Why Hello There, Kristen Stewart’s Ass Cheeks

November 13, 2012 / Posted by:

That picture might look familiar to you, because it’s exactly what you see every Christmas when your nana drinks too much spiked cider, goes wild, jumps on the coffee table and lifts up her lace slip to freak dance to “Holly Jolly Christmas.”

For her very last Twilight premiere, Kristen Stewart gave the Twihards the gift of her butt cakes by wearing granny panties and a see-through dress. Kristen Stewart is supposedly a miserable spotlight hater who would rather take a shower than get her picture taken, so wearing a dress that makes everyone look at her nalgas and crotch area was a good move! Nothing says “DON’T LOOK AT ME, I HATE ATTENTION” like wearing a see-through dress, right? But sarcasm aside, this is the hottest KStew has looked in a long time. She looks like an Appalachian Rita Hayworth. I bet that when the designer asked for his dress back at the end of the night, KStew burped up a nacho crumb and said, “Ah smoked it!”

Oh yeah, Robert Pattinson was also there in a green Christmas suit, but who cares about him. The bigger story here is that the last ever Twatlight premiere happened in Los Angeles and the Twihards didn’t go crazy. Did the LAPD shoot them all with tranquilizer darts beforehand? Some of these crazy bitches camped out for almost a week to see RPattz’s face close up and so they should be losing their minds. Los Angeles should be under an ocean of panty pudding, tears and blood from the Twihards slitting their wrists since they have no reason to go on anymore! Oh, Twihards, I thought I knew you. I thought I knew you.

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