Hot Slut Of The Day!

President Obama won the biggest reality show in history, Maine and Maryland (and probably Washington) all said yes to me eloping in their state with a drunken Anderson Cooper, I can now buy the good shit at any Trader Joe’s in Colorado and Washington, America has its first openly gayelle senator and Sesame Street had a big ole’ sloppy victory orgy, but the true star of last night was the spotlight-stealing Flag Head Lady. Flag Head Lady’s hair flag is the Aretha Franklin’s hat of 2012.

My Facebook wall, Twitter feed and inbox all filled up last night during Obama’s victory speech and hos weren’t talking about the words coming out of the president’s mouth, they were worshiping at the forehead of Flag Head Lady. Homegirl’s head looked like your nana’s front porch during the Fourth of July and she didn’t care. It’s like Neil Armstrong landed on her head.

The bottle of wine I swallowed tried to trick me into thinking Flag Head Lady was Oprah or Diana Ross, but both of them could never come up with a fashion trend like this. Flag Head Lady kept it glamorous and she annoyed the shit out of the dude in back of her who kept waiting for her to fuck him in the nostril with the tip of her flag.

Flag Head Lady taught us all a very important lesson: What’s the point of having a full head of hair if you’re not going to stick shit in it?  I love you, Flag Head Lady!

(For everyone who sent this in, you know who you are and I hope you’ve got a flag stuck in your hair or taped to your head this morning.)