Presenting People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Of 2012 (Maybe)

November 5, 2012 / Posted by:

Ryan Reynolds’ was People Magazine’s Sexiest Man of 2010, Bradley Cooper took 2011 and apparently they’re keeping with the theme of “bland-ish white dudes” by giving Channing Tatum the title this year. Gossip Cop says that next week, Bradley Cooper will put a tiara on Channing Tatum’s head when he’s named the Sexiest Man Alive (aka The Client Whose Publicist Traded The Most Promised Exclusives For This Fake Title) by People Magazine! I know, the only time the words “Sexiest” and “Channing” should be the on the cover of a magazine is if Carol Channing is named The Sexiest Human Who Ever Lived.

People refused to comment on this rumor.

You know, I am into necks that are thicker than a $40 ham lying in a freezer bin at a grocery store, but I was never into Channing Tatum. I never understood why hos were into him either until I went to see Magic Mike with a bunch of girls. One girl said that Channing Tatum is like that hottest dude in high school who always ignored you and never said one word to you. Then years later when you’re home for Christmas, you run into him at the bar at T.G.I. Friday’s and he’s drinking alone. He’s bloated, rougher in the face and you hit it and quit it just so you can say you did. So I totally get it now.

Still, Jon Hamm should’ve gotten the title. Jon’s Hammaconda has been campaigning for that shit all year long! But whatever, I don’t need People to tell me who the Sexiest Man Alive is when I already know it will forever be Richard Simmons. The proof is in the pucker.

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