Elmo Is Off The Hook

November 13, 2012 / Posted by:

The 23-year-old dude who said that he had illegal sex with Kevin Clash, the voice of Elmo, when he was only 16 has taken everything back and is like, “Just kidding!” Just a day after TMZ said that Kevin Clash temporarily moved out of Sesame Street and is taking a leave of absence to deal with this foolery, the accuser’s lawyer issued a statement to The Los Angeles Times and wants everybody to wipe away the images of Elmo laughing something extra while getting tickled by underaged boys.

“He wants it to be known that his sexual relationship with Mr. Clash was an adult consensual relationship. He will have no further comment on the matter.”

Kevin said from the beginning that he wet humped on his accuser, but his accuser was legal at the time and it was completely consensual. Kevin released his own statement and said that he’s glad it’s all over. No word on when he will get to stick his hand up Elmo again.

Before you start thinking that the accuser got a little visit from the Sesame Street Mafia (Snuffleupagus, Count Von Count, Rosita and Telly Monster), TMZ is hearing that he might’ve been paid off. TMZ’s sources (aka those Elmo-hating hillbilly Muppets at Fraggle Rock) say that the accuser’s lawyer and Kevin’s lawyer met today to talk about money. Apparently, Kevin Clash put a 6-figure settlement on the table.

Isn’t it funny how you magically get your memory back after sniffing a bunch of cash stuffed into a Big Bird suitcase? The scent of cash really is truth perfume (or lie perfume, depending on the situation). And I bet Oscar the Grouch is happy. Elmo’s gay sex scandal has taken the attention away from the dick hole he’s got in the back of his trash can. Yeah, so that’s why Big Bird is always standing behind Oscar’s trash can.

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