Hot Slut Of The Day!
Beaky, the orphan parrot from England with a poet's vocabulary who will tickle your ears with the fuck word and shank you with his beak if he doesn't know you. If Dlisted had a clubhouse, Beaky would be our official door greeter!
My grandma (not my abuelita) was a serious bird hoarder in the most serious way. My grandma didn't meet a bird she didn't love and that's saying a lot since there's a lot of bitchy birds out there. She had dozens of birds crammed into her little house. There was a bird cage against every piece of wall space in every single room and every cage had at least five or six birds living in it. If you weren't listening to the sound of birds screaming out bird noises, you were listening to the sound of bird caca hitting newspaper and if you weren't listening to the sound of bird caca hitting newspaper, you were listening to the sound of wings flapping. You always had a feather in your mouth when you visited my grandma. Breathing in my grandma's house was like blowing Big Bird but not as much fun.
You know that crazy bitch on Maury who was so deathly afraid of birds that she probably can't go on Twitter to this day, because seeing that little Tweet Bird makes her shit through her coochie out of fear? My grandma's house was that crazy bitch's nightmare on ALL the roids. It was like being stuck in the middle of a Birdemic. But you know, I would've completely embraced my birdaholic's grandma's insane obsession with birds if Beaky was a member of her bird army.
Beaky is currently entertaining the staff at RSPCA Leybourne Animal Centre in West Malling by cursing them out. The staff says that just like me, Beaky's favorite words are "fuck" and "asshole" and he likes calling everyone stupid. If Beaky doesn't know you and you stick your finger in his cage, he will cut you. Adopting Beaky will be like having your own personal Mel Gibson at home. (But real talk, Mel should be in the cage and Beaky should be out there getting pre-Jacuzzi blowjobs.)
So if you're looking for a tutor who will teach your children the most important words in the English language and will do it in exchange for free room and bird seed, adopt Beaky today!
via Arbroath
• 
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Oh mah gawwwddd! This post was so funny!
I have an aunt who is a bird hoarder too (except e keeps them in her back yard) she has cockatiels, parrots, doves, chickens....and my mom has a few cockatiels and while we keep the cage in the garage at night, during the day its right outside the door and sometimes I see feathers floating around inside the house.
But seriously, I got an ab workout just reading this post! : D
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I like to smile, smiling's my favorite! : )
The poster formerly known as SnowOwl, formerly known as Nightowl!
In this sense,the 20th century is a real fashion era,and before that,fashion more performance for the traditional fixed custom standard efforts anastomosis,and unconsciously follow flow.From the beginning of the 20th century show the unique.Einstein's special theory of relativity and freudian psychoanalysis,Picasso's cubist paintings and Duncan anti traditional modern dance,all performance new century vitality,at that time the east
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May 4th new culture movement is also wash away old conservative,Mr and advocating please to China.Interestingly,with such a a new century,the east and west have met the same is extremely common and yet baffling problem:now we what to wear?Western women trying to from tights and Victorian dress liberate,and cut the braid,pick the red hat or cap with tassels Chinese,how to wear is the survival of a nation have become a big problem.Eastern and western world first appeared the self-consciousness of the dress culture.Free and self-conscious,become fashion development the most comfortable bed.
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The use of emulsification and preservative may contain chemical composition.Popular speaking,literally in the field in root flowers and plants can be called the natural plant,but if you want to call it organic plant,it must,in accordance with the requirements of the international organic agricultural production and the corresponding standard to grow,not allowed to use chemical fertilizers,pesticides,more can't use artificial growth agent,in addition to these,but also the plants take to relevant organizations do organic certification,so that from organic plant does not add any artificial and chemical preparation manufactured products can be called organic products.
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Weezy your story was hysterical :)
BaconSlut that guy in the video you provided was sooo fucking annoying!! I can't understand how he got someone to breed with him multiple times. :(
If this bird had said, "Shut the fuck up, you uptight cuntbag." to her yammering on about his pottybeak, I would have hopped the next flight to jolly 'ol England and picked up this bird in a HEARTBEAT. I guarantee his bitching would have expedited him through quarantine.
"Adopting Beaky will be like having your own personal Mel Gibson at home."
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Shit, I laughed SO hard at this XD
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Submitted by catholicschoolgirl:
"...and with a massive alcohol problem if it existed, but what an awesome ride it would be." lol
Hekki, I thought these were the qualifications too, along with
"loves to watch animal videos"
I love it when M.K. talks family, my parents are hoarders and it is crazy.
If you thought Birdemic was funny, it's even funnier with Mike Nelson and the guys at Rifftrax.
http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/birdemic
One of the craziest things i have ever seen was an older woman driving a pickup that would shop at our local Safeway whose entire truck cab was filled with parakeets. There had to be at least 50. I don't know why or how she did this but the sight was one that you would never forget.
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
squirrels to the nuts!
I was disappointed we didn't get to hear his colorful stuff.
MK, it sounds like you have quite the interesting family. Never a dull moment in your world I imagine. Tell us more stories please! ;-)
Submitted by louise_brooks on Sun, 11/04/2012 - 5:01pm.
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That's terrible. Those guys were so naughty teaching it to swear, hahaha ;p
And shouldn't laugh but Beaky doesn't know any better. Parrots are super intelligent and I hear this is very common. Maybe they can teach it to sing next.
MK, you so need a parrot greeter for the DL. You can teach it all your best expressions! llololl
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Right on! Becky may have just been reared in my house.
@Weezy and SDR
ROTFLMAO!!!
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Llooouuuuuiiiiisssssseeeeeeee.
Llooouuuuuiiiiisssssseeeeeeee.
FUCK YOU!!!
Mr. Spot & I died laughing at your story.
Poor Sandy.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Sun, 11/04/2012 - 3:04pm.
Hi Twatty. Have a GREAT Sunday!
I thought that this was the Dlisted Clubhouse?!!
My great aunt owns a red macaw named Lilly that can cuss a bitch out in spanish. I love parrots.
My mom's friend bought a parrot that used to be own by two guys in their 20's who taught it to swear. It would completely torment her daughter, Sandy. Every time she came into a room it would perk up and say, "Hey Sandy! FUCK YOU!" Sandy was a bit of an idiot and she would argue with the bird. Finally her mom was like just ignore it.
So Sandy started to ignore the bird. But the bird came up with a new tactic. It would really quietly go, "Saaaaaaandy.....Saaaaaaaandy...." in a sweet tone until Sandy finally yelled, "WHAT????" Then the bird would yell, "FUCK YOU!!!!!" and start bobbing it's head and dancing around. It was the funniest damn thing EVER.
I think I want this bird to record my phone greeting.
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"Two whores don't make a right"-- M.K.
"Any guy who values stick thin and young over smarts and personality isn't worth it and has NOTHING interesting to say anyway."-- Mrs. Kravitz
wait, why didn't we hear the parrot cussing somebody out?
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God don't like ugly.
MK, brilliant as usual. A DListed clubhouse would be a freakin' glitterhouse utopia. I was hoping to hear cheeky Beaky. I would be honored to be called a drunken whore by Beaky. Xoxoxoxo. I hope he gets adopted by a responsible owner.
If Dlisted had a clubhouse, Beaky would be our official door greeter!
Best idea EVER! MK, you're a genius. DListed needs a clubhouse with Beaky the swearing parrot. UK DListers: How do we go about adopting this eloquent little bird?
@Hekki
LOL No prob.
I'm gonna have to get my asscheeks back to that car wash. It's been a while, and I may have a new Seaweed to train!
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BaconSlut, your story gave me the first laugh of the day. And it's been a looooong day. Thank you.
We pray that this precious little citizen will find a good home with intelligent loving owners who will give him a long, healthy and happy life
Fucking stupid goddamn fucking story, stupid asshole.
A local chain of car washers has a parrot at all or most of their locations, all named "Seaweed." I had been trying for months to get him to say "Whaaaaaaaaaazzzup?!" ala the old Bud commercial. Finally, it happened just as I was leaving to retrieve my now-clean sled. A THUNDEROUS "Whaaaaaaaaazzup?!" echoed through the lobby. I turned around to hooker hanging upside down from his perch by one claw, tongue wiggling. It was awesome.
Here is a clip of a different Seaweed and Paradise.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYNXS_zpknY
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It's hard to believe Beaky isn't the subject of a fierce bidding war.
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl: "I WISH there was a dlisted clubhouse with Beaky as greeter. Unfortunately I would end up unemployed, overweight and with a massive alcohol problem if it existed, but what an awesome ride it would be."
Hate to break it to you, but you'll have to meet those qualifications if you want to gain admission to the clubhouse. Your application will be expedited if you apply in person wearing Mom Jeans with your cat in a bjorn carrier.
The whole video I waited for that STUPID ASSHOLE woman to shut the FUCK up and let Beaky be great. She never did. FUCK.
Beaky is a cutie.
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Submitted by Migraineuse on Fri, 09/14/2012 - 6:22pm.
All females belong to the sex class; they are subhuman buckets for male incontinence.
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Sun, 11/04/2012 - 3:04pm.
boredasfuckyo -- I love that bird from "Scary Movie 2"!!! Talk about a bird that would cut a bitch.
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Lmao! That bird was the best part of that whole movie.
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"What if all you understand could fit into the center of a hand? And then you found it wasn't you, who held the sum of everything you knew?"
What the fuck? Why didn't we get to hear him say fuck and asshole and stupid?
Submitted by RandéSleepover on Sun, 11/04/2012 - 2:54pm.
Same IQ as humans who can't control their use of loud F-bombs in public.
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Ugh! I can't stand being in a public place, particularly where there's children - like a family restaurant - when some ignoramus who should know better (that is an adult, not some dumb teenager) is shrieking and every second word is "FUCK!!"
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Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Sun, 11/04/2012 - 2:46pm.
NOBODY beats RUBY!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOHlnV5fcsQ
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Bea Arthur came back as a parrot with a British accent.
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"What if all you understand could fit into the center of a hand? And then you found it wasn't you, who held the sum of everything you knew?"
Lucifer & pushy -- hey, babes! <3
Beaky is just adorable; what a pretty bird!
boredasfuckyo -- I love that bird from "Scary Movie 2"!!! Talk about a bird that would cut a bitch.
=======================================================
"I'm from Chicago, bitch!"
So we watched the video just to hear this chick talking, not to actually hear the fuck-beaked parrot pop off. My two minutes back, please.
Beaky is beautiful!
I was hoping to hear Beaky's repertoire, but alas.
I have to agree, Beaky needs to go Hollywood and get on the shoulder of a pirate. He shoulda been in Deadwood.
Same IQ as humans who can't control their use of loud F-bombs in public.
.....................
Married men who wish to seduce young women always have horrid wives.
"Adopting Beaky will be like having your own personal Mel Gibson at home" Laugh out loud!
Beaky is perfection, Bird beaks are a bit scary though.
Beaky must be related to that parrot in Scary Movie 2.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaTS6yjdHTM
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"What if all you understand could fit into the center of a hand? And then you found it wasn't you, who held the sum of everything you knew?"
I WISH there was a dlisted clubhouse with Beaky as greeter. Unfortunately I would end up unemployed, overweight and with a massive alcohol problem if it existed, but what an awesome ride it would be.
NOBODY beats RUBY!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOHlnV5fcsQ