Monday, November 5th 2012

Papa Joe Isn't Gay, So Says Papa Joe

Don't expect Papa Joe Simpson to declare "Yup, I Love Dick!" on the cover of Christian Today anytime soon, because even though that Sweet Valley High sweater and peroxide highlights say otherwise, he claims his tongue doesn't get extra tingly around twink butt. The National Enquirer started all of this when they said that Papa Joe's marriage to Tina Simpson ended after he admitted that he's gay all the way. Then a leased twink came out and said that he 69'ed with Papa Joe on the carpet of a luxury hotel room in NYC. But Sugar Daddy Joe is telling everyone around him that The National Enquirer is spreading lies. Papa Joe wasn't sucking on that twink dick because he's gay. Papa Joe was sucking on it because he suffers from acid reflux and that twink dick was pushing the gastric acid back down. Twink dick IS nature's Tums.

According to TMZ, Papa Joe calls the gay stories "ridiculous" and none of them are true. Some of TMZ's sources think Papa Joe is telling the truth and others believe that he's just doing the backstroke on a river of denial.

On one hand, that outfit is a coming out outfit if I ever saw one. On the OTHER hand, I'd like to believe that no self-respecting gay dude would shop in the memaw section of JcPenney. But whatever, I guess I'll press pause on my dream of seeing Papa Joe dance with his shirt off to an old Lisa Lisa song during 80s night at a gay club in West Hollywood. For now, I'll just go back to seeing him as a super creepy, heterosexual perv who is obsessed with his daughter's tits.

(Pic via PCN)

Posted by: Michael K


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loopygorilla's picture

ewwww imagine doing 69 with papa joe and he was ontop of you and his fat folds slaps ure chin and then his gut sits on ure chest and you can't breathe.

I can't feel sympathy for a man who may well have had boyfriends/hookers on the side all along. People know if they're gay at a young age, so he chose to live a lie with woman who was completely in the dark about his sexual orientation.

Naughychimp's picture

Wonder if Ken Paves knew, all along.

Yes, he's gay.

I don't believe any of this for a New York minute. What better way to deflect the rumors of his "desires" for his daughter? And for these guys to suddenly come forward like this out of the blue? It's known that papa Joe reports things to the tabs on other celebs, so I'm sure he dialed in to the Enquirer himself with this hairbrained scheme and paid these boys to do the same. Him and his wife were probably divorcing anyway.

Zorba-the-Geek's picture

Papa Joe is so gay, but I kind of feel sorry for him now. It probably sucks to come out as a gay male in late middle age. It's like there was a big party going on the whole time, and you missed it. Now that you want in, you're kind of leathery and wrinkled and everyone's making fun of your shitty wardrobe. Papa Joe could have had a blast as a young gay man, but as a middle aged queen, well, I'm sure all these young twinks just laugh behind his back.

WithinReason...'s picture

Submitted by agirl on Mon, 11/05/2012 - 4:20pm.
... SUNSCREEN FOR THE QUEEN here please! Oops, I mean for the 100% heterosessual gentleman.

--
Bwaahahahha, he found himself having a mid-life tanning crisis emergency and charbroiled himself front and back all week. Obviously he's never heard of the orange spray. lol

*recalls MK's Busey-DeGeneres comment* HAHAHA

•-•-•-•-•-•
"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
░░░░♬♣☺♪◘☼♥♫•ღ♩♦≈❀♠♡░░░░

Daniee's picture

I cant help but always feel a great deal of both pity and empathy for anyone, but especially for someone this age to have to live such separate and opposing lives. It just has to be incredible painful to the spirit. I could never adhere to so much repressiveness. The overdoing it on the whole anti-gay and so-called family values nonsense is just a mask.

Haribo's picture

How the fuck do you turn gay after years of being married with children?! I thought it was something one is born with?! Clearly, I do not know shit.

'We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.'

salacious's picture

If it comes down to the clothes he's wearing, please, Mickey Rourke has worn more colorful clothes than that.

Esteem's picture

Oh please.

Submitted by LA me on Mon, 11/05/2012 - 4:30pm.

Lislop.... This reminds me of the time I was waiting for my client to arrive at LAX.
There I was, trying to look professional, holding my sign in front of me with the clients name. Everyone coming off the plane were laughing and pointing. I couldn't figure out why till I realized I was holding a big sign that said "HO". Figures they'd give that job to one of us few female chauffeurs.
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Hahahaha. That sucks. I'd seriously change the spelling of my surname to He or Hu.

My classmate was a super smart, no nonsense chick, with thick skin so she was able to put an end to lots of jokes at her expense. I wouldn't have fared as well.

RandéSleepover's picture

So sue the NE for libel if it's a lie. Not suing, huh? Maybe it's just a middle-aged crisis?

.....................
Married men who wish to seduce young women always have horrid wives.

JTROS's picture

He looks exactly like an older version of my gay high school friend. He made some jaws drop one year when he visited me at college dressed as a drag queen.

Dion flowerboy's picture

Liar liar sweater and face on fire.

LA me's picture

Submitted by lislop
LOL! I went to high school with a girl with the last name "Ho". Something tells me she married young.
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Lislop.... This reminds me of the time I was waiting for my client to arrive at LAX.
There I was, trying to look professional, holding my sign in front of me with the clients name. Everyone coming off the plane were laughing and pointing. I couldn't figure out why till I realized I was holding a big sign that said "HO". Figures they'd give that job to one of us few female chauffeurs.

***************************************
Why some turds evade the whirlpool...god only knows. They are survivors. The fittest.
- Hysteria

agirl's picture

Is he really that pink? Or does it just look that way because he's wearing yellow?

SUNSCREEN FOR THE QUEEN here please! Oops, I mean for the 100% heterosessual gentleman.

Please may he not be bi. Our team has too many screw balls, slobs and Lindsey Lohan as it is.

Submitted by lislop on Mon, 11/05/2012 - 1:54pm.
--------------------------
Wow, that'a pretty rough...Ho. Ho...are you present?

Having a messed up name in school, when the teacher called out your name at the beginning of the year, seemed so brutal for some kids. Oh well, I'm sure they're tougher for it!

thebridge's picture

Whatever he is GAY just look at those manicure finger tips looks way better than mine and am not a man.lol

BabyDaddy's picture

"And he looks like Lurch from the old Addams Family Series ready to go antiquing with his partner and two dachshunds."

And that, folks, is SCIENCE. No need to comment further because LaChaylo nailed it down with a hydraulic nail gun.

literarylioness's picture

Papa Joe's not gay! Just his haircut.

Submitted by Hekki on Mon, 11/05/2012 - 12:32pm.
You know what? Who even cares? The only reason I am titillated is that he was a Bible-beating "youth pastor" and all uppity about being moral and his daughter being a virgin and crap.

It's not like being gay is BAD. It's just that it makes him a big fat hypocrite
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Yup. They used to go around advertising their strong moral values and other bogus crap so it's his fault if people are now interested in his gay lovers.

I think it was one of his lovers, Bryce, who was in the car with him at the time of his drunk diving arrest.

LaChaylo's picture

And he looks like Lurch from the old Addams Family Series ready to go antiquing with his partner and two dachshunds.

dorian_graye's picture

WHO CARES IF THIS CREEPY DUDE IS GAY!?!? JUST MAKE SURE YOU VOTE TOMORROW SO THAT WE CAN LEGALIZE GAY!!!

YOU KNOW WHO TO VOTE FOR!!!

Submitted by miz cynical on Mon, 11/05/2012 - 12:45pm.
I went to high school with a girl with the last name "Gay". She always corrected the teacher that it was pronounced "Guy".
Yeah, sure. Whatever.
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LOL! I went to high school with a girl with the last name "Ho". Something tells me she married young.

Emerald Tesser's picture

"Peeny Lover" : the well known Lionel Richie song. Maybe it was written for Papa Joe!

LaChaylo's picture

He just hasn't had the talk with his uber Christian parents who'll likely flip their lids. Papa Joe was a Baptist minister before becoming Dadager. But mind you, Chestica having a baby out of wedlock with rentadouche is totally acceptable.

purin's picture

He ghey tho

Hekki's picture

Submitted by PrettyHateMachine: "He looks like an alcoholic in the face now."

I was gonna say.

I classify this kind of boozy complexion as "arrabiata". Smokers get it, too. Our neighbor with emphysema had this coloring; very red with a tinge of blue. His skin always looked aggravated.

Anyone who responds with "ridiculous" at being identified as gay, is totally gay.

stefystef's picture

Papa Joe says he's not gay?

That blonde hair and yellow sweater says otherwise.
______________________________________________________________
"That shit was more staged and choreographed than Paul Ryan's soup kitchen visit."- MK, 10/16/12

Submitted by miz cynical on Mon, 11/05/2012 - 1:06pm.

Oh, yeah I remember it vividly! And I always felt a little bad for her because you could hear the snickers around the classroom from the other students.

miz cynical's picture

@greeneggs- thanks! Glad to hear I'm not the only one who's experienced creative pronounciations!

@islandgirl - can't believe that poor woman went into teaching! My friends and I would've laughed, too. :(.

Aquarianne's picture

I guess he's just a huge Ellen DeGeneris fan. The hair says it all.

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“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
― Dr. Seuss

Submitted by miz cynical on Mon, 11/05/2012 - 12:45pm.
@Islandgirl - did you gym teacher insist that it wasn't pronounced the way that it was spelled? I've found that people with embarrassing last names come up with some BS way of pronouncing it instead of the normal, phonetic way. For instance, I had a teacher named "Hogg", but instead she said, oh, no it's pronounced "oooog", the 'h' is silent. Whatever. Hogg it is.
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I went to high school with a girl with the last name "Gay". She always corrected the teacher that it was pronounced "Guy".
Yeah, sure. Whatever.

Jack McFarland is somewhere rolling his eyes at this denial.

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There might have been a time when I would let you slip away
I wouldn't even try
But I think you could save my life

SANS FARDS's picture

He's starting to resemble Nick Nolte....hitting the liquor cabinet alittle too much?

_______________________________________________

Submitted by P.T.Bull on Tue, 09/25/2012 - 10:33pm.

"This bitch is crazier than a pillowcase full of clear-level scientologist possums."

Dirk Diggler's picture

The National Enquirer usually gets it right. Mind you, I can understand his trying to backpedal in view of those lurid reports.

PrettyHateMachine's picture

He looks like an alcoholic in the face now.

And why did he wait to long to deny it? Was he just leaving it out there as a feeler?

M.E.'s picture

Papa Joe is the ghey. But his Baptist background isn't going to make it easy for him to come out.

islandgirl's picture

Submitted by miz cynical on Mon, 11/05/2012 - 12:45pm.
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She didn't, but I don't think there's any getting around that one. :)

Kizzy's picture

His stylist sure thinks he is. But his hairdresser knows for sure.

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"I am not doing your fucking maneuvers."-Croc
"Once you go cat, you'll never go back"- Mrs.K "We wanted diamonds, sherbet, or a squirrel with a gun."-Izzard ♥♥ If you don't talk to your cat about catnip, who will? ♥♥

miz cynical's picture

@Islandgirl - did you gym teacher insist that it wasn't pronounced the way that it was spelled? I've found that people with embarrassing last names come up with some BS way of pronouncing it instead of the normal, phonetic way. For instance, I had a teacher named "Hogg", but instead she said, oh, no it's pronounced "oooog", the 'h' is silent. Whatever. Hogg it is.

justincase's picture

That colour is Banana Yellow which is a big ahahahahahaha!