14-year-old Ariel Winter, who plays the daughter with the glasses on Modern Family, is now living with her older sister after she told the court her mother Chrystal Workman verbally, physically and emotionally abused her. Chrystal Workman denies abusing her daughter and she says her daughter only called CPS on her ass after she tried to put an end to Ariel’s relationship with 18-year-old Cameron Palatas. Chrystal says she caught Ariel and Cameron in bed together and told her daughter she couldn’t see him again, but when the illegal foolery continued, she filed statutory rape charges against him. I know, none of us know what to think about this mess, but thankfully we have the wise porn iguana that is Courtney Stodden to guide our thoughts for us. Radar went up to Courtney’s advice booth and asked her what she thinks about 14-year-old Ariel dating an 18-year-old dude.
Courtney isn’t a licensed therapist and has bleached iguana dingles for brains, but we should still listen to what she has to say because she’s rill, rill wise like that. Courtney didn’t know who Ariel was at first, so her keeper Doug Hutchison had to tell her and then she spat this up:
“I think it’s awesome! As long as they’re in love, it’s okay. They should get married!”
I know that whenever I need relationship advice, I try to get it from an 18-year-old factory defected Frederick’s of Hollywood mannequin who is possessed by the spirit of a lizard demon and calls her 51-year-old creepster husband “daddy.” When Courtney Stodden says she approves of your relationship, that’s your cue to un-friend your boyfriend on Facebook, erase all traces of him from your iPhone and pay a mind-erasing hypnotist thousands of dollars to scrub every memory of him from the crevices of your brain. Do take fashion, make-up and plastic surgery advice from Courtney, but don’t take relationship advice from that mess. Go to bed, Courtney, and by bed, I mean JAIL!
And let’s not ask Courtney what she thinks about Elmo getting it on with a 16-year-old. We’ve already been through enough today.
UPDATE: And here’s Courtney, her pimp mom and her mutant foreskin of a husband at some event in Downtown L.A. last night. This is why you should always take fashion, make-up and plastic surgery advice from Courtney. The clear bra straps, the baby powder make-up, the melting face, the exquisite lucite heels and the not-at-all obvious tit padding… Why isn’t this on the cover of Chernobyl Vogue?!