Coming Soon (Maybe): Emma Stone’s Sex Tape

Emma Stone has always been a non-sexual being to me, like a Care Bear or Gary Busey, and I would’ve guessed that her idea of a hot night with her piece is playing Mad Libs while eating rainbow popcorn, but I’m wrong. Apparently, Emma Stone does bump wet parts with dudes and she once bumped wet parts with a dude while a camera was aimed at them. That’s what Radar says anyway.

Before Easy A and Superbad, 24-year-old Emma did sex with a dude on camera and he’s still got the tape in his hands. Some source says that he hasn’t tried to sell the tape to the highest bidder yet, but the more famous she gets, the more money the tape is worth. The source went on to say this shit: “She made it long before she started dating Andrew Garfield, and before she really became a household name. She was just young and probably thought nothing would ever come of it.”

Superbad came out in 2007 when Emma was 19, so dude could have a piece of child porn in his hands. If that’s the case, Sesame Workshop would like to talk to his ass about buying it, because they can pair it with their new movie Elmo Pops In.

I was about to say that I’d only watch an Emma Stone sex tape if Andrew Garfield’s ass is in it, but then I looked at a current day picture of him and I changed my mind. That sex tape would look like a skinny Wolverine wrestling with a laughing ghost. You know, when I put it that way, it actually sounds kind of hot.