Elmo Loses His Voice As Another Accuser Drops From The Sky (UPDATE)

November 20, 2012 / Posted by:

I don’t like that it took two accusations of illegal boy boning, but I am glad that Elmo can’t let out another nerve-killing, soul-butchering annoying cackle for now. Elmo is temporarily mute today, because his voice box has quit this bitch and is done fisting Muppets. After 28 years of being the voice of Elmo, Kevin Clash is no longer the voice of Elmo. Sesame Street released this statement to everyone today:

Sesame Workshop’s mission is to harness the educational power of media to help all children the world over reach their highest potential. Kevin Clash has helped us achieve that mission for 28 years, and none of us, especially Kevin, want anything to divert our attention from our focus on serving as a leading educational organization. Unfortunately, the controversy surrounding Kevin’s personal life has become a distraction that none of us want, and he has concluded that he can no longer be effective in his job and has resigned from Sesame Street. This is a sad day for Sesame Street.

Usually, when a dude resigns from his job while in the middle of a sexo escandalo, it means that more accusers are about to come forward and another one has. 30-something Cecil Singleton, the one on the right serving up some subway-style El Debarge-ness, has gone to TMZ and showed them on the Elmo doll where Elmo tickled him when he was 15. Cecil now joins Sheldon Stephens in The Elmo’s Underage Pieces Club.

Sheldon allegedly got around $125,000 to go away, but Cecil wants around $5 million. Cecil is suing Kevin Clash for $5 million, because he says he “did not become aware that he had suffered adverse psychological and emotional effects from Kevin Clash’s sexual acts and conduct until 2012.”

In Cecil’s lawsuit, he says that he met Kevin Clash on a gay phone chat line in 1993. Cecil was 15 at the time and Kevin was 32. The two met in person and Cecil says Kevin tried to gain his trust by taking him to fancy dinners and giving him money. Cecil says that he wasn’t the only one and Kevin regularly had sex with teenage boys he met on the chat line.

This mess was already a come-to-life nightmare and now it’s an even bigger come-to-life nightmare, and a lot has to do with 900 numbers from the 90s being brought up. I completely blocked out the tragic memory of lying to my mom when she asked my why there was $30 worth of 1-900 charges on her phone bill. To think, I could’ve told her that I was just having a G-rated conversation with Elmo. UGH!

I’m sure the next accuser is going to show all of us a face-less, shirtless picture that Elmo e-mailed him after meeting in an AOL chat room. I hate Elmo even more now. Put that sucio bitch in prison and make Grover the star of Sesame Street for once and for all.

UPDATE: Cecil Singleton’s lawyer apparently made a typo on the documents. Cecil says he’s currently 24 years old and not in his 30s. The alleged abuse happened in 2003, not 1993. Wait, so gay phone chat lines existed in 2003?!

(Picture of Cecil Singleton via MySpace, and no, I am not going to comment on his dewey peach hair color)

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