It’s The Annual Parade Of Leonardo DiCatchAHo’s Past Girlfriends
“As a multi-racial panty company our foundation is built upon both diversity and consideration for other cultures. Our intention with our new Poke-a-hotass bra and panties set was never to offend, hurt or trivialize Native American people, their culture or their history. We consulted with Native American friends and Native American studies experts at the University of California, and they told us Disney got it all wrong. Chief Powhatan was really a skinny dirty blonde girl from Chicago who wore leopard panties and bought all of her jewelry at tourist shops in Santa Fe. We sincerely apologize on behalf of the dumb dumbs at Disney and all of the high school history teachers who obviously got the history of the Native American people wrong. They should really update their books or something.
Love, kisses and woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woos – VS”
That is the exact statement Victoria’s Secret is going to release after everybody freaks out about the mess of an outfit they put Karlie Kloss in. Moving on…
Memory lane walked in front of Leonardo DiCatchAHo last night when Victoria’s Secret held their annual tits, ass and panties show in NYC. Although, every model there probably told reporters, “OHMYGAWD, I ate a dog, four hamburgers, six cakes, an entire Arby’s and then I sucked off a Slurpee machine at 7-Eleven“, I’m sure most of them have only eaten cigarette smoke and soda can sweat for the last two weeks. Victoria’s Secret wants them to be skinnier than a ladybug’s antennae, but they also want them to have the strength of a linebacker. Look at all that shit they have to carry on their backs. Victoria’s Secret takes their models to Michael’s and then goes down the aisle, throwing all sorts of craft crap on their backs. “You see that whole bin of plastic orchids over there? Tie it to that blonde one’s back. There’s a deconstructed parade float in the alley, throw it on Adriana. And that broken down Las Vegas hotel sign over there? Strap it to that other blonde.“
After the show, the president of VS had two of the angels come over to his apartment and carry his grand piano on their backs down four flights of stairs. There really needs to be a Victoria’s Secret Angels moving company.
