The Time Jenny McCarthy Did Ecstasy And Tried To Have Sex With A Tree

November 9, 2012 / Posted by:

Autism curer and literary genius Jenny McCarthy is peddling her newest book “Bad Habits: Confessions of a Recovering Catholic” and she learned the best way to sell a book is to spill some scandalous (not really) secrets about all the time she did drugs and fucked a tree so hard that it squirted sap like it’s never squirted sap before. HuffPo says that Jenny writes that while partying with her friends one night, she swallowed so many Ecstasy pills that it made her take off all her clothes (like she needed Ecstasy to do that) and practically rub her cooter off while screwing a tree.

“The texture felt so good that I decided to rub my head and boobs all over it. It was a tree I was humping.”

Jenny then writes that her friends, who were also rolling hard, got paranoid and wanted to run to the road for help.

“I noticed that we weren’t wearing anything. So I responded, ‘Let’s not. We’re naked. Let’s just try to sneak back to the beach and get our clothes.”

So sticking a vaccine needle in your kid is wrong, will probably send them to an early death and anybody who does it should be dragged into the town square and stoned. But eating a bunch of Ecstasy pills and then forcibly fucking a tree until you birth out an acorn baby is okay and totally not wrong? Good to know. Thanks for clearing that up, Jenny McCarthy, M.D. (Yes, in this case, M.D. stands for maniacally dumb.)

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