Miss Bliss? Mr. Belding? Anybody! Please Come Get This Girl!

November 9, 2012 / Posted by:

Ever since Lark Voorhies’ mother made her daughter’s mental condition public by telling People Magazine that she suffers from bi-polar disorder, Lisa Turtle has been out there trying to convince everyone that she doesn’t have a mental illness while clearly looking like she has a mental illness. Lisa Turtle, who will forever be my favorite Turtle, went on Entertainment Tonight and lord, it’s hard to watch. Don’t watch it if you want to remember happier times in the Saved By the Bell world when Screech wasn’t giving out Dirty Sanchezes and Lisa Turtle wasn’t giving out sad interviews to robot reporters on Entertainment Tonight.

If Lisa Turtle said the line, “I am very positive girl who looks for real luv or a good friend,” I’d really think she was reciting my spam e-mails word for word. I thought I was guilty of first degree comma abuse, but Lisa Turtle uses ALL the commas and more.

On her mom saying she has bi-polar disorder: I have no worries myself, nor do I exude, exhibit, or eh, possess with my living, uh, stratus, um any reason why someone should worry on my behalf. It’s completely fictional.

On dealing with fame: It’s much like fighting a, uh… I mean when you enlist in the army, you get yourself physically fit and mentally fit, and uh, informational. Wise, fit. So it’s just the same, it’s like, um, um, stage boot camp. You know? You put all the right elements together and you keep them going and you keep them going and you keep them going. And uh, round and round the world goes. We have to be entertainers, this is our particular angle.

I feel like that dude washing the windows is a metaphor for something.

Lisa Turtle could be bi-polar and she’s not taking her meds, or she could be bi-polar and she is taking her meds but it’s not working for her. Or maybe Lisa Turtle just has trouble with making sentences. Anybody who reads this blog knows that I can relate to that. I especially have trouble with making sentences when I’m put on the spot. One time during a job interview I said, “Thank you for timing the talk to take with me.” I didn’t get the job.

On a positive note, Lark’s eyebrow situation is looking good.

via Videogum

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