Every now and again, ageless flower Jennifer Tilly has to remind everyone that Christina Hendricks isn’t the only demure beauty in Hollywood who can suffocate and push up her titty globes so that it looks like she’s smuggling Right Said Fred in her dress. At The Dream Foundation Gala in Santa Barbara, CA on Friday night, Jennifer put her glorious butt cheek chichis on display. Yes, I get seriously hypnotized by a pair of magnificent chichis, but I’m gay, so my eyes still wandered down to her shoes and Jennifer’s shoes are a new kind of fugly.
One of my friends from junior high school invited me over to his grandma’s house after school one day and the first thing she said to me when I walked through her front door was, “Don’t go in my ‘nice’ living room.” I didn’t go in, but I looked in. Grandma watched Anna Karenina way too many times, because her nice living room looked like a low-budget Trading Spaces room inspired by baroque-era Russia. I have never seen so much gold spray paint and so many plastic roses in my life and that’s saying a lot, because I’ve been inside of many Catholic churches in East L.A. Grandma’s room put the BA-ROKE in baroque. Jennifer Tilly’s feet look like grandma’s fancy living room barfed on them.
Even though Jennifer Tilly’s shoes look two baroque dingles, I can’t hate on them fully. Because I’m sure that every time Jennifer took a step in those hideous heels, her chichis bounced slightly and it looked like two clouds blowing in the wind. Those heels are ugly, but they still served the greater good.
Here’s more of Tilly titty’s at the Dream Foundation Gala. Katy Perry and the Plastic Vampiress of Graceland were also there.