Elmo Might’ve Done Sex With A 16-Year-Old Boy

November 12, 2012 / Posted by:

As maids platinum leaf the sideburns on anti-muppet super villain Mitt Romney and his assistants apply a fresh coat of liquified elephant ivory on his teeth, he is softly hahahahahahaha-ing to himself. Because his plan to destroy those government-mooching lazies at Sesame Street might’ve failed, but it doesn’t really matter since Sesame Street is slowly imploding with no help from him. It’s a sad day for everyone when there’s a chance that when you go to the National Sex Offender Registry and type in “Sesame Street,” Elmo’s picture will pop up!

TMZ says that Elmo is mute today, because his voice, Kevin Nash, took a leave of absence from Sesame Street after a now 23-year-old accused him of partaking in statutory rape shit 7 years ago. The accuser claims that when Kevin Nash was 45 and he was 16, they regularly had sex together. The accuser went to Sesame Workshops this past June and said that Elmo tickled him wrong when he was 16. After his first meeting with the head bitches of Sesame Workshops, the accuser thought they were trying to shut his lips, so he hired the law firm of Andreozzi and Associates, the same firm that represented one of Jerry Sandusky’s victims, to represent him. Sesame Workshop released this statement:

“In June of this year, Sesame Workshop received a communication from a young man who alleged that he had a relationship with Kevin Clash beginning when he was 16-years-old. This was a personal relationship, unrelated to the workplace. We took the allegation very seriously and took immediate action.

Kevin insists that these allegations are false and defamatory and he has taken actions to protect his reputation. We have granted him a leave of absence to do so.

Elmo is bigger than any one person and will continue to be an integral part of Sesame Street to engage, educate and inspire children around the world.”

Sesame Workshop officials are still standing by Kevin Clash, because they say they asked the accuser to cough up some proof and he hasn’t. The accuser did give Sesame Workshop an e-mail that Kevin Clash allegedly sent to him, and in the e-mail Kevin admits to screwing on him when he was just 16, but they think the e-mail is a work of fraud. Sesame Workshop did find out that Kevin Clash used his company e-mail account to write his accuser a few times, but apparently he doesn’t mention anything about illegal sex stuff in his e-mails.

Kevin tells TMZ that he did have a sexual relationship with his accuser, but it was completely consensual and his accuser was of legal age at the time. Kevin says that he’s sad that his accuser is trying to smear his G-rated image for whatever reason.

Well, isn’t this just a scalding cup of FUCKED UP.

No, I don’t know why the accuser didn’t go directly to the police instead of going to Sesame Workshop,  but I still have a feeling this isn’t going to end well for Kevin Clash. We now all know that the fist that is always up Elmo has boned a teenager and probably made Elmo voices while doing so. I have a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll and now every time that creepy thing laughs, I’m going to think of Kevin making the same laugh as…. Oh, forget it. Let’s not EVER go there. It’s always too early for that.

And coming this holiday season: Sex-You-Up Elmo.

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