Ashley Kaufmann IS A Lohan

November 15, 2012 / Posted by:

Four years ago, Kristi Horn told InTouch Weekly that human turd Michael Lohan raw dog dicked a baby into her and on tonight’s episode of The Trish Goddard Show, her 17-year-old daughter Ashley Kaufmann learns the awful truth. She’s half Lohan. I don’t know what’s worse: the fact that another poor child has to write Michael Lohan’s name down next to “father” on government forms or the fact that Maury Povich wasn’t the one who gave the tragic news. If Maury doesn’t tell you that you ARE the father, are you really the father? Some shit to ponder.

TMZ posted the moment where Ashley finds out that her biological father is a piece of trash who looks like a shit log coming out of a turtle’s ass. Right after the news is announced, Kristi Horn does what she did ten seconds after she let Michael Lohan do her bareback style: she weeped! Michael tries to give Ashley a fake hug, which makes her scream “NO! NO! NO!” before giving in.

Ashley is Michael’s fifth kid and he’s got a sixth one on the way.

Poor girl. She isn’t going to get one cent from Michael Lohan and her mother just had to tell the world that she’s a Lohan.

I think I’d rather have permanent hemorrhoids than have Michael Lohan as a father, because at least hemorrhoids won’t call you up in the middle of the night and beg you for rent money.

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