Papa Joe Isn’t Gay, So Says Papa Joe

November 5, 2012 / Posted by:

Don’t expect Papa Joe Simpson to declare “Yup, I Love Dick!” on the cover of Christian Today anytime soon, because even though that Sweet Valley High sweater and peroxide highlights say otherwise, he claims his tongue doesn’t get extra tingly around twink butt. The National Enquirer started all of this when they said that Papa Joe’s marriage to Tina Simpson ended after he admitted that he’s gay all the way. Then a leased twink came out and said that he 69’ed with Papa Joe on the carpet of a luxury hotel room in NYC. But Sugar Daddy Joe is telling everyone around him that The National Enquirer is spreading lies. Papa Joe wasn’t sucking on that twink dick because he’s gay. Papa Joe was sucking on it because he suffers from acid reflux and that twink dick was pushing the gastric acid back down. Twink dick IS nature’s Tums.

According to TMZ, Papa Joe calls the gay stories “ridiculous” and none of them are true. Some of TMZ’s sources think Papa Joe is telling the truth and others believe that he’s just doing the backstroke on a river of denial.

On one hand, that outfit is a coming out outfit if I ever saw one. On the OTHER hand, I’d like to believe that no self-respecting gay dude would shop in the memaw section of JcPenney. But whatever, I guess I’ll press pause on my dream of seeing Papa Joe dance with his shirt off to an old Lisa Lisa song during 80s night at a gay club in West Hollywood. For now, I’ll just go back to seeing him as a super creepy, heterosexual perv who is obsessed with his daughter’s tits.

(Pic via PCN)

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