Today’s Look Of Understated Elegance Brought To You By Heidi Klum

November 12, 2012 / Posted by:

This is the kind of classic look we should all expect from a woman who is supposedly an authority on high fashion and who gets paid actual money to judge fashion deeeeeeeezines. If Ed Hardy started its own country, this is what Miss Ed Hardy would wear to the Miss Universe pageant. You can find a sophisticated gown like this at any low-range stripper store on Industrial Road in Las Vegas, but Heidi Klum got hers from the House of Versace. Donatella Versace really does have a special gift for making ladies look the “house girl” of an illegal Russian casino. If the front of your gown doesn’t tie up like a pair of sneakers, you’re doing elegance wrong.

Heidi Klum hosted the MTV EMAs in Frankfurt, Germany last night and put all the hos to shame when she stepped out on the red carpet wearing a gown that looked like what you’d get if one of Elvis’ jumpsuits had sex reassignment surgery. Perfection personified. Surprisingly, the EMAs didn’t happen just so Heidi could wear this dress, they also handed out some awards to these bitches. via The Daily Mail:

Best Song – Carly Rae Jepsen – Call Me Maybe
Best New Act – One Direction
Best Female Act – Taylor Swift
Best Male Act – Justin Bieber
Best Pop Act – Justin Bieber
Best Live Act – Taylor Swift
Best Hip Hop – Nicki Minaj
Best Rock Act – Linkin Park
Best Electronic Act – David Guetta
Best Alternative Act – Lana Del Rey
Best Video – Gangnam Style (Psy)
Best Look – Taylor Swift
Biggest Fans – One Direction
Best Worldwide Act – Han Geng
Best World Stage – Justin Bieber
Best Push – Carly Rae Jepsen
Global Icon – Whitney Houston

I’m sure that’s exactly what the Grammys’ winners list will look like next year.

And here’s some tricks and tramps who were lucky enough to get doused with the elegance Heidi Klum served up: Kim Kartrashian (looking like trash barfing up trash), Alicia Keys, Jedward with The Hoff, Rita Ora, Taylor Swift, Blahna Del Meh and Carly Rae Jepsen.

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