Excuse Jordan Catalano’s Beauty

It’s times like this when I wish that a GIF of Rickie Vasquez giving a down-trodden trick the up and down look existed on the Internet. Because if this stumbled into the girls room at Liberty High School, Rickie would pull out an eyeliner pencil and help a dreadful-looking bitch out.

Here’s Jared Leto serving up some Zombie Adrienne Barbeau realness on the New Orleans set of The Dallas Buyers Club. The Craft Service Table on that set has nothing but a bowl of air and a few strips of Anne Hathaway’s dried oatmeal jerky on it, because Matthew McConaughey isn’t the only one who temporarily broke up with carbs to shrink his body down to the size of a Marc Anthony. Jared also dropped around 10 pounds to play a cross dressing dude with HIV who helps Matthew’s character out.

To answer the question that your brain just pooped out: yes, I’d hit it. And I think I just admitted that I’d also let Kristen Stewart stick the tip of her strap-on in, because she and a dragged up Jared Leto could be sisters.