Time To Step It Up, Suri

November 3, 2012 / Posted by:

If I had a baby friend, I’d only dress it in a diaper and a poncho made from a giant paper napkin, because babies spit, snot, piss and shit on everything and they have no respect for clothes. Babies don’t care that somewhere in China a baby their age made that onesie. Rude. Well, Posh Beckham is with me. Sort of. But to Posh, her idea of a paper napkin poncho is a $285 Marc Jacobs toddler dress.

The Daily Mail says that Posh never puts 15-month-old Harper Seven in the same outfit twice and her daughter’s wardrobe is worth $8,000. So far, Posh has bought (aka bitch got that shit for free) Harper a $160 sweater by Bonpoint, a $415 coat from Chloe and a $136 dress from Stella McCartney. Harper Seven never spits up on the same outfit twice, because Posh never dresses her in the same ensemble more than once.

Babies don’t even know what clothes are, so spending $8,000 on their wardrobe is kind of a waste. But that being said, 8 grand ain’t shit to Posh and Becks. Posh spends more than $8,000 a week on bunny fur tampons and maxi-pads with wings (actual wings from an endangered trumpeter swan). Posh’s hair is made of the manes of Arabian horses and one weave track costs more than $8,000. So $8,000 is really a drop in the diamond-encrusted champagne bucket to them.

And Blue Ivy Carter is spitting up caviar while laughing at this. Blue Ivy Carter won’t even shit in a diaper unless it’s cashmere, covered in sapphires and costs more than 10 grand. Shitting in anything else is just embarrassing.

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