Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 4, 2012 / Posted by:

Beaky, the orphan parrot from England with a poet’s vocabulary who will tickle your ears with the fuck word and shank you with his beak if he doesn’t know you. If Dlisted had a clubhouse, Beaky would be our official door greeter!

My grandma (not my abuelita) was a serious bird hoarder in the most serious way. My grandma didn’t meet a bird she didn’t love and that’s saying a lot since there’s a lot of bitchy birds out there. She had dozens of birds crammed into her little house. There was a bird cage against every piece of wall space in every single room and every cage had at least five or six birds living in it. If you weren’t listening to the sound  of birds screaming out bird noises, you were listening to the sound of bird caca hitting newspaper and if you weren’t listening to the sound of bird caca hitting newspaper, you were listening to the sound of wings flapping. You always had a feather in your mouth when you visited my grandma. Breathing in my grandma’s house was like blowing Big Bird but not as much fun.

You know that crazy bitch on Maury who was so deathly afraid of birds that she probably can’t go on Twitter to this day, because seeing that little Tweet Bird makes her shit through her coochie out of fear? My grandma’s house was that crazy bitch’s nightmare on ALL the roids. It was like being stuck in the middle of a Birdemic. But you know, I would’ve completely embraced my birdaholic’s grandma’s insane obsession with birds if Beaky was a member of her bird army.

Beaky is currently entertaining the staff at RSPCA Leybourne Animal Centre in West Malling by cursing them out. The staff says that just like me, Beaky’s favorite words are “fuck” and “asshole” and he likes calling everyone stupid. If Beaky doesn’t know you and you stick your finger in his cage, he will cut you. Adopting Beaky will be like having your own personal Mel Gibson at home. (But real talk, Mel should be in the cage and Beaky should be out there getting pre-Jacuzzi blowjobs.)

So if you’re looking for a tutor who will teach your children the most important words in the English language and will do it in exchange for free room and bird seed, adopt Beaky today!

via Arbroath

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