We Get It, Anne Hathaway, We Get It

In case you didn’t hear it the other five thousand hundred million times Anne Hathaway said it, she channeled her inner Victoria Beckham and starved herself to play a dying hooker in the Les Miserables movie. Anne didn’t get Matthew McConaughey skinny, but she did lose 25 pounds in just a few weeks and she did it by basically eating the nastiest granola bars in the world.

Anne is on the December cover of Vogue looking like a drunk Liza Minnelli and in the interview she talks about how she knew she had the role of Fantine ten seconds after her audition. Anne also said that she didn’t use food as her fuel during filming, she used DRAMA! Before shooting the scenes as “healthier” Fantine, Anne lost ten pounds by going on a cleanse. Then after they shot those scenes, she took two weeks off and pretty much starved herself by only eating two thin squares of dried oatmeal paste a day. Anne wanted to look as close to death as possible.

On starving herself for her ART!: “I had to be obsessive about it—the idea was to look near death. Looking back on the whole experience—and I don’t judge it in any way—it was definitely a little nuts. It was definitely a break with reality, but I think that’s who Fantine is anyway.”

On how she knew she put her competition to bed with her audition: “I knew that someone was going to have to go in there and do something pretty special to unseat me. Sometimes you leave a room and you feel like maybe you’ve left the door open a crack. This time, I knew that I had slammed it shut behind me.”

If your cat gorged on microwave oatmeal in the morning and then immediately yacked it up, you’d find a puddle of dried oatmeal paste on the kitchen floor after you came home from work. That’s what Anne Hathaway ate for two weeks! How the hell did she do that? Did they put her in a forced coma? Did they lock her in a room with no phone or internet access so she couldn’t order delicious things on Seamless Web? Oscar fever is a serious disease, because it makes you do crazy shit like eat disgusting oatmeal jerky.

I bet they had to shoot Anne’s “I Dreamed A Dream” scene at least a dozen times, because she kept singing, “I dreamed a pie!“

Can they just give Anne her Oscar right now and get it out of the way? Gwyneth Paltrow got an Oscar for being herself, so Anne definitely deserves one for eating dried horse saliva.

And what is Anne doing in those pictures below? What is going on in that field? Anne looks like me after I take several bong hits and then twirl around my living room singing, “The hiiiiiiiillls are alive.” It’s not cute when I do it and it’s definitely not cute when Anne does it.