Cameron Diaz Tried To Get Her Some RPattz

November 6, 2012 / Posted by:

Six seconds after this picture was taken, Cameron Diaz drunkenly slurred into Robert Pattinson’s ear, “So are you going to Pattzin’ up my bubbly by dipping your sparkle rod in my flute or what?”

UsWeekly says that DiGiorno-faced Cameron Diaz tried to get into Robert Pattinson’s panties at LACMA’s Art + Film Gala in L.A. on October 27th. RPattz, seen below at Jimmy Kimmel Live last night,  is apparently back with Kristen Stewart, but that didn’t stop horny ass Cammy from trying to get a chance to viciously hump the unicorns out of his hair. Some source says that Cameron went hard, “She was pretty obvious. Cam was seated next to Rob at dinner. She was touching his arm, doing her big Cameron laugh at everything he said and trying really hard. He was polite, but not having it.”

Cameron, you simple ho, that’s not how you make the sparkles on RPattz’s peen twinkle something extra. If you want to lure RPattz in, you have to sulk in the corner and when you’re not chewing on the plastic leaves on the fake ficus tree next to you, you should mumble about how you hate life and everything in it. Whenever somebody tries to talk to you, hiss at them with your eyes and then blankly stare off into the distance like a slow dyslexic sloth trying to sing the alphabet backwards. RPattz will slowly start looking your own way and then cinch the deal by letting a married director hump your butt. BOOM. Before you know it, you’ll be pulling fiber optic pubes out of your mouth while giving RPattz a beej in the men’s bathroom.

Or Cameron can get RPattz by topping the deal he has with Kristen Stewart during the next FCB (Fake Celebrity Boyfriend) Draft.

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