.

Hollywood Life says that Taylor is looking for houses in North London, the same neighborhood her current piece Harry Styles lives in. Taylor “David McCall” Swift wrote Harry’s initials in her cappuccino foam last March when they dated for a quick minute, but they broke up because they were never together. A source says Taylor thinks that maybe this time their love will bloom if she moves near his ass.

“She’s been interested in buying a house in the UK for a while. But after months of not really mentioning it, Taylor’s suddenly instructed an estate [agent] to get on it ASAP! She’s even asked Harry if he’ll come and look at some places with her, since he knows the area.

Taylor says the reason things fizzled out last time was because they had no time together. I’m sure their recent contact is behind her sudden enthusiasm to buy in London. She says they’ll be able to pick up where they left off. I’m not sure how Harry will cope if Taylor does move in down the road. He always talks big with girls he likes, promising the earth, but in reality I think Harry likes being single.”

Does Maggie Gyllenhaal’s long-lost twin sister, Harry Styles, even know that he’s dating Taylor of the Sunnybrook Mental Hospital? Have they even met? Taylor was probably watching a One Direction video one day and felt that Harry was giving her the eyes through her TV screen. Now she tells everyone that he’s her boyfriend and she’s going to stalk him so hard until he has no choice but to seek government assistance and enter the Taylor Swift Protection Program. Whatever, by then Taylor will have a new victim and her London house will be worth twice as much as she paid.

Bitch might be crazy, but she’s also a real estate mogul genius.

Here’s Taylor in Japan today.

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