Rihanna's 777 Tour Turned Into A Hilarious Nightmare
Five days ago, 250 fans and media people got on a Boeing 777 for a 7-day journey to see the wailing 7-head perform 7 shows in 7 cities and now they're all 7 seconds away from completely losing their minds 7 different ways.
It all started in Los Angeles last Wednesday and they all thought it was going to be a non-stop party, because a few minutes into the flight from L.A. to Mexico City, RiRi came through the aisles with free bottles of champagne. RiRi posed for pictures, poured them the carbonated sweet nectar and promised they were going to party their dicks off. From Mexico City they flew to Toronto and then Stockholm, and by the time they left Sweden for Paris, they were all pretty much over it. They're permanently jet-lagged, they never see RiRi and she starts her shows almost 2 hours late every night. Julianne Smolinski at Popdust put it like this:
For those of you who don’t understand why being on a plane with Rihanna for five days might not be so bad:
1) Okay, you have a point. We’re very lucky to be here and to have jobs to do. Just being employed and invited to hear music and eat free sandwiches for a week is a privilege, and I think most of the fans and journalists aboard felt that way for the first part of the trip.
2) That being said … Picture the last time you were delayed at an airport for several hours. Now picture that happening several times in one day, with no ability to make calls, text, or use the internet. Sometimes you aren’t sure of the next time you’ll be able to use a bathroom, get water, or eat. Now picture that happening for five days in a row, all while you’re supposed to be doing your job remotely. Now picture that, with a steady soundtrack of European house music.
3) Also picture that Rihanna is supposed to be on your plane, and she is barely present until she shows up on stage, hours late.
In other words: BITCHES ARE GOING CRAZY!
I bet that plane smells like armpit butter, old meat, curdled milk, dirty tampons, whiskey-infused barf and seven kinds of dick cheese. So basically it smells like RiRi's perfume and the stankness is making them all mad. In the video above, an Australian shock jock runs naked as they all chant while flying from Berlin to London. Fuse's Jason Newman said they were all declaring mutiny against RiRi.
They still have to get through RiRi's show in London tonight and then they fly to their last city NYC tomorrow morning. I'm thinking that somewhere between London and NYC, a few journalists will be eaten and then they'll take RiRi hostage and threaten to smoke all her weed unless they land the plane in the nearest city with a working shower and WiFi.
Or their plane will have to make an emergency crash landing on a deserted island and they'll be stuck with RiRi forever!
If you need more laughs from this nightmare of a sky trip, spend some time with #rihannaplane on Twitter. It's a mess. And here's RiRi at her show in Berlin, at the airport in Germany and in London this morning.
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She is talentless & ugly! Go back to the Bahama's & prostitution!
MK, there's more than one kind of dick cheese?!?! SAY WHAT? ha ha ha ha
I'd have skipped all the shows and toured the cities instead, lmao. ;p
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Talentless cunt.
Ive read on another site in UK that RiRi has already racked up 300k of late fees making her private jet wait due to being tardy , way behind schedule and at a private airstrip that thing is like a NYC taxi,honey , the meter is RUNNING.
Im willing to bet that her ghetto foolery of mgmt. that put this mess together didnt even know that the planet has different time zones and this "777" tour would be a logistical nightmare to do with all systems go and everyone operating at precise timetable (which they arent).
I can hear it now..
"You mean, its 5 hours ahead in London? Oh Word?"
WTF is it with these dimestore divas making fans wait , always turning up late? Madge had several dates this summer where the show would start up to 2 hrs late. In a stadium. Where movement is limited and there is nothing to do other than spend on overpriced beers & souvenirs. Very disrespectful to the fans.
90% of show business is that. SHOWING UP. ON TIME.
Seeing RiRi for the FOURTH time on SNL (too bad there arent any other people performing today I guess) and for a 24 yr old she looked Merle of HAGGARD, piss poor ghetto styling, sloppy, stoned , rode hard put up wet and OVER IT.
last years appearance for "Where Have You Been ?" had her in Doc Maartens boots and some dress off the rack at Target while her dancers had an "Knights of Arabia" theme going.. DUMB..
Inside dish: a friend did her makeup for a music video and RiRi blew blunt smoke in her face the entire time & with a full catered spread with asushi chef , she sent out her people for ... Burger King! GHETTO.
Its not plastic surgery , its a medical condition!!
Submitted by richardsimmons on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 9:33pm.
Oooooh this article makes it sound like hell on earth! No bathrooms! No water!
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Not a single luxury, like Robinson Caruso, it's primative as can be...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Oooooh this article makes it sound like hell on earth! No bathrooms! No water!
http://gawker.com/5961959/rihanna-is-keeping-us-from-sleeping-or-eating-...
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Formerly known as kokoskitten
Submitted by KA on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 7:09pm.
am i supposed to feel bad for these fucking idiots? because i dont. at all. im not sure how fabulous they thought this shit would be. it sounds like pure torture to me. reads like she got on the plane, poured some champagne for people, took pictures and then took off, probably to her own private jet. she makes me want to fucking vomit.
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EGGS-ZACK-LEE! Did they really think she was gonna hang with they asses 24/7???? AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Dumbasses. I'm no fan of hers AT ALL. I can't even think of a song of hers I've ever even heard except for that Umbrella..ella..ella song and meh on that but I can't feel sorry for these whiney assed bitches thinking they were gonna treated to the high life and whining about they WiFi and shit. BITCHES, ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Oh, I can't do my job w/o immediate access to the internet even though I knew I'd be flying constantly...REALLY???? Just die. Just fuckin' die.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Another talentless drugged up Famewhore with no talent who sucked and fucked her way to success, I hope the plane crashes.
SkankAir. Come fly the skanky skies.
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Submitted by loopygorilla on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 7:53pm.
Submitted by joe shmoe on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 7:21pm.
I've heard Aussies can be a little wild.
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most yes, and are piss pots too. :) but its a national tradition, whenever i go overseas and tell people im from australia, they serve alcohol to be in a jug. and say "you australian, drink drink"
sigh.. we have a bad rep
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*Totally* undeserved! ;)
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Submitted by joe shmoe on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 7:21pm.
I've heard Aussies can be a little wild.
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most yes, and are piss pots too. :) but its a national tradition, whenever i go overseas and tell people im from australia, they serve alcohol to be in a jug. and say "you australian, drink drink"
sigh.. we have a bad rep.
Submitted by D-vine Lister on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 7:44pm.
its cuz rihanna sucked jay-z's dick and fucked him. thats how you get a recording contract, talent is only 10%, fucking the right people is 90%.
I was in Maui, HI this past week, and I heard about 5 different female singers on their station (92.5 Native) that sound a bit like Rhianna only they sang 10x better but had her singing style and the songs were amazing. (Kalisi is one of the artists) I dont understand why these beautiful Island singers are not more famous hitting the top 10. Instead I have to come home to our whack radio stations in Denver and hear so much whackness day in day out. I dont get it. What im tryna say is Rhi is overrated, overexposed, and truly talentless. Its sad that SHE is a pop icon instead of beautiful more deserving artist that are humble and have a message to their music instead of sex drugs and rock and roll.. I guess Satan really DOES run the music industry o_O
*ends rant, cleans up desk, goes home to smoke a blunt and listen to www.native925.com N-N-N-N-NATIVE!!!
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 5:22pm.
Submitted by Aphid on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 5:16pm.
The blue outfit looks like Morris Day's pajamas circa 1984
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maybe she is doing a cover of "The Bird" on her new CD?
NO NEED TO COVER THE "BIRD" THAT BITCH IS A BIRD!! LOLOLOL Ole water head ass bitch hahaha
Submitted by ba-buttons on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 4:46pm.
Two hours late for every show? Who this bitch think she is? Lauryn Hill?
*ba-buttons slaps self for giving Lauryn Hill backhanded props*
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At least L-Boogie can SANG! Rhi-tard is a talentless, used up, overrated slut bucket.. Lauryn and Nas came to The Filmore on friday here in Colorado, and as "crazy" as people claim she is, she put on one hell of a show! She has a voice like no other <3
I really respect her for the fact that she (L-Boog) doesn't have to dress like a whore, and dance through the whole show to prove she has talent.. her voice speaks for itself. Rhi on the other hand NEEDS the gimmicks of costumes, and acting like a complete slut because her voice is weak and she cant sing live to save her life. So in my opinion L-Boogie can be as late as she wants cause any fan of hers knows she will PUT IT DOWN when she enters the stage! You couldnt PAY ME to sit through a rhianna song let alone go to a concert.. bleck!!!
I've heard Aussies can be a little wild.
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am i supposed to feel bad for these fucking idiots? because i dont. at all. im not sure how fabulous they thought this shit would be. it sounds like pure torture to me. reads like she got on the plane, poured some champagne for people, took pictures and then took off, probably to her own private jet. she makes me want to fucking vomit.
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"It's called a party bus! Not a punch-a-titty bus. And put your MetroCard away, Chris Brown, no such bus exists." MK
Maybe my reading comprehension is down, but was RiRi on the plain? Was she hiding somewhere?
Heated processed cheese & fear is how the journalist described that putrid plane smelling towards the end of the tour.
I wouldn't go anywhere near this dumb Illuminati puppet whore willingly .
Unless there was free weed(the good stuff) for everyone , the whole thing sounds lame.
PSL haha! She could never hold a candle to Morris. She's gross.
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That's a very expensive chardonnay you're not drinking...
@ hekki and louise--
the mtv reporter on the tour has a blog, it's pretty funny and names some of the names of the rihanna staff people involved in this mess
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
When pop culture icons collide... I read MK and Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) every damn day!
Rhianna is over exposed and burned out. She's a 25 year old woman acting like a rebellious teenager. No thank you.
Foxxy: Okay, that's true. I didn't think of that.
But how are journalists gonna cover this shitshow if they can't text or make calls or use the internet? Are they getting to shower? Who is PAYING for this?
Sounds like Rihanna's label, or whoever dreamed up this stunt, didn't think it through very carefully. Even if the Marketing was all "Hey, let's do a party bus with Rihanna! But we'll make it a plane!" didn't they have Legal check it out? It sounds like they're going to be fielding lawsuits and shit soon.
These journalists are complaining about having no story, but I think this fucked up Rihanna plane IS the story. Sounds like a typical rock n roll lifestyle to me.
They're probably pissed because they thought they'd each get some private Barbara Walters moment with her. Fuck no. Instead pray that you don't get strep throat in Ibiza!
Quelle surprise!!!
Yeah, there's no way I'd get on the plane with that mess, much less pay for a ticket for this entitled trick to show up 2 hours late. Nope.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 5:37pm.
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 5:35pm.
*passes louise the amyl was using to overcome my shock and horror at this completely surprising development because we all know how nice rihanna is to journalists
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
Submitted by Foxxy Brown on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 5:35pm.
It sounds like everything about this was poorly planned and executed.
Submitted by louise_brooks on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 5:28pm.
People are really surprised that being stuck in an airplane for 7 days with Rihanna sucks?
louise, i think they are complaining about the opposite -- they have not had enough personal access to her to finish their jobs... they are not getting candid photos, no interviews or even sound bites on the plane, nada
ETA: and now the tour is ending and some of them are about to go home without their work completed
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
So they were paid to follow Rihanna on 7 tour stops? Why was that lady saying it was her job?
I love everything she did before Umbrella. Since then, it is so auto tuned, electronically enhanced crap.
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You don't kiss when you kiss. You don't fuck when you fuck. You don't say what you mean. You don't talk loud enough.
-Fiona Apple
Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 5:26pm.
Also. Is anyone forcing them to stay with it? Are they contractually obligated? If it really sucks, GO HOME.
obviously the media people were sent by their jobs or have to compete their stories/photo shoots to get paid by their contracting employer. and how many of those contest winner fans do you think can afford to pay to get themselves and whoever is with them home from Europe at the drop of a hat?
"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12
I don't hate Rihanna. I think she's dumb, slutty, insecure, and immature, but I'd still party with her for ONE night. I agree with whomever said she needs to take a break. She's only been around for a few years and already has released more albums than Beyonce. It's too much. She needs to step out of the public eye for a while.
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Douchechill!
Submitted by MissJaneTexas on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 5:28pm.
I actually like Rhianna's music. Fun to dance to, good work out playlist. Her antics ruin it for me though- she is beyond annoying. And anyone who thought they would actually be best buddies with Rhi Rhi and this trip would be fun is an idiot.
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Agreed. I have some RiRi songs on my gym playlist. Too bad she's such a douche along with everyone she associates with.
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Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.
"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."
I actually like Rhianna's music. Fun to dance to, good work out playlist. Her antics ruin it for me though- she is beyond annoying. And anyone who thought they would actually be best buddies with Rhi Rhi and this trip would be fun is an idiot.
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Your Chick-Fil-A is showing. - ISprainedMyUvula 8/3/2012
People are really surprised that being stuck in an airplane for 7 days with Rihanna sucks?
Also. Is anyone forcing them to stay with it? Are they contractually obligated? If it really sucks, GO HOME.
As johnnysgirl said, it sounds like the ninth circle of hell, so I wouldn't have gotten on that motherfucker in the first place. But are they hostages?
Submitted by Aphid on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 5:16pm.
The blue outfit looks like Morris Day's pajamas circa 1984
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maybe she is doing a cover of "The Bird" on her new CD?
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You don't kiss when you kiss. You don't fuck when you fuck. You don't say what you mean. You don't talk loud enough.
-Fiona Apple
Anno, it all makes sense now....
Is there a rapper alive who has NOT fucked Rihanna? Please report to the Guinness World Records - they are compiling achievements for the 2014 Book of Records and they want to hear from you.
Ugh, Rihanna is such a grody douche.
I fucking HATE flying, crowds, loud/annoying/drunk people, and Rihanna, so this whole thing sounds like the Ninth Circle of Hell to me.
Smelly knobgobbling untalented Twunt. AND these were the nicest words about her in a list of 500 I could find.
At least they haven't had to spend much time with Rihanna at all. But I would've still gone all Lord of the Flies on these crazy fucks by now.
The blue outfit looks like Morris Day's pajamas circa 1984
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That's a very expensive chardonnay you're not drinking...
What the fuck kind of privilege is eating sandwiches on a stuffed fucking sweaty ass plane, surrounded by a bunch of assholes, having to listen to that nauseating bitches music for days on in? That sounds more like fucking torture for a heinous crime.
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"And it don't matter who you are, if I'm doin my job, its your resolve that breaks..Cause the hook brings you back, I ain't tellin you no lie. The hook brings you back, on that you can rely."
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Mon, 11/19/2012 - 5:11pm.
Take your complaints to Jay-Z. I'll join you.
Talentless whore. She is one of the few that really truly annoy me and it would take less than an hour on a plane with her for me to beat her fucking ass. Whoever made her happen deserves to have his toenails pulled one by one.