Monday, November 12th 2012

Today's Look Of Understated Elegance Brought To You By Heidi Klum

This is the kind of classic look we should all expect from a woman who is supposedly an authority on high fashion and who gets paid actual money to judge fashion deeeeeeeezines. If Ed Hardy started its own country, this is what Miss Ed Hardy would wear to the Miss Universe pageant. You can find a sophisticated gown like this at any low-range stripper store on Industrial Road in Las Vegas, but Heidi Klum got hers from the House of Versace. Donatella Versace really does have a special gift for making ladies look the "house girl" of an illegal Russian casino. If the front of your gown doesn't tie up like a pair of sneakers, you're doing elegance wrong.

Heidi Klum hosted the MTV EMAs in Frankfurt, Germany last night and put all the hos to shame when she stepped out on the red carpet wearing a gown that looked like what you'd get if one of Elvis' jumpsuits had sex reassignment surgery. Perfection personified. Surprisingly, the EMAs didn't happen just so Heidi could wear this dress, they also handed out some awards to these bitches. via The Daily Mail:

Best Song - Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe
Best New Act - One Direction
Best Female Act - Taylor Swift
Best Male Act - Justin Bieber
Best Pop Act - Justin Bieber
Best Live Act - Taylor Swift
Best Hip Hop - Nicki Minaj
Best Rock Act - Linkin Park
Best Electronic Act - David Guetta
Best Alternative Act - Lana Del Rey
Best Video - Gangnam Style (Psy)
Best Look - Taylor Swift
Biggest Fans - One Direction
Best Worldwide Act - Han Geng
Best World Stage - Justin Bieber
Best Push - Carly Rae Jepsen
Global Icon - Whitney Houston

I'm sure that's exactly what the Grammys' winners list will look like next year.

And here's some tricks and tramps who were lucky enough to get doused with the elegance Heidi Klum served up: Kim Kartrashian (looking like trash barfing up trash), Alicia Keys, Jedward with The Hoff, Rita Ora, Taylor Swift, Blahna Del Meh and Carly Rae Jepsen.

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Domina X's picture

Lana Del Rey looks gorgeous with dark hair! I can see her with blue-black hair color like Dita Von Teese and red lips & manicure. Perfection. She also has beautiful hands(& of course a beautiful voice). Go Lana.

Daniee's picture

Gross and tacky from head to toe. Youd think working in fashion for as long as she has, she would have some ideas on how to dress herself. I have never liked her body that much for a model really, she is pretty straight with no hips whatsoever, but I get why people are into her.

What has that Blanneh chick done to herself....tragic!

bonghits4jesus's picture

grr i don't like taylor swift but i want her dress.

_fail_'s picture

Ah, so the "M" stands for "Mediocrity", right? Jeebus, what a freaking list of losers.

WithinReason...'s picture

Night Deb! ;)

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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Zorba-the-Geek's picture

I don't blame Heidi. When she was with that jealous control freak Seal she was pregnant ALL the time. She's just trying to make up for lost ho-ing opportunities.

Edited to add: Alicia Keys has fat arms. Her face strikes you as belonging to a very slender woman, but she ain't.

Deb's picture

Within, I'm as good as I can be! All the best to you, too! Gotta go up and watch some MNF.
Night!

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

WithinReason...'s picture

Deb, I forgot she's been photographed topless at the beach, LOL For a model, I find this sedate compared to that actress with the skirt hiked up her ass, remember that? There's no end... I agree the construction of the dress is bizarre. Too bad Donatella can't do something more exciting with the brand.

Hope you're well Deb!

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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Deb's picture

Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 10:43pm.

Submitted by Deb on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 10:29pm.
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Maybe it's to do with to do with her recent life changes and wanting to try something new. It's a bit slutty but look at what stars wear nowadays, see through dresses?! She's fine. And Ludacris certainly liked her, didn't he? lol
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Hey Within! I don't know about that. Here's a woman who made her nut walking around in underwear, for crissakes! lol! I like the elements of the dress, just not how they were assembled.

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

WithinReason...'s picture

Submitted by Deb on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 10:29pm.
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Maybe it's to do with to do with her recent life changes and wanting to try something new. It's a bit slutty but look at what stars wear nowadays, see through dresses?! She's fine. And Ludacris certainly liked her, didn't he? lol

I agree, Donatella, is a pale comparison of her brother.

Hiya Deb!

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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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The music biz seems to be like the motion picture biz. All the great singers and actors are in the past. Now all we have is egocentric mediocrity.

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squirrels to the nuts!

Deb's picture

P.S. Yes, Heidi has a great body, but that dress belongs on a slutty circus performer. And the boots? Forget about it.
I wonder what Donatella would be doing if her talented brother who built the Versace name hadn't been murdered.
I doubt designing haute couture.

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

IMO Heidi's figure is so so at best. Saggy tits, no waist. As to her face, she is really wrinkled for her age.
Plus she seems like a real bitch, so I don't mind criticizing her. If she was a sweetheart, I wouldn't say a word.
And, Elvis had far better taste than to wear something trashy like this.

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squirrels to the nuts!

Deb's picture

Submitted by Poopele on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 8:08pm.

Jesus Christ the state of music has fallen of some hard times. What a list of garbage that is.
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Could not agree more.

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

I don't usually comment on what people wear, I look, form a lasting opinion and move on. But Alicia Keys got it right dammit. Good girl. She usually looks like she wants to throw her middle finger up to the fashion industry, but good gawd, well done.

Heidi looks like the attention whore she is.

Anonymouse73's picture

The Hoff and Jedwad: way too much douche for one photo. Cannot compute.

I'm not gonna lie...I sort of like Heidi's dress, or at least I did until I saw the side view. Her body is amazing, though, and she could probably wear a paperbag and work it.

Poopele's picture

Jesus Christ the state of music has fallen of some hard times. What a list of garbage that is.

Submitted by TANGELINE on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 6:01pm.
I find Heidi Klum plain and she has an annoying voice.

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I totally agree. The body is hot but her face is really so-so to me.

Kuntrashian looks ridiculous. I hope she gains another 40 pounds and gets into Simpson territory where people only talk about how fat she is.

Mani6's picture

Heidi looks great as The Leg and I think Taylor Swift looks sexy.

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babybunny's picture

Kim Whoretrashian's outfit is horrific...Heidi is hotter than hot.

Esteem's picture

I would have worn this dress. In 1975.

TANGELINE's picture

I find Heidi Klum plain and she has an annoying voice. What makes me really disgusted with her is the interview she did with a German magazine bragging about being in love and how her kids Loves her bodyguard boyfriend. Just get a little Class! She should remember that when that Flavio Biatore denied paternity, t was SEAL who took shame off of her and married her ass. How could she have an interview so soon talking about how much the kids love him. HE IS NOT THEIR DAD!

Deb's picture

Submitted by WithinReason... on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 3:32pm.

Submitted by Deb on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 2:56pm.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 2:54pm.
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Deb, for why would you listen to any version of the Del Taco merde? Hahahaha :)
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Within! Both times it was purely accidental. I swear!

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

WinterOwl22's picture

There is too much going on with Heidi's dress. I like the sparkles, Gold stitching that it has all over and the sleeve but the tie-dye color has got to go! Oh and also the shoes are fugly.

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I like to smile, smiling's my favorite! : )

The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!

WinterOwl22's picture

Submitted by anonymouscrazyc... on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 1:53pm.
Ok, my fashion sense is pretty nil, but WTF is up with Kim's shoes? Only her big toe and the next one is in the shoe, all the others are hanging out. Nasty feet barely covered by ugly shoes.

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Her toes arent hanging out. The shoes are most clear and the front part has the color. : )

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I like to smile, smiling's my favorite! : )

The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!

samesame's picture

I see that tomahawk already defended the German fashion sense. Ich trage auch keine Glitter-Klamotten, neither does any of my peeps. But I do have to admit that my grandma loved gold clothing. Well, she died a couple of years ago and I chose a golden urn for her. She would have loved it.
I think speedos and the glittery golden stuff is reserved for the older folks, not only in Germany but all around the globe.
German/European Stars don't have a unique fashion style. They copy from what they see in Hollywood.

18thCenturyFox's picture

Heidi Klum joining VS signaled the end of that companies cache for me. She is so plain, and has an undeserved sense of entitlement. Laetitia Casta- now she is swoonworthy. Heidi Klum is missing a nose, has chicken cutlet-y cheeks and is all around average. So she has legs, in the immortal words of Seinfeld: "Why would I be a leg man? I don't need legs. I have legs"

Foxxy Brown's picture

the next time she rips into a Project Runway contestant for lack of taste they should just turn toward the camera and hold up this photo

"Voodoo is forgetting who's the john and who's the whore." MK, 3/20/12

Hey Twatty,

Of course, I'll be around. I work until the evening and use my phone while the kids are doing homework haha. See you lata!

Twat Muffin's picture

Cashew -- can you come back on OP and we'll talk more about "Boardwalk Empire"? Yeah, Owen is great. Wow, Bobby Cannavale is younger than me, I didn't know that. Yeah, he sounds great in Italian.

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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"

Vern's picture

I don't believe Alicia Keyes can actually look in a mirror without kissing it, so, I don't think she was ever able to get a clear view of what this fugly dress looked like on her.

*chanting as always*

Shut the fuck up kid, you're in my closet now.

I like some of Blahna Del Taco's songs and have her CD, but her persona is just so boring! Her H&M campaign just makes me sleepy. But her voice on her record just has something. Beautiful music, imo.

I would like Heidi's dress better minus the tie up. The color and print are nice. Her body is amazing and I think she is gorgeous... she has to be over 40 now right?

Hey Twatty!

Oooh, Owen is getting so gorgeous, manly and romantic! He was making me swooooon. And I'm so happy for Richard. He needs to run away too, and take the kid with him. Do you get turned on when Gyp starts speaking Italian in that husky voice of his (otherwise, he just scares the crap out of me)? Funny how Bobby Canavale looks like an adorable cuddle bear IRL: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3555890688/nm0134072). And this "war" is taking too long to happen, IMO- start blowing shit up (more) already!

WithinReason...'s picture

Submitted by Deb on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 2:56pm.
Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 2:54pm.

--
Deb, for why would you listen to any version of the Del Taco merde? Hahahaha :)

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░

WithinReason...'s picture

Omg the tragedy, but even with the open front, Heidi still looked better than the rest. And ewwww, the Hoff is giving the Jedwards the creepy "I wanna see what's under that suit" look - aaaack! Each thumb is an assault on the senses, no more MK, no more, lol

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░

DianaDeath's picture

WTF is a "Best Push"? And why couldn't terrorists have bombed that building? So many questions.

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"If French is the language of love, then Spanish is the language of badassery!" -MK

perky's picture

Submitted by misslainey on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 1:51pm.
Love Alicia Keyes's hair.
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Ditto! She looks so good in that Chase credit card commercial.

Twat Muffin's picture

GoTexan40mg -- glad you liked it. I was watching something this week, oh, it was "Bada Bling Brides," and this chick with a really annoying voice was getting married, and I was thinking, how the fuck can a guy get married to this thing with such an annoying voice? And I thought of Kramer having those full body spasms! I have a really sensitive ear and can't stand annoying noises & voices. I couldn't be with a dude who had an annoying, whiny voice -- hate that shit!

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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"

Gardening Girl's picture

Dog, maybe cos that's the only rock act they play on MTV anymore. Remember when MTV was about music videos?

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Dog's picture

Well, at least Linkin' Park won.

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kanderso's picture

She looks pretty trashy but so does everyone - I'm guessing Eurotrash is the look for this event.

Regardless of what she's wearing, Heidi is still so ridiculously gorgeous. How the heck old is this woman? She looks 30.

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"Hooooooty who give an eff about Haiti?! I don't! BAM!" - MK as Taylor Momsen

GoTexan40mg's picture

twatmuffin i youtubed the kramer part you were talking about.. LLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.. yes her voice does that to me too. lololololol

Deb's picture

Submitted by Gardening Girl on Mon, 11/12/2012 - 2:54pm.

Deb, listening to Del Taco has the opposite effect on me. My orifice just empties it's self!
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GG, I heard her studio version and a live version of her hit song, (which I can't remember).
She's awful. I'd rather hire Bobby Brown to fix my sitch down there than to listen to her dreck.

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson

Gardening Girl's picture

Deb, listening to Del Taco has the opposite effect on me. My orifice just empties it's self!

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Twat Muffin's picture

Lucie -- hey, love! <3 Aren't these people hot messes? Not one of them is dressed decently. They all look like crap to me.

Cashew -- hey, hon! Are you going to be around to talk about "Boardwalk Empire" later? Owen is looking really hot lately, especially the talk about leaving.

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"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"

Rockwell's picture

Kim Kuntrashian has patented the trashy look. I guess since she never changes her hair or makeup, she has plenty of time to find the tackiest outfits on the planet.

This whore would appear at the opening of a 7-11 if she could get her picture taken. She has to realize in the back of her pea brain that her time in the spotlight will dwindle just as it did for skanky Paris Hilton.

I loathe this land hog to an infinite degree.

Gardening Girl's picture

UBF, who knows, maybe when I am a meemaw I will be making my meatloaf in my granny panties cos IT'S MY HOUSE!

"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012

Deb's picture

Blahna always looks like she is in dire need of a strong laxative.

"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson